Page 21 of Infinite as They Come (Sinful Trilogy #3)

“It’s so nice that you still do it,” Linda said, sitting up a little straighter as a big smile stretched across her lips.

“You did that all the time. You were so good, even back then. Used to make such a mess at the kitchen table, but it was always so lovely seeing all that stuff you’d come up with. You would have so much fun.”

“Yeah, it’s…” Sawyer shrugged. “It keeps me busy.”

“He’s being humble,” I said. “He’s had a lot of success in New York. There’s a studio he works in that displays his work. You should hear what people say about his art.”

Sawyer rubbed a thumb across my hand there on his knee. “I try, I guess.”

“I looked at just about every one of your paintings on your website,” Linda said. “They’re all gorgeous. I wish I could paint like that.”

That pride in her voice was more than obvious.

She was looking over at Sawyer with big eyes, her hands resting on the table, fingers fidgeting like she wanted to reach out and grab him.

One day, I hoped he’d be ready for that.

For now, I just focused on her words. Soft, light, but coated with so much joy.

“You… You looked at the website?” Sawyer asked.

She nodded excitedly. “I did. I’ve been looking at it every day. So many beautiful paintings. I was wondering if you kept some of your older ones? You know, from when you were younger?”

Sawyer’s fingers squeezed at me, his brows knitting together. “Um, some from high school, yeah.”

“But what about any from when you were little?” She smiled, but it looked all hesitant, like it wasn’t quite reaching her eyes. “From when you were a kid? It would be so nice to see them.”

Sawyer shook his head. “Those are all gone.”

“Oh,” Linda said, disappointment clear as day in her voice. “That’s such a shame.”

“Can I see any?” Spencer asked softly.

“Uh, yeah,” Sawyer said, pushing a hand into his pocket. “I’ve got some newer ones on my phone.”

Sawyer picked out a photo and turned his screen around, and I watched as Spencer’s eyes widened, his little finger pushing his glasses along his nose. He sat there, all intrigued and interested, letting out little “wows” every time Sawyer brought a new photo up.

Spencer’s smile widened suddenly, his eyes flying to mine. “That’s Holly.”

“Yeah, that’s her,” Sawyer said lowly.

Eyebrows raised, I gave Sawyer a little nudge, and he turned the screen around, showing off me in painted form: me on the couch back in New York, hair all sprawled around me as I read a book.

My cheeks felt warm as I took it all in.

The perfectly crafted brush strokes, the colors, how detailed it all was, the fact that he had spent hours standing at a canvas just painting me even though he had done it so many times before.

“So beautiful,” Linda said, letting out a thoughtful sounding sigh. “You’re too talented, Sawyer.”

“Thanks,” Sawyer said quietly.

There was silence after that. An awkward one. Again. Kurt clapped his hands together, his smile all big. “That’s a nice truck you’ve got back there, Sawyer,” Kurt said, nodding towards the direction of the parking lot. “It’s vintage, right? Looks brand new.”

“Holly got that for me a few years ago,” he said. “For my birthday.”

Kurt whistled, shooting me a smile. “What a gift.”

“Yeah, I’m really lucky,” Sawyer drawled.

His words made my heart skip a beat. I wondered if he knew how proud I was of him.

This was hard, probably the hardest thing he had ever had to do, but he was trying, trying to mend that broken bridge between him and his mother.

Her eyes kept lingering on him, her gaze filled with worry and uncertainty, like she was holding back everything she wanted to say.

That would take time. All of it. And I really just hoped they could love each other again one day without any of that tension in the way.

Lunch carried on with that same awkwardness whenever the conversation suddenly came to a halt, but Kurt was good at filling that silence.

He’d ask Sawyer about work and cars and all that guy stuff and he’d talk to me about my journalism degree, his words warm and honest. He seemed sweet, and I was glad Linda had found someone who treated her gently.

We sat there for a good couple hours before Kurt suggested it’d be a good idea to call it quits. It was a lot for one day, and I was thankful that Kurt could sense that.

“I hope we can all spend another day together,” Linda said as she stood up. “Maybe dinner or something? At our place? That’d be so nice.”

Pushing a hand through his hair, Sawyer nodded. “I’ll let you know.”

Nodding, Linda sent him a smile that still seemed so tentative. “Thank you for today, Sawyer. For spending the day with me.”

“You don’t have to thank for me that,” Sawyer said.

“Well, still. It’s so nice seeing you. I had a lot of fun today,” she said.

“Yeah, it was good,” Sawyer said, nodding stiffly. “Thanks for lunch.”

“Goodbye, Sawyer.” Her eyes moved to mine. “You too, Holly. It was nice seeing you as well. I hope I see you both later.”

I gave her a little wave. “Me too.”

Kurt placed a hand on the small of Linda’s back just as she breathed out shakily. We watched them walk to their car with Spencer, all the way to the back of the parking lot, to the opposite side of where Sawyer’s truck was parked.

