Page 84 of Into These Eyes

“Okay,” I sigh and drag a hand down my face before finding her eyes again. “First of all, I’m sorry. I should’ve told you. Right from the start, I should’ve told you.”

“Told me what?” she snaps, her patience clearly wearing thin.

“Years ago, Benny devised a plan, and I made him believe I was on board. He knew I wanted Reid to pay for what he’d done to me, wanted to make sure he couldn’t do it to anyone else.

And Benny needed to stay in prison. It’s been his home for forty years, his comfort zone.

He didn’t want freedom. I’m sure you know about prisoners being institutionalised? ”

She nods.

“So, Benny thought it’d be a win-win. I’d get my revenge by killing Reid and Benny’d be right there with me, ready to take the gun and fire it a second time so forensics could prove he pulled the trigger. I’d disappear and Benny would go back to prison.”

Arms still crossed, she turns her back on me. My heart freezes. What else can it do when it feels like hers has frozen too?

Then she moves. She stalks around the dining table, around the breakfast bar and into the kitchen, then back into the living room, stopping in the same spot she started from.

Looking me in the eye, she plants her fists on her hips. “But that didn’t happen.”

“Because it was a lie, Jamie. I lied to him. And when he got released, when he started pushing to get it done, I kept putting him off, finding one lame excuse after another so I didn’t have to admit I lied to my best friend.

I was grateful to have him with me on the outside.

Apart from him, I was utterly alone. So, I wanted to keep him with me.

And I figured the longer I delayed, the more he’d come to accept being free.

But fate had other ideas. Because you happened. ”

Her arms drop to her sides, her hands tight little fists. “What does that mean?”

Taking a risk, I stand, but I don’t try to get closer. I wait a moment, then remember to breathe when she doesn’t back away. “It means, the day you came to my door and revealed the truth, I had a long discussion with Benny, and we came to an agreement. He’d give it six months.”

Now her hands are back on her hips again. “So, all that hatred and blame you put on Reid, you never planned to do anything about it?”

“I won’t ever deny I hate that prick. And I have no doubt that if he’s done it to me, he’s done it others. I want him to pay for what he’s done. Of course I do.”

Barely above a whisper, she asks, “That’s why you changed your mind about staying here, isn’t it? You used me, hoping to get to him.”

“No, that’s not it at all. When you told me you’d clear my name, at first, that’s all I heard, all I saw.

My future, my life back in my hands. Then the other implication seeped in.

I realised that by clearing my name, that piece of shit would also be exposed as the corrupt cop he is.

Being able to humiliate him, strip him of his power …

that felt far more satisfying, far more punishing, than anything else that could happen to him.

I’m not a killer, Jamie. I’d never allow scum like Reid to turn me into a monster. You know that. You know that.”

She opens her mouth to say something, but I see the hesitation there, the cogs flying. I take a quarter of a step toward her. She doesn’t flinch or move away. It’s all I need. In two strides I’m right in her space, my hands on her shoulders, my face only inches from hers.

“Jamie, you have no idea the relief I felt when I suddenly had you in my corner. When I realised I actually had a chance at a normal life. That relief … well it only comes second to how much I love you.” I cup her face.

“Please don’t hate me for lying to an old man to make him believe I had his back.

Because that lie meant I did have his back. ”

She blinks at me, then lets out a long sigh. “I could never hate you again. Never. I just … I’m trying to get my head around it all. It’s so fucking sad that Benny was desperate enough to devise a plan just so he could live the rest of his life in prison. It breaks my heart.”

“He had no hope, no life out here. I just needed time to show him it wasn’t as scary on the outside as he thought. And, because of you, he knows that now. Because of you, J.”

She shakes her head. “None of that has anything to do with me.”

As I place my forehead on hers, I feel her fingers curl into my t-shirt.

“I told you at the time … you didn’t have to reveal your father’s confession to me, to anyone.

Only you knew the truth, and you could have kept it that way.

But because of the person you are, you didn’t.

And because you didn’t, everything that happened after that led to me being here and you welcoming Benny into your life as well.

I’m not sure you understand what that means to a man like him. To a man like me.”

She rolls her forehead against mine in denial. Suddenly, she pulls away, sending my heart plunging through the floor. “Jamie?”

Fuck. This can’t be the end. We’ve only just started.

