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CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE

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Formula 1 fans across the internet are coming together in support of Vanessa Lennon, after it was revealed her car was sabotaged during the Espanan Grand Prix. Beyond this incident, it’s opened up a greater conversation about both safety and sportsmanship both in the racing world and beyond.

FORMULA WORLD NEWS

“Well, that sucks,” Annika said, handing me a water bottle. “Could be worse.”

I rolled my eyes. We sat outside the Paragon trailers, waiting for the podium ceremony to finish so the driver press conferences could get under way. There were a few minutes left, so I was enjoying the sun. “Yeah, it could be worse. Still frustrating though.”

It was a circular frustration. I felt better about not finishing because what happened wasn’t my fault. No one on the team, or even the audience, could be upset with me when I didn’t make any mistakes to cause the crash. But at the same time, there was a primal sense of helplessness that wriggled under my skin. Because I hadn’t done anything, yet I was still the victim.

“I’m going to walk around for a couple of minutes,” I told her, giving in to that restlessness. “Be back in a few.”

I stretched before stepping down off the trailer porches, feeling the aches and pains. I did have bruises from the harness, though I hadn’t seen how bad they were yet.

What I really wanted to do was go back to the hotel and take a bath. Or get this slithering, hungry energy out by going to the gym. But it was more likely I’d get back and crash from the extended adrenaline. It was like building up to something and never getting it. Because I hadn’t finished the race, my system was still amped and limping because we hadn’t completed the task.

I turned down the alley between the Paragon and Xelerate trailers, just wandering. It was better than sitting still.

Footsteps crunched behind me on the asphalt, and I turned to find Gray striding toward me like a storm. He looked raw . I barely had a breath to react to his presence before he reached me and hauled me into his arms, mouth crashing down on mine with no regard to the fact that anyone could look through here and see us.

One hand gripped my hair, the other squeezing me against him so tightly I ached. His kiss was desperate and feral. Enough power to lay me open. Fuck .

“Gray,” I managed to whisper in the brief moments we weren’t connected. “Anyone can see.”

“I don’t care,” he growled.

“ Gray .” A whine worked free as we slammed up against the side of the trailer. “What is it?”

He pushed back and stared at me, covering his mouth with the back of his hand. I couldn’t interpret the expression on his face, part agony, part anger, and part lust.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

“Sorry for what? ”

Gray reached for me again and stopped himself, like he finally realized just how exposed we were. “Your tyres.” His voice went dry and raspy. “It wasn’t an accident.”

The world shifted like an earthquake had struck. I leaned back against the wall harder, now unsure if I would be able to stand on my own. “No.”

“Elias found holes in all the rear rights. We have no idea how. Or who. But we’re going to find out.” He took a step closer. “I’m going to the stewards right now, and I’m going to try to keep this away from the press long enough for you to make it through the conference without answering any questions. But I can’t pretend I’m not on the edge of fucking losing it .”

Now the emotions on his face—the ferocity of the kiss—made sense. And this changed everything. Tyres blowing because of random happenstance was one thing. Tyres blowing because someone wanted them to? Because someone thought it might hurt me?

I swallowed. Those emotions couldn’t come up right now. The reality of this wasn’t something I could confront when I was about to be on camera. Especially if the press didn’t know.

Just another secret.

Grayson looked down both ends of the alley, finding no one. There were now more people walking past, but neither of us really cared. I felt that much. He stepped forward and cupped my face. “I know, little one.” The tremble in his hand from holding back so much told me everything. “You may not see us right away. We need to find as much as we can as quickly as possible. But if you need us, tell us, and we’ll be there, all right?” He sighed. “Though I doubt any of us will be able to stay long.”

Again, I swallowed, looking away. “I understand.”

“Vanessa, look at me.”

I did.

“I want to tell you something right now, but I’m not going to. Because neither of us can take time to feel it the way we need to, and I have about thirty seconds before I won’t be able to make myself walk away from you. I don’t want this to be the first time you hear it, but I also need you to know. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

How he looked at me now… the unspoken words branded the space between us. I wanted to hear them more than I wanted to take my next breath. But I knew why he wasn’t. When neither of us could savor hearing it or saying it, in a moment fraught with tension and anger… holding back was the right choice. But fuck, I was glad I knew.

“Yes,” I finally whispered.

Grayson stared at me for long moments before heaving in a ragged breath. “Go to the conference. I’ll do what I can.”

“Okay.”

It was torture to walk away. And if someone saw what had just happened between us, I no longer cared if it got out. Because someone had just tried to hurt me, and the fact that they had to hold back their rage over it was hurting all of us.

But I plastered on a smile as I came around the corner and nodded to Annika. “Ready.”

