Page 83 of Into These Eyes

“I’ve told you what you meant to me, how you helped me survive. But that was an idea of you. I didn’t know you. So how could I be infatuated, pine or obsess over you?”

Benny lets out a snort. “He’s pullin’ ya chain, girl. I spent twenty hours a day in a cell with this guy. I think I know him better than he knows himself.”

“Bullshit,” I say, widening my eyes in warning again when Jamie turns to look his way.

“Let me ask ya this, love. At that restorative justice meetin’ ya had with him, did he, or did he not, kinda, sorta, make ya think he was apologisin’ for what happened to ya dear Mum?”

She grins, her fingers tightening in my hair. “Oh, he definitely apologised. Grovelled, almost.”

Benny tips the neck of the beer at her and winks.

“So, there ya have it. Told me he was gonna convince ya he didn’t do it, no matter what.

Took one look at ya in the flesh and melted.

I know, ‘cause he wouldn’t shut up about it.

Only peace I got after that was when they let him out.

Then I copped it all over again when ya went an’ asked him to move in with ya.

Well, didn’t that send him into a tailspin. ”

“Benny. Seriously,” I warn.

Jamie tugs on my hair. “Let him finish. Go on, tell me everything.”

I’d like to hightail it inside, but that hold she has on my hair tells me she’s not letting me run away.

Benny shoots me a wink, takes another sip of beer and smiles.

“He barged in, actin’ like a big baby, tryin’ to use me as an excuse.

I wasn’t havin’ none of that. So, then he says he couldn’t stand livin’ with ya because he’d fall for you.

Said he wouldn’t be able to keep his hands off ya.

I knew it was way too late for that. Day ya took us to the beach …

it was crystal fuckin’ clear he was a goner. ”

The burn in my face has nothing to do with the heat. I’m going to kill him.

Except Jamie’s fingertips are lovingly tickling my nape, and her palm on my cheek is forcing me to look at her. Giving in, I meet her eyes, but all that stares back is a love so soft and sweet it melts my heart.

“And,” Benny adds, “it was obvious you felt the same way, love. Am I right, or am I right?”

“Clearly, Benny’s smarter than both of us,” she says, her eyes sparkling as she winks at me. We both know he’s a little off the mark, but not by much. Bringing her lips to mine, she gives me that affectionate kiss.

Okay, maybe I won’t kill him.

Around four in the afternoon, Benny announces it’s time to head home.

The thought of him going back to that shitty caravan and the suffocating heat just about does me in.

I appreciate it when Jamie offers him the guest room for the night, even if it means infringing on all the wonderful things I want to do to her, but he graciously declines.

After he hugs Jamie goodbye, I walk him outside to wait for his Uber.

Surprising me, he places a hand on my shoulder and squeezes. “I’m so happy for ya, Gav. You deserve every fuckin’ thing that woman’ll give ya. You were right about her. She’s a good one … and she’s just as damn lucky to have you.”

Unable to help myself, I wrap an arm around him and pull him in for a hug. “Who’d have thought I wanted to kill you a few hours ago?”

“Fuck off,” he says affectionately as he thumps me hard on the back before releasing me. “You made the right decision … about not goin’ through with the plan. I was wrong. I got no problem admittin’ to that. You’re gonna have a good life, Gav.”

I scratch the back of my head and nod. “Yeah, as unbelievable as it is, I think I am.”

Slipping his backpack off his shoulder, Benny places it on the ground and unzips it.

After he digs through the contents, he comes up with a square gift box, the type that doesn’t need wrapping, though he’s taken the time to tie a yellow ribbon into a crooked bow to keep the lid in place. Then he shoves it at me.

“Jesus, Benny. We said no presents.”

“Yeah, well, I didn’t wanna give it to ya in front of Jamie. I wouldn’t know what ta get her, let alone be able to afford somethin’. This’s just for you. Cost nothin’. But it means somethin’.”

I reach for the ribbon, but he places his hand on top of mine. “Wait ‘til ya get inside. When you’re alone, right? Not in front of her.”

Just as I look up from the box with a question on my lips, his Uber pulls up to the kerb.

Clapping me on the back, he opens the car door and tosses in his backpack. “Thanks for havin’ me, Gav. Appreciate it.”

“See you in a couple of days.”

“You got it.”

And then he’s gone. I stand there and stare at the box. It’s about the size of a small, square tissue box, only it’s heavy.

Escaping the heat, I hurry inside and collapse on the couch. A moment later, Jamie joins me, handing me a glass of sparkling water. I down it in one go.

