Page 49 of Infinite as They Come (Sinful Trilogy #3)

Holly

I was in Dallas just a little while after the sun rose.

It was nice to be back, to be in familiar streets and pass by buildings I could draw—badly—off by heart.

The mall. The library. The restaurant Sawyer took me to on our first date.

My heart ached, guilt sweeping over me there in the back seat of the cab.

One hand reaching up, I grabbed that necklace that sat there against my chest every second of the day.

I didn’t ever want to take it off. My fingers gave the little pendant a squeeze as the driver rounded a corner into Highland Park.

In a few minutes, I’d be back at my parents’ place.

There was a reason why I didn’t bring much with me.

Just my purse, my phone, some cash. The basics.

I had every intention of going back to the motel at the end of the day, it was just that in the meantime, I needed a little wisdom.

The kind you could only get from the people who knew you from the second you came into the world.

I felt awful leaving, though. I hadn’t done it to hurt Sawyer.

I hadn’t done it to end things, because that was the last thing I wanted.

Sawyer was my forever, my only future, the person I was meant to spend every last one of my days with.

I had given him space and time. Me being patient wasn’t the problem.

It was everything else. And I could handle all of that: him being gone all day, the sneakiness, the phone calls, the secrecy.

That I could tolerate. It was him lying right to my face that had made my chest feel all sore .

I thanked and paid the cab driver who had brought me back to the house I used to call home.

It was still home, really. I guess you were allowed to have more than one.

The cab driver took off, and I let the sound of his rumbling engine fade into nothing before I moved up the steps.

It was a little after nine on a Saturday, so my parents would be up.

My dad especially. He wasn’t good at sleeping in.

Knocking at the door, I let my foot tap against the cement below me, waiting to hear that clicking sound. When it hit my ears, I looked up to see the door open, my father standing before me.

“Holly.” He smiled wide, eyes scanning behind me. “How’d you—”

I fell to his chest before I could stop myself. I just needed a little comfort, a little familiarity. Head turned slightly, I let a breath leave my lips, the sound coming out so shaky.

“Hey, hey,” he said, voice hushed. His hands found my back, pulling me against him tighter. “What’s going on?”

“I don’t even know why I’m upset,” I said with a too sad sounding laugh. “I’m being stupid.”

“No. You’re allowed to be upset. Whatever it is, you’re allowed to be upset about it.”

“Where’s Mom?”

“Off at her Pilates class. I was gonna go with her. I was just about to put my leggings on and everything.”

Snorting against him, I let my mind conjure up the visual. “There’s still time.”

“If it’ll get you to smile, then I’ll do it.”

“Maybe later.”

“How’d you get here?”

“Cab. Plane. Cab again.”

He hummed. “How about we sit down?”

Pulling away from him, I nodded. His hand felt steady on my back as he closed the front doors and guided me away from them.

With a heavy feeling in my chest, he led me through the foyer and the hallway and then into the kitchen.

I was instantly met with strong beams of morning light pouring in through the big windows as he moved me over to the breakfast table.

He pulled out a chair for me and I sat down, already feeling that warmth and safety of him and my home wash over me.

But I missed that motel. I missed the coziness of it all.

I missed how well I seemed to fit into Sawyer’s arms when he wrapped his arms around me in that bed.

We hadn’t fallen asleep tangled up together last night, but we woke up that way, like we would always find each other on instinct alone.

Maybe he’d be waking up right now. I winced at the thought of him all alone in that bed.

“Do you want to talk about it?” my dad asked as he took a seat next to me.

Eyes on the table, I breathed out shakily. “I didn’t know being lied to could hurt so much.”

“You’re talking about Sawyer?”

I nodded. “He’s never done that to me before.”

“What did he lie to you about?”

“About seeing his mom when I knew full well that he wasn’t with her.

” I found myself shaking my head, fingers massaging at my forehead.

“It’s not even just that. It’s him being weird and closed off and sneaky.

Him being out all day and not telling me where he’s going or taking calls away from me so I don’t hear what he’s saying.

He needed space. Alone time. And I’ve given him that. A lot of it.”

“You guys had a fight about that then? That’s why you came here?”

My cheeks suddenly got all hot as shame washed over me. “Not exactly. I kinda woke up and just… left. Very mature and grown up, I know.”

“No, you needed some space. It’s okay to need space, and you know you can come here whenever you’re feeling sad.”

“I kept giving him chances to be honest, to just tell me, but he wouldn’t take those chances. I don’t like being lied to, Daddy. Especially when it’s Sawyer doing the lying.” I let my gaze lower to the table. “It hurts extra bad when it’s him lying to me.”

He sighed, reaching over to smooth a hand over my hair. “You know I’ve never been his biggest fan…”

My eyes closed tightly. “Please don’t say anything awful about him. Not like you used to. I can’t deal with that right now. ”

“I won’t. I wasn’t thinking anything like that.

