Page 26 of Into These Eyes

She stops walking. So do I, suddenly afraid my stupid mouth has thrown up her walls.

As she gazes at me, I take in the way the sun shines on the strands of hair that have freed themselves from her ponytail.

Fluttering in the breeze, they’re lit up like a bright aura of fire around her face. I swallow. She’s a goddamn angel.

“We’ll see,” she says, then before I can read her expression, she glances at her watch. “Burgers should be ready by the time we walk back.”

We’ll see?

Definitely a challenge, but I shouldn’t get my hopes up. Hope might have been all I had in prison, but hoping this woman might ever be interested in me, beyond clearing my name, is probably a reach too far.

After we collect our burgers and find a picnic table along the river, I peel back the wrapping and take a huge bite. Blocking everything else out, I relish the burst of sweetness from the beetroot, the savoury hit of onions, the juicy beef, the tomato sauce.

When I groan with appreciation, Jamie’s curious gaze sweeps over my face, locking on my mouth as I swallow. Plucking up a napkin, she reaches toward me and gently dabs the corner of my mouth.

My need to touch her is so strong, I cover her hand and hold it there. Our eyes clash, and I’m sure she feels the intensity of our connection the way I do.

“You’ve got some … sauce,” she says, her voice husky as she retracts her hand, leaving me with the napkin.

I swipe it over my lips, and sure enough, I leave a red smear behind. Jesus, she must think I’m a grub.

“So,” I say, resisting the urge to take another humungous bite, “I’m starting to think you’re buttering me up for some bad news.”

I wait for her to chew her delicate little morsel, and as I do, she avoids my eyes.

Oh, fuck. I’m right.

That’s why I’m sitting here. She’s about to tell me there’s nothing she can do. I glance at my burger and decide to enjoy one last bite before my world comes crumbling down.

When I look at her again, she’s watching me. “Why did you lie to me?”

I almost choke. Chewing fast and swallowing, I grab my can of Coke and take a long swig, fully aware of her unrelenting stare.

“Telling the truth hasn’t gotten me very far in life, but I don’t lie, Jamie.”

“At the Restorative Justice meeting … you lied to me. You confessed.”

Ah shit. I shouldn’t be surprised. I knew she’d eventually ask.

“I never confessed,” I say, looking into her eyes so she knows I’m telling the truth. Well, the partial truth. I did confess, just not to her.

She puts down her burger. “Yes, you did. You told me how sorry you were for … everything.”

“That wasn’t a confession. That was the truth from right here.” I tap my chest. “I wanted you to know that I understood. I’ve wanted you to know since the day I saw you in court.”

“No. You said—” she cuts herself off, her mind racing, remembering. “You manipulated me?”

“No. I’d never do that to you.”

I wait for her to jump down my throat, but she only stares at me expectantly. All I can do is give her the truth.

“Before you walked into that meeting, the only thing on my mind was trying to convince you of my innocence. Even my cell mate told me I was crazy if I thought I could do that. He said that wasn’t what you wanted to hear.

That all you’d want was to know how sorry I was.

I thought he was full of shit, that with everything I’d learnt, I could convince you it wasn’t me. ”

I take a deep breath and wait for her to say something. She doesn’t. My chest constricts with the thought that I might be about to lose her help, but I push on.

“I was all set to bombard you with the truth … then you walked into the room. The moment I looked into your eyes, I knew I couldn’t do that to you.”

She frowns while she takes that in. “Why?”

“Because I could see you were still haunted by what happened to your mother, that it was almost as raw as it was when we were in court. You looked … stuck. And I knew, that by continuing to profess my innocence, I was hurting your soul, keeping you stuck. My cell mate was right all along. You were there to get closure, and as far as you were concerned, I was the one denying you that. I was everything that was wrong in your world. So, I decided to put it right. I gave you what you needed so you could move on.”

She stares at me for the longest time. Finally, she shakes her head. “But the way you said it … the way you meant it … it felt so real, like you completely understood.”

“Of course I understood. I lost my own mother not long before you did. I knew everything you were going through, everything you’d lost. Because I’d lost it all too.”

She does that rapid blinking thing, and I know she’s holding back tears. Hoping to distract her, I grab her half-eaten burger, wrap it up and place it in its bag. “Come on, let’s walk this off.”

Apparently accepting my explanation, she nods.

After walking in the opposite direction along the river for a while, I say, “I was actually surprised you didn’t grill me about every little detail in that room, that you were satisfied with what I said. I think, if you’d pushed for more, I’d still be inside right now. Why didn’t you?”

Silence drags on for a long moment before she admits, “You took me by surprise. I was ready for a battle and you just … deflated me. Every word cut right into me. That’s all that seemed to matter.

Going over the details felt so … clinical.

There was nothing clinical about what you said to me. It felt right to leave it there.”

“And you still want to leave it there?” I ask gently.

She nods. “For now. I don’t think I’m … ready to hear it all yet. One thing at a time.”

We walk on for a little longer before she stops and faces me.

“So, you didn’t lie to me. But you did lie to the State Parole Authority.”

“I did. That part of it … I listened to my cell mate. And he was right again. Claiming my innocence never once worked for me.”

She shakes her head. “I get it. But … you’ve made it a hell of a lot harder to clear your name.

What’s the court to think? Here’s this man, wanting his conviction overturned, yet he’s officially admitted he’s guilty.

You’ve handed them the fact that you’re a liar.

You either lied about being innocent, or you lied about being guilty.

Either way, there’s a lie in there and they’ll latch onto that.

The court doesn’t like overturning convictions, so any excuse not to will do. You see where I’m coming from?”

My stomach drops to my feet. Why the fuck hadn’t I thought of that? Probably because I believed confessing was the only way out, and because I never imagined her father would tell the truth.

“ Shit .”

“Yeah.” Her eyes search mine. She’s not even trying to hide her own disappointment. “I want to help you, Gavin but, as we agreed, I won’t lie to you. It’s not looking great. Unless there’s some solid evidence or another witness the police report doesn’t mention, then—”

“There is another witness. That arsehole detective buried it.”