“Aww,” she says, eyeing the box beside me. “He gave you a present?”

“Yeah. I told him he wasn’t supposed to. Said it didn’t cost him anything.”

She wraps her arm around mine and grips my bicep. “Well, aren’t you going to open it?”

I hesitate, remembering his words. Not in front of her. I have no idea what he could give me that Jamie shouldn’t see. Besides, I don’t want to hide anything from her. I don’t want secrets between us. She established that early on and I agreed with her then, and I still do. I always will.

Resting the gift on my lap, I tug on the ribbon until it falls away. When I remove the lid, I’m greeted with tissue paper. Jamie leans closer as I brush it aside.

And we both freeze.

After an eternally long second, she hitches in a breath. “Why would he give you that? Why would he even bring it into our home?”

I stare at the silver snub-nosed revolver Benny showed me after his release from prison. The gun we were meant to use to take out Reid. I’d forgotten all about it.

I study the fear and confusion on her face that, just moments ago, was so damn happy. When her eyes meet mine, I’m not sure where to begin.

“Is that … a bullet?” she asks.

I follow her gaze back to the box and brush aside more tissue paper. Sure enough, a single bullet rests next to the gun. Before I can stop her, she reaches in and plucks it out. Holding it on her open palm, her eyes lock with mine.

“Why aren’t you saying anything? What’s going on?”

I shake my head. “It’s not what’s going on. It’s what Benny thought was going on … before you came to the caravan that day.”

“I don’t understand,” she whispers, her eyes wide, her hold on my bicep loosening.

“I’ll tell you. But first, I’m just going to take it out and make sure it’s not loaded. Okay?”

She releases my arm, but doesn’t move away. I take that as a good sign.

Reaching in, I hold the snub-nose by the handle and inspect the chambers. Empty. Worried there might be more bullets amongst the tissue paper, I remove it all and stare at a folded note at the bottom of the box.

I pluck it out, shove the tissue paper back in with the gun and set it aside. When I glance at Jamie, her eyes are fixed on the note. Letting out a breath, refusing to hide anything from her, I unfold it.

Gav,

You didn’t know it, but this gun had two purposes.

A couple of bullets meant for the problem.

Then one for me.

That’s how I had it planned out.

Then the plan changed. I looked at that gun every night, ready to put that bullet in my head.

Then I’d tell myself ‘one more day’. And every day you were either with me or badgering me on the phone.

You’ve shown me I’m not alone out here. Seeing you so happy, so in love, has given me something I never thought I'd have.

A sense of peace, like everything's right with the world, and I don't want to miss out on any of it.

So, I don’t need the gun anymore.

Just know, you’re the reason I’m still here.

You changed my mind without even knowing it.

Thank you, Son.

Benny.

I stare at the note, taking in the words, turning them over in my mind. My gut churns, thinking all the times I thought he wasn’t doing well, that something was wrong behind all his assurances that he was fine.

When I look at Jamie, she’s holding a hand over her mouth, tears falling freely down her cheeks. After a moment, she clutches my shoulder, her lips trembling as she forms the words, “You saved his life.”

I shake my head. “No. He helped save mine.”

She kneels on the couch beside me and cradles my face in her palms. As her thumbs ghost across my cheeks, I notice a cool, wet sensation. Fuck . I’m shedding tears, too. “Gavin, he’s given you the gun and the bullet he was going to take his life with. You changed his mind.”

“No,” I tell her, determined she know the truth.

“This is the gun Benny believed I was going to kill Reid with. The gun Benny thought he was going to take from me, and shoot Reid again, so it’d look like he did it …

so he could go back inside. That was his plan.

And I let him believe it. I had no idea he was thinking of using that gun in an entirely different way. ”

“No. Read it again,” she says, tapping the note. “It says …” She freezes, her face contorting with confusion as her gaze travels from the note to me. “What did you—”

Her hand drops from my face as she shuffles back, stands and takes a step away from me. Her whole body trembles as she crosses her arms over her chest. My gut’s no longer just churning, it’s now sinking deep into the couch cushions.

I place the note in the box, set it all aside and wipe my palms on my jeans. But I don’t stand. I couldn’t bare it if I tried to get close to her and she retreated. So, I remain where I am and look up at her, willing her with my eyes not to flee, to just let me explain.

“You’d better start talking, Gavin, because I don’t like the way I feel right now.”

Heart hammering, I place my hand on the couch cushion she just vacated. “Will you sit?”

She shakes her head. “No. I’m about to jump out of my skin. Speak.”