I was going to say how even though I never…

liked him back then, I could still see the way he looked at you.

Like he loved you a little too much. That was the most annoying part,” he said with a low chuckle that had me opening my eyes back up.

“That no matter what I said or did, no matter how harsh I was being, he still loved you. Hell, that seemed to make him love you even more. Guy is stubborn as hell.”

I couldn’t help but smile at that. “Extremely.”

“It was a little frustrating. A lot frustrating, really. I could see it in his eyes. I could see how much he loved you. And a few years ago, if I could have clicked my fingers and magically stopped him from feeling that way about you, I would have done it in a second.” Brows raising, he gave his head a little shake.

“He’d probably still end up loving you all over again. ”

“I like to think so. I really don’t want anyone else but him loving me…

” That thought alone made something icy and sharp run through me.

For a second, my mind forced me to imagine it: some faceless man with his cold hands on me.

Kissing me. Loving me. Trying to love me, really, because I knew no one else could love me like Sawyer did, because Sawyer did it with his whole heart.

It was a nightmare there in my head. Some horrifying, too vivid image that I never wanted to see ever again.

I didn’t ever want it to be anyone but Sawyer.

“What I’m trying to say is that,” he said, eyes softening, “that boy loves you a lot, Holly. I guess he’s not a boy anymore.

He’s a man now, and I’ve seen him change.

I’ve seen how he takes care of you. How he always puts you first. How much effort he puts into things for you.

I know it must hurt to be lied to, and you’re allowed to feel hurt and call him out on it, but maybe there’s a reason why he did what he did. ”

“I should have stayed. I should have talked to him about this. I mean, I’ve tried talking to him about it, but he won’t let me in, he won’t tell me what’s on his mind. But it was dumb of me to leave like that. That was a mistake…”

“You can’t just run away when things get a little hard.”

I shook my head. “I wasn’t running. At least it didn’t feel like that when I was leaving… ”

“You didn’t bring any bags with you, right?”

“No. Not a single one.”

“So, you’re not staying then. You’re going back today.”

They were statements, not questions. I hadn’t packed a thing. Coming back to Dallas wasn’t supposed to be some permanent change. “I want to go back today and see him if that’s what you mean.” I nodded. “I was just feeling… a lot. Especially last night.”

He hummed, giving one of my hands on the table a pat. “I get it. You needed some time on your own. I’m glad you came here. You can always come here when you’re feeling upset.”

I nodded. “Thanks, Daddy.”

“And you know you can stay here as long as you want. All day, until tonight, tomorrow. After that. This is still your home. Always will be.”

My head shook. “No, no. I’m going back. I just needed some time. I just needed someone to talk to, and I guess I miss you and Mom as well. I wish she was here too. It’s nice to be able to talk to you face to face about this kinda stuff.”

“We miss you too.” Slowly, his head tilted, eyes drifting over to the large windows overlooking the backyard.

“I won’t act like I know Sawyer as well as you do, but I’ve seen enough of him to know that he’s not a dishonest person.

I don’t like that he lied to you, and I don’t expect you to ever put up with anything like that, but… maybe he had his reasons, Holly.”

“He told me to trust him, and I do. I trust him with my life, I just… I just don’t appreciate being lied to. And he probably doesn’t appreciate me just leaving.” I sighed, pressing my hands to my face. “I shouldn’t have done that. I left him a note, but that was it. I messed up.”

“Hey.” The sound of the chair moving against the smooth floor below us hit my ears, and then I felt my dad’s soft arm wrapping around my shoulders. “You’re allowed to have space. You’re allowed to come home to your mother and me whenever you feel like this.”

“I should have stayed with him, Daddy.”

“Why don’t you take a couple hours to just take it easy? Hm? Just have a sit down. You want to go into the living room? Or sit outside? It’s a nice day out. You can sit in the solarium. It might help you think.”

I gave him a little smile as I pulled away from him. “Plant room.”

His brows furrowed. “Hm?”

“It’s called a plant room.”

“That flight made you loopy. Why don’t you get some fresh air?”

“That might be a good idea.”

“You guys have been together too long and been through too much to not figure this whole thing out.”

“I want to figure it out,” I said, hating that tight feeling forming in my chest. I was dumb for leaving.

“I should have talked to him. It’s just that talking to him lately doesn’t get me any answers.

It just makes me more confused and worried, and I hate feeling that with Sawyer.

He never makes me feel like that. He always makes me feel so safe and loved. ”

“Hey, you’ll get through this,” he said, voice firm as he squeezed at my shoulder. “You will. The both of you. You’ll talk and work it out.”

He sounded so sure too. I could hear it in his voice, his words soft but steady. My father had been wrong about Sawyer in the past, but this? This time, he sounded certain.