Page 75 of Into These Eyes

Jamie

A s the sun sinks low in the sky, I sit on a lounger by the pool, my stomach aching from laughing too long and hard as I watch Gavin and my sister act out an arrest. When she fails yet again to secure his hands behind his back, they regroup, and I take the opportunity to sip the passionfruit cocktail Anika made me earlier.

Watching them get along like they’ve always known each other makes my heart feel like it’s filled with helium. Apart from when I was a child with no responsibilities, I don’t think I’ve ever felt this light and happy.

Readying for another try, Gavin shifts his attention to me, his face breaking out in a smile so bright it melts my insides.

While he’s distracted, Anika sweeps his feet out from beneath him and crashes him to the grass. She’s on his back in an instant, yanking his arms behind him and securing his wrists. Not once does he take his eyes off me.

“Bro, you’re under arrest!” she shrieks in triumph.

“Fine,” he grumbles, “you got me. Eventually.”

As Anika releases him, he gives me a wink. Unaware she’s won by distraction, my sister performs a victory dance, arms in the air, bouncing on her feet as she spins around.

Taking her completely off guard, Gavin throws her over his shoulder. She squeals and pummels his back as he walks straight to the deep end of the pool and tosses her in.

Giggling, knowing we all needed this release after the tension of the day, I join him at the end of the pool and wait for Anika to surface. She doesn’t.

Gavin grips my shoulder, his smile dropping. “Shit. Is she—”

“Don’t fall for it,” I tell him. “She wants you to jump in and save her. Did it to me all the time when she was a kid.”

A huge gasp sounds at our feet when Anika breaks the surface.

“Arseholes,” she shouts, splashing water at us. “I’m drowning here and you two are making goo-goo eyes at each other? Real nice!”

“Did you hear something?” Gavin asks me, his eyes bright and amused again.

“Nope.”

More water splashes up at us, this time making it to our faces.

Anika grips the side of the pool and stretches her hand out to Gavin. “Help me out, dickwad.”

Chuckling, he glances at me. “Look at that. The sadistic one thinks I’m a fool.” Then he plants a kiss to my forehead and saunters off inside.

“Prick!” Anika yells at his back. Smirking, she holds her hand out to me.

“Ha! I’m not a fool either.” I return to the sunlounge and sip at my cocktail, watching Anika swim to the shallow end and get out. She strides over to me and whips her head back and forth, spraying me with water. “Ahhh,” I sigh, “that’s so refreshing.”

Scoffing, she plonks herself down on the end of my lounger.

“I can’t believe tonight’s my last night.

I’m gonna miss this.” She reaches for my half-finished cocktail, and I pass it to her.

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m looking forward to starting my career.

But I want to get to know Gavin more. And Lach.

” She sucks down half my cocktail in one long sip.

“I just … everything’s changed so fast. I feel like this black cloud that’s followed me around all my life has been blown away.

Never having to wonder again why Dad couldn’t stand me, that it didn’t have anything to do with me at all, is weird.

But getting a second chance to have a dad, that’s just … wow.”

“I’m happy for you, Ank.” I don’t mention the twinge of jealousy in my heart.

She gets to start over with a brand-new father.

A father who loved our mother deeply. I can’t deny my envy.

She was conceived by soul mates. I was conceived by deceit, my father the man who took our mother from us.

But I would never deny Anika the happiness she deserves.

Finishing my cocktail, she hands it back, her gaze intense. “I’m happy for you, too. He really loves you.”

A wonderful warmth settles in my belly. “Yeah, he does.”

“Well, don’t be too certain about it or anything,” she says with a cheeky grin.

“That’s just it, though, Ank. There’re no guessing games with him. He shows me how he feels, and he tells me. He’s so open about it. About everything. I love that.”

I don’t miss the brief shadow that passes across her face. “Just … be careful thinking like that. Everyone has secrets. Look at Mum and Dad.”

She’s not wrong, but I don’t believe for a minute that Gavin’s keeping anything from me. That’s not who he is.

When I head inside and walk past the guest bedroom, I hear music coming from behind the closed door.

I’ve noticed he shuts himself away sometimes, but I haven’t been bold enough to ask what he’s doing in there.

As I wash the delicate cocktail glass in the kitchen, Anika’s words ring in my ears. Everyone has secrets.

The thought prickles my skin. I haven’t told Gavin about my two dates with Reid, but really, there’s nothing to tell.

