Page 32 of Infinite as They Come (Sinful Trilogy #3)

Me and Linda shared some more small talk while we sliced up tomatoes and red onions and cilantro, and then Kurt went outside to call Sawyer and Spencer in for dinner.

I helped Linda bring all the food out to the dining room, the scent of perfectly seasoned chicken hitting me and making my stomach grumble.

I felt two hands on my shoulders and turned to see Sawyer, the tiniest streak of dirt against his chin.

“Only you,” I said, wiping away the dirt with a soft thumb.

Smiling, he pressed a little kiss to my cheek. That was when I noticed Spencer on the other side of the table. He was reaching forward, his little tongue stuck out as he tried to grab at the ceramic milk jug at the center of the table.

“I got ya,” Sawyer murmured, grabbing at the jug with ease.

He held it out for Spencer who gave his brother a wide smile, sliding a whole bunch of bright, bold sunflowers into it. They contrasted beautifully against the smooth white jug as Sawyer got it settled back into place.

“You boys seemed to have had fun out there,” Linda said. “Time to eat now, though. Everyone dig in.”

Kurt and Linda had gone all out. The dining table was a collection of bright colors: the green of the cilantro and lettuce, the crimson of the tomatoes, the vibrant purple of the onions—all topped off with Spencer’s bright yellow sunflowers.

Linda was moving around the dining table, pouring everyone some soda, and I couldn’t help but notice the way she grasped Sawyer’s shoulder when she leaned in to fill his glass.

What I also couldn’t help but notice was his shoulders getting all tensed up in the middle of it all.

My hand found his thigh so I could give him a squeeze, and in a second flat, his hand was covering mine.

For the quickest of seconds, I felt his thumb brush against my ring finger, and my mind and heart were reeled back to that moment the other day: us slow dancing, bodies pressed together, him whispering out those soft words as that song played in the background.

“I hope you guys like the tacos,” Linda said as she took a seat across from me, right next to Kurt. Her eyes moved over to Sawyer’s, all wide with uncertainty. “Sawyer, I don’t know if you like tacos anymore. You used to like them. Do you still like them?”

Sawyer shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “Uh, yeah. Smells real good. Thanks.”

With shaky fingers, Linda pushed some hair behind her ear. “So, I’ve been looking at that website again of yours, Sawyer. You really are so talented. I might have to buy a couple of your paintings.”

“Holly set that up for me,” Sawyer said. “I can just, you know, give you some. The ones you like. You don’t… You don’t need to pay…”

“That’d be nice,” Linda said. “I’d hang them up all over the place.”

“My room too,” Spencer piped up, his glass of soda in hand. “You could paint the garden. All my flowers. Could you do that, Sawyer?”

For a second, Sawyer stayed quiet, his brows knitted together slightly before he gave Spencer a little smile. “Yeah, I could do that for you.”

Kurt sat up a little straighter, his eyes moving between me and Sawyer. “So, how did you two meet?” Kurt asked. “Tell us the story.”

“Oh, yes.” Linda pressed a hand to her chest. “Please tell us. I’d love to know.”

“Uh…” Me and Sawyer let out at the same time, both our heads turning to face each other.

“School,” I said.

“Yeah, school,” Sawyer said.

Kurt took a sip of his drink. “I bet you guys fell for each other straight away.”

Big smiles stretched across both me and Sawyer’s faces at that .

“Kinda the opposite, actually,” I said.

“Yeah, definitely didn’t fall for each other straight away,” Sawyer said.

“We were both a little stupid. Young and dumb and too stubborn, but…” I felt Sawyer’s thumb rub against that spot on my ring finger again. “We both got over that eventually. Took us some time, though.”

Linda blinked at us. “You two didn’t get along?”

“We both just kinda got into a habit of arguing with each other. Like Holly said, we were too stubborn, but I’m really glad we both got over that.” Turning to face me, Sawyer’s eyes stared right into mine. “Really happy, ‘cause I can’t imagine my life without her now.”

“It’s so nice to see you in love,” Linda said. “And you look so in love, Sawyer.”

“Yeah, I really am,” Sawyer said.

“Oh, I’m gonna tear up while we eat tacos.” Linda brushed her fingers against her glistening eyes. “Let’s eat before it gets cold.”

That tension lingered, but it mostly just stayed there in the background as we all talked and ate, like it was just some unwelcome visitor that would eventually leave as the night went on.

Spencer went into graphic detail about that fight he had got into, his eyes all lit up behind his glasses and his hands moving around animatedly.

It was good to see him being all bright and confident.

Me and Sawyer talked a little more about New York and Columbia and his art, and Kurt told us all about his job at the warehouse.

I could literally feel Sawyer losing all that stress I knew he was holding on to next to me, his shoulders going from all squared to relaxed as the night carried on.

When we were done with the tacos, Linda brought out some ice cream for dessert.

“I wanted to ask you something,” Linda said, hands wrapped around her bowl of ice cream.

She hadn’t touched any of her dessert yet, and instead kept her fingers splayed against the sides of the bowl.

“The both of you. Maybe if you’re not busy next Friday, we could see each other again?

The county fair just started up. It’ll be running for a few weeks.