She smirked at me. “Probably should have gotten a room.”

“That wasn’t what it was.”

She fell in beside me. “Sure?—”

“Annika, I’m going to say something and I need you to keep a straight face.”

I felt her freeze for a second. “All right.”

“Gray just told me that my tyres were sabotaged. Someone put holes in them. It was on purpose. The press doesn’t know yet, but as soon as the press conference is over I need to get back to the hotel.”

“Are you serious?” She hissed.

“Yes.”

“And you’re not freaking out?”

Shaking my head, I smiled at someone passing who smiled at me. “I’m very much freaking out. But now isn’t the time.”

“Got it. Need anything?”

“Just be prepared to body block if it breaks before the conference is over.”

“Hell of a day to have a conference on a Sunday,” Annika said.

“Tell me about it. Apparently I’m the luckiest woman alive.”

She laughed at my sarcasm in spite of everything.

The driver conferences were typically earlier in the week, before even the practice rounds. And not everyone participated. Having twenty people in one conference was both overwhelming and inefficient. I’d been picked, and since the conference had been moved…

Today I was with Ronan and Eddie Ranka, a driver from the Griffin team.

Whatever magic Grayson did, it worked. The questions were normal. “Vanessa, what happened today? Any concerns about the car? This is your first DNF. How is the team taking it? Today notwithstanding, how do you feel it’s going with Paragon?”

I answered all the questions, bantered with Ronan about his second place finish, and kept a smile on my face and my foot from bouncing with anxiety.

Finally, they released us. I flipped off the mic and set it on the couch, standing just as I heard the first chime of a phone in the room. A second later there was another one. And another one.

Locking eyes with Annika, I headed for the door. We needed to get out. The shocked gasps were already following us by the time we were outside. “Here,” she said, pulling me to a car. “I had them bring one over.”

“Thank you.”

We closed the doors and she put her foot on the gas just as the first reporter pushed out of the conference space. But they were too late. It wasn’t a far drive to the hotel.

“I’m sorry I haven’t been around as much,” I said, filling the silence.

Annika took her eyes off the road briefly, frowning at me. “Why?”

“Because I miss you. And it feels like we’re together less.”

She laughed, but it was strained. “Babe, it was always going to feel like this, even without you getting dicked down by a pack of gorgeous men. You’re busier now. Do I miss our hang outs? Of course. We’ll make the time. But don’t feel bad about doing what you need to do. Especially today of all days.”

Pressing my lips together, I nodded. “Thanks.”

“Now go hide and let me know if you need me to bring you anything.”

“Will do.”

No reporters had made it to the hotel yet, and thankfully they probably wouldn’t. The story was at the track and in the paddock. This was a bigger story than just me. But I startled when someone called my name. “Vanessa.”

I blinked. “Johnny.”

“I came back to grab something and I just heard.” He pulled me into a hug. “Holy shit. You’re okay?”

“Yeah, I’m okay.”

He looked me up and down. “What can I do? Do you need me to order food or come sit with you? We could watch a movie or something. You can vent to me… or anything. I’ve been meaning to ask you to do something. I know this isn’t the best time, but I’d like to be near you if that’s okay. I’ve missed you.”

“I—”

John leaned in, and I’d seen that look on his face before. I placed my hand on his chest, stopping him before he could kiss me. “That’s really sweet, thank you. And believe me, I appreciate the concern. But I’m with someone.”

It was John’s turn to blink. He immediately took a step back, but it was impossible to miss the hurt that appeared on his face. “Ah. I’m sorry, I had no idea.”

“Yeah.” I managed a smile. “We’ve been trying to keep it that way as long as possible.”

He huffed a laugh and looked away. “With all the headlines and stuff about you and me, I knew I was reading too deep into it, but I still did. And I’m not lying. I do miss you.”

“I miss you,” I told him. “But as a friend. You and I both know we weren’t a good match for romance.”

“We were young. You never know.”

Moving my hand from his chest, I touched his shoulder gently. “I do. I know. And you can always consider me a friend. I’m sorry.”

John shook his head. “Don’t be sorry. The last thing you should be worrying about is me right now. Regardless of what’s between us, if you need something, please let me know.”

“Thank you.”

I turned to go, and he called after me. “Vanessa?” He smiled sadly. “I might still hope for a while.”

Grinning, I shook my head. “Feel free. All those stories help keep the focus off what’s real.”

John tilted his head back and laughed. “Tell whoever it is they better treat you right, or else.”

“Don’t worry. They’re on it.” I winked. “And don’t worry about me. You know me. I’m always fine.”

I was fine. I was fine.

I was fine .