I didn’t even let him kiss me. I also haven’t told him about my promise to Pete.

By keeping that from him, I’m simply saving him from more negative emotions he doesn’t need.

He’s had enough of those to last a lifetime.

But the thought that I’ve held back has me on edge. If I have, it’s possible he has, too.

I catch my bottom lip with my teeth as I dry the glass and set it in the cupboard.

What’s he doing in there when he closes himself off?

Curiosity wins. Outside his door, I bring my hand up to knock, then lower it. I shouldn’t have to knock, right? We love each other. We’ve even shared a bed. I wouldn’t feel uncomfortable if he walked into my room without knocking.

Steeling myself, I turn the knob, slip inside and close the door. When I turn around, I’m surprised to find the room empty. Frowning, I take a few steps forward until I’m standing beside the bed, wondering if he went back out to the pool while I was washing up.

As I turn to leave, a large notepad on the desk catches my eye. Stopping beside the office chair, I stare at what lies before me.

There’s nothing written on the front of the pad It’s old and worn, with loose pages sticking out here and there that aren’t neatly tucked in with the others. One pokes out far enough for me to catch what looks like eyelashes.

Gently, I slide it free and find myself staring into my own disembodied eyes. Only this time, instead of graphite, the irises are a stunning green with hints of copper framing the pupil.

And they’re gazing up at me with desire, the accuracy so astounding I could be looking in a mirror.

Stunned, and overcome with curiosity, I run my fingertips over the battered cover before I flip it open.

Another set of my disembodied eyes stare out at me, the sketch only in the early stages, but already I see deep happiness gazing back.

I don’t need to look at the date in the corner to know this is what Gavin saw at the pool when Anika took him down, when he was looking at me. This is why he disappeared inside.

Tears prick at my real eyes. He’d seen me, seen the joy in my heart, and apparently, he’d had to capture it forever.

Welling with emotion, I move the loose sheet of paper aside.

And gasp.

Again, my disembodied eyes stare out from the page. Another complete sketch, the green and copper of my irises stunning against the graphite surrounding them.

And the look that bleeds from the page is unmistakeably love. What he must see when I look at him. It’s extraordinary.

How he can capture emotion with no facial features apart from the eyes and eyebrows, I don’t know. But he does. I can see right through those windows, right beneath the surface.

He’s an incredibly talented artist. Why doesn’t he know that? Why hide?

With one hand over my mouth, I turn page after page of nothing but my eyes, discovering what he’s seen in them from the moment we met, but in reverse.

There’s desire, compassion, forgiveness, hope, confusion, sorrow. A plethora of emotions leading all the way back to his first drawings.

Hate.

The glaring eyes take me right back to that courtroom, to the darkness I directed at a young man who had done nothing but find my mother dying on the nature-strip, then offered her the only comfort he could.

My heart breaks.

Tears tickle my jawline, and I swipe them away before turning those hateful eyes over.

My breath catches.

These eyes are different. They’re mine, but they’re not. They look at me with a mixture of love and happiness. Like the sketch on his letter, it’s not quite right. Frowning, I study the drawing, noting the date. Ten years after he was locked away.

I let out a silent puff of air. So, he hadn’t stopped trying to get it right after the final letter he sent me.

I can’t stop the sob that escapes my throat. The thought of him locked away, drawing all of these, hoping he’d see something in me other than hate.

And now he has.

Here I was thinking he had a secret, but these sketches prove that he’s been honest with me all along.

“Jamie?”

I whirl around, startled out of my thoughts, ashamed that I’ve been caught looking at something he obviously keeps private. I swallow the sobs and choke out, “I’m sorry.”

He strides forward, but he’s not angry. When he reaches me, he brushes the tears from my cheeks, his eyes soft with concern.

“Jamie? What is it?”

“I didn’t … I didn’t mean to snoop. I was looking for you, and—”

“I couldn’t care less if you snoop. I have nothing to hide from you.”

“But you have been,” I say, taking a deep breath as I turn back to the desk. “These drawings … Gavin … they’re incredible.”

He wraps his arms around my waist and rests his chin on my shoulder, looking at the sketches with me.

“I wasn’t hiding them from you. They’re just scratchings.”

“Oh, please . That’s the first lie you’ve ever told me. You’re a true artist, Gavin. Look at these.” I leaf through them, as if I’m showing him something he’s never seen before. “They’re so … moving.”

“You think so?” It’s a genuine question. He honestly has no idea how talented he is.