We go every year. It’d be so nice if you joined us. ”

Lips pressed together, I waited for Sawyer to answer. That was his choice, and I wasn’t about to push him into anything he wasn’t ready for.

“Come, Sawyer,” Spencer said, pulling the spoon from his mouth. “It’ll be fun. Please.”

“It’ll be a nice night out,” Kurt said. “Lots of rides and good food. Should be fun.”

“Uh…” Sawyer looked over at me, and I gave him a little shrug in response. “Yeah, let’s do it.”

“Oh, great.” Linda clasped her hands together. “I think I have a flyer hanging around here somewhere. I’ll give it to you before you leave so you know the address.”

We finished dessert while Spencer told us all about the fair and all the fun stuff he did last year and the even more fun stuff he planned on doing this year.

He never touched the rides, he told us. But the games?

That was his domain, and honestly, I was looking forward to seeing him in action.

Linda and Kurt insisted they clean up everything when dessert was over with, so we hung out with Spencer in the living room who begged Sawyer to teach him some new fighting moves.

“Here’s that flyer,” Linda said as she moved into the room. “Maybe we can meet you there around six?” She sounded so hopeful, so honest. I could hear it in her words: that she was trying, that she was aching to see Sawyer again and make up for all that lost time.

“Thanks,” Sawyer said, taking the paper from her hand. “I guess we’ll see you there.”

“I really hope so.” Linda sighed softly. “Thank you for coming tonight. The both of you. It’s so nice to just… be around you and look at you and talk to you.”

Sawyer gave her a little nod. “Yeah, it was nice. Thanks for dinner. For having us over. It was… It was a good night.”

Linda looked ever so slightly teary-eyed as we all stood up and moved outside.

Kurt had a hand on her shoulder, and I could see him squeezing at her, the gesture looking comforting, warm, familiar.

We got to the truck and Spencer gave us a giant wave as Sawyer held the door open for me, and I couldn’t fight back my smile.

I liked seeing Spencer like that. More himself, like he was growing into the boy he was supposed to be: proud, more sure of himself, confident.

And maybe somewhat gutsy now that Sawyer had given him the push in the right direction.

It was quiet as we left their home behind, as Sawyer’s hand found my thigh. Such a comforting feeling. We settled into the silence, into the quiet hum of the truck, my eyes falling to the gently swaying pom pom keychain I had given Sawyer years ago.

“Tonight was… weird,” Sawyer said, finally breaking the silence.

“Weird?” I repeated.

“Yeah, weird. Good weird. Like… normal.” He shifted slightly in his seat. “Like… this is what families do, right? Have dinner. Talk. Sit down and… be… a family. It’s weird to have that.”

“Good weird, though…” I whispered.

“Yeah, good weird. It still feels like it’s not even real.

Everything feels like a dream when I talk to her, like I’m on the outside looking in.

It’s hard to be in the moment, to really feel it all.

To feel her. Hear her voice. When she puts her hand on my shoulder.

When she says my name. I’m scared to really feel it, because the next day she could… ”

“Leave again,” I murmured, my fingers tracing along his hand.

“Yeah. I’ve got my walls up. I’ve got a hundred walls up.

I always thought I’d throw my arms around her the second I saw her, you know?

But it’s so much harder than I ever thought.

So different. So… I don’t know. I want to be ready.

I want to feel ready. And I feel closer to that every time I talk to her.

And Spencer too. And Kurt. He’s nice. He’s good to her.

That’s what she said. I want her to be happy and she seems happy and that’s all I ever wanted for her.

If she’s safe, if she’s good, if she’s healthy, then shouldn’t I just let it all go?

Just… forget everything that happened, just skip to the happy ending? ”

“She’s trying,” I said. “And you’re trying too.

You don’t have to rush to fix things. It’s okay to do it slowly, to take it day by day.

You’re so strong, Sawyer. So strong to be doing this.

You’re the bravest person I know, but it’s okay to not feel guarded all the time.

I get why you might feel like you have to be, but if being with her makes you feel happy and whole, then you’re allowed to give yourself that. ”

Slowly, my eyes landed on Sawyer, and I watched as he swallowed thickly. Staring ahead of him, he nodded. “Happy and whole. I already feel happy and whole with you, Holly.”

“But?” I prompted, because I could tell there was something there on his mind, something he needed to say.

There was a long pause, eyes glued ahead of him, but he said his next words with the saddest sounding laugh I had ever heard in my life. “I really miss my mom,” he said.

My chest and stomach felt all knotted up as those words swept over me, and my hand quickly squeezed at his.

I lifted it up and held it to my chest, letting out a shallow breath as the moment took over me.

It was Sawyer being honest, Sawyer trying to unbury and throw away all of that pain he had been holding on to for too many years. For his whole life.

“You don’t have to miss her anymore,” I finally said.

“I don’t think I could handle having to miss her again.”

“All of this,” I said, keeping his hand pressed to my chest, “it’s a lot.

It’s so much. I know you’re scared to take a risk, but you’re allowed to love her again like you used to.

You’re allowed to go all in and feel everything.

The good parts. The parts you missed. I know you’ve got a wall up.

I get why. Because if you have walls up, then you can’t get hurt, right? ”

“No, you can’t.” He let out a long breath. “But it might be time to take them down.”