Sawyer’s hand found mine, his fingers gently squeezing at me as he guided me away from the bench. Those baby photos felt like they were burning a hole right through my purse. It was such a simple thing, too. It was normal to have baby photos. Everyone had baby photos. Almost everyone .

Sawyer held the truck door open for me, letting me get settled inside, my purse suddenly feeling too heavy on my lap. Sawyer got in the driver’s side with a breath that sounded strained and tired and I found myself quickly reaching over to press a kiss to his cheek.

“I love you,” I murmured against his skin. “Today must have been so hard. The other day too. All of this, really. But you keep pushing forward. You always do…”

Humming, he rested his hand on my knee. “I wouldn’t have been able to do it without you, Holly.”

I layered my hand on top of his, smiling instantly when he quickly placed his other one right there on top. Following suit, I let my other hand rest on his, watching as he raised his eyebrows up at me.

“You win,” he said softly.

My fingers tightened against his hand. “How are you feeling?”

“Good. Okay, I guess. As okay as one can feel in this situation.”

Nodding slowly, I kept my eyes on his face. “Spencer seems to like you a lot. I think you might be his hero after you saved him the other day.”

A little smile tugged at Sawyer’s lips. Small and quick, but I caught it. “He’s a good kid.”

“He’s sweet. Just like his big brother.”

“I don’t know about that. I’m not sure if we’re alike.”

“Well, he seemed to like spending time with you. Kurt as well. What’s he like?” I asked.

Sawyer’s body stiffened a little. “Nice.”

“Just nice?”

“Really nice. Friendly. He’s good to Spencer. Patient.”

“That’s good,” I whispered. “Your mom said Spencer was kinda… sensitive. I guess patience is good for him.”

“Yeah.”

My eyes floated down to my bag, staring at the brown pebbled leather like I could see right through it. Part of me felt like I could. Those photos were burned in my memory. Little baby Sawyer, a bigger smiling Sawyer, and one that looked so unsure .

“Your mom gave me something,” I said, voice hesitant. “Some of your baby photos.”

His head darted my way, brows knitting together. “Baby photos? She doesn’t have any of those.”

“She said she had three in her bag the day she…” I couldn’t bring myself to say the word.

“Left?” he suggested.

I nodded, staring down at my lap. “Yeah. She had them on her and she kept them. She said they’re copies. The originals are at home. She has a lot, apparently. Just in case she ever loses them…”

He shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “I haven’t even seen my baby photos. My dad never took any. I didn’t even know I fucking had baby photos.”

“Well,” I said, “she gave me three. Do you want to see them?”

For a long moment, he stayed still. His long fingers just held the steering wheel like it was the only thing keeping him anchored, and all I could think about was how I wished I could take away every last ounce of pain he was feeling.

Finally, he gave me a nod. A slow one, but it wasn’t uncertain, so I reached into my purse and pulled out the three photos.

Sawyer took them from me slowly, gripping them tight with his thumb and forefinger, that one from where he was just a few weeks old sitting there on top. That stony expression stayed there on his face. Brows a little furrowed, lips pressed tightly together, eyes focused below on the photos.

“She looks pretty happy,” he murmured.

I nodded. “Really happy. Like she couldn’t wait to hold you in her arms.”

He slid that photo to the back, and then the one of him in the park was looking back at him. “Damn, look at that hair.”

“You look so cute,” I whispered. “That one’s my favorite.”

He moved on to the third photo, to the one where he looked so small and uncertain, like there was something there on his mind that never should have been there at that age.

I watched Sawyer closely, his eyes stuck there on his younger self.

His thumbs ran along his little face in photographic form, swallowing hard.

“My first day of school. Look how miserable I am. See, I hated school before I even started.” His smile looked forced, and it disappeared when our eyes met. “Things were getting pretty bad between my parents around then.”

I nodded, my hand squeezing at his knee. “Do you wanna keep them?”

“I…” He pulled in a long breath. “I don’t have any photos from when I was a kid.”

“It might be nice to keep them.”

“I guess it can’t hurt, right? It just… It just feels weird looking at them.”

“She kept them safe,” I said. “I mean, these are just copies. She said she made sure to keep the originals out of harm’s way ever since she…”

“Left,” he said.

“Yeah. Since the day she left.”

“I should have talked to her more today,” he said, eyes closing tightly for a second. “I didn’t mean to be so distant. It’s just… this whole thing has been hard. Spencer and her and Kurt. All of it. And… It’s just a lot for me.”

“You’re allowed to take things slowly, Sawyer. You can’t rush this. Take this is as slowly as you want.”

“I really couldn’t have done this without you.

” He turned to me some more, his hand reaching up, long fingers brushing against the side of my face.

He settled his hand against my cheek, cupping me there, his thumb tracing soft circles on my skin.

“You’re the only reason I’m getting through this, Holly. ”

That made my eyes flutter shut. Sawyer was stronger than he realized.

I was almost certain he could manage this all without me.

That every step, despite how hard it was, he could take it on.

He had been doing that his whole life. Fighting for himself, doing things no one else had to do, but he got through it.

He always did. And I knew he’d get through this.