For a moment, she won’t meet my eyes. When she does, she bites her lower lip, her features tight with worry. “There’s something I should have told you, too.”

“O … kay,” I say cautiously. I don’t like the way she’s looking at me, and the fact that I’m not the only one who’s omitted the truth, has my pulse stuttering.

“Pete … he asked me … well, made me promise to hold off on your application to overturn your conviction. There’s something going on, but his hands are tied. He can’t tell me anything. I wanted to tell you so many times, but I just … I didn’t want you to be disappointed in me.”

“Are you kidding me?”

She shakes her head. “I’m so sorry. I—”

“Jamie,” I interrupt as I take her hand and pull her close. “You could never disappoint me.”

“You’re not angry?”

I thread my fingers through her hair so I can cradle the back of her head. “You trust Pete?”

She nods.

“Then I trust you’re doing what’s right.”

“You’re sure?”

I kiss her, and drink in her response. Nothing’s changed. She’s still mine, still wants me, still loves me. When I lift my mouth from hers, I say, “No more secrets.”

“No more secrets,” she agrees. Turning her head, I follow her gaze to the gift box. “Now, can we address the fact that you saved a man’s life?”

I shake my head as she leads me to the couch. Taking a seat, I pull her down on my lap and wrap my arms around her waist. Before I can stop her, she picks up the box and rests it on her thighs. “You saved his life, Gavin. That has to mean something to you.”

“But I let him down,” I confess.

She gives me a confused blink. “I don’t understand.”

“I was so excited that you knew I was innocent, so caught up in working with you to clear my name, I ignored an important factor. Benny. He seemed happy for me. But to him, it must have felt like I was abandoning him.”

Her fingers fist in my hair as she shakes her head.

“Explain to me how spending every second day with him is abandoning him? You’ve given him purpose.

You taught him how to use technology he’d never encountered before.

You made him help you fix up this house.

And you were right … you gave him another person who cares about him …

and you gave him to me, too. And I bet, when you were alone with him, you talked his head off.

I think you knew he was struggling, and you used everything you are, and everything you’ve learnt, to help him. ”

I stare into her eyes, dumbfounded by her insight. I want to believe she’s right. I hope she’s right. “Maybe … maybe we both saved him.”

She lets out a puff of air. “Stop it, Gavin. It was all you. I think you could help a lot of people like Benny. Whether that’s something you want to do or not, I’m determined to at least give you the choice.” She looks down into the box on her lap. “Now, what’re we going to do with this?”

“We need to get it out of here.”

“I’ll call Pete tomorrow. I’m sure he’ll know what to do with it.” Suddenly, she lets out a little chuckle.

“What can possibly be funny?”

“Just my weird brain. Now I’m not going to be thinking, Bennie and the Jets . Now I’m going to be thinking, Benny and the Gun . Stupid, right?”

“Cute.” I nuzzle her neck. “You got a good place to hide it? I’d prefer to never see it again.”

She nods. “Why don’t you go for a walk around the block, and I’ll take care of it? But,” she adds, taking the note out of the box and handing it to me, “you should keep this somewhere close to you. It’s probably the most precious gift you’ll ever receive.”

I take it from her and nod, but I can’t look at the words. I know if I do, I’ll end up a mess.

So, I take a walk, letting everything that’s transpired sink into me. I feel torn, like I failed Benny and saved him at the same time. I guess I’ll never know if doing everything Jamie mentioned really worked or not. Maybe he would’ve been fine without my support. Maybe not.

One thing I do know, is that I should look on the positive side. No point beating myself up for something that didn’t happen.

As I head back home, I pull out my phone and call him.

“Don’t bother, Gav. Everythin’s been said. I’m stickin’ around. End of discussion.”

“Right,” I say, trying to hide the crack in my voice. Swallowing hard, I tell him, “Well, I just wanted to say you’ve outdone yourself with your gift giving skills. Oh, and I love you, you old goat. There’s that.”

He’s silent for so long, I think the connection’s dropped out. Then his voice, thick with emotion, comes through the receiver. “See ya in a couple of days, Son.”

This time the call ends. As I shove the phone back in my pocket, I let a smile take hold, and I feel it in my heart, too. I’m pretty damn sure calling me Son is his way of telling me he loves me. And I’m more than fine with that.