Page 35 of Infinite as They Come (Sinful Trilogy #3)

Her head shook, hands pressing up against my face tightly, like she was scared I’d fade away in front of her. “That’s not happening. It’s not. I promise you, Sawyer, I’m not going anywhere.”

“I know I’ve been distant. I’ve been kinda… closed off, like I don’t want to let you back in. It’s not because I don’t want you back in my life. It’s just that I’m so worried that I’ll lose you again.”

Her head shook wildly. “You don’t have to feel that.”

“It’s there, you know? That feeling. Like it’s trapped inside of me. It’s a wall I didn’t think I’d ever be ready to let down. Because taking it down means I could get hurt again, and I can’t handle it happening a second time. I can’t.”

“I can’t even imagine what you felt when it happened,” she said, brows pulling together in a deep frown. “That day. You came back from school and…”

“You were gone,” I said, my laugh hollow.

“God, how awful.” Her eyes shut tightly for a second.

“I’m so sorry, Sawyer. I promise I’m never letting you go.

I’ve waited so long for this, for us to be together again.

I don’t blame you for feeling scared. You’re allowed to feel that, but I need you to know, Sawyer, that now that you’re here in front of me?

Now that I can see you and talk to you? I know I’ll never give this up. ”

“I like spending time with you. And Spencer and Kurt. The other night at your place, when we had dinner? That night was so good. Normal. I’ve never really had normal before. But I really liked it. And I hope we can have more moments like that.”

Slowly, she smiled, and it still looked warm despite how wet her eyes were. “I liked it too. So much. It’s one of my favorite days ever. I’m so lucky. The luckiest person in the world to have you as my son…”

“Mom,” I said, avoiding her eyes. My chest was getting all twisted up at her words, at the moment.

I had spent my whole life searching for the love she used to give me, and it didn’t feel real to feel it again.

But I had to let myself feel it. I had to live it, trust her, let her love me, because not having these moments felt like a punishment for the both of us.

“Look at us two,” she said, finally pulling her warm hands away from my face. “People might think we’re a little crazy.”

“Maybe we kinda are.” I shrugged. “Oh well.”

She laughed, patting her hands against my shoulders. “I’ve gotta get a control of my emotions, don’t I?”

“No. It’s okay. You’re allowed to… feel whatever you’re feeling. I don’t mind.”

“I guess I’ve been feeling a lot lately. It’s a little hard not to, right?”

“Yeah, I’ve been feeling a lot too.”

“What you said? About having more moments like the other night?” she said.

“I want that too. And that day at the park. Days where we get to be together and learn about each other and just talk. I love talking to you, Sawyer. I love hearing about your life and all the things you’ve done. All the things I didn’t get to see…”

I nodded. “I like sharing it with you. And hearing about your life too. And… And Kurt. I like him. He’s nice. I’m glad you met someone who takes care of you the way you deserve.”

She pressed her lips together like she was holding back a cry. “Me too. And he likes you so much. So does Spencer, but you already knew that…”

I laughed. “Yeah, I like him too.”

“Should we go find them?” she asked. “I wonder how they’re doing at ring toss…”

I nodded and we moved back the way we came from, pushing our way through the crowd that seemed to have doubled in size since we first arrived.

I could see Spencer and Tommy shuffled up together while Kurt and Clara lingered not too far behind.

And there was Holly, chewing at her bottom lip, arms crossed, a nervous look on her face that I could see from a mile away.

Her eyes were darting left and right like she couldn’t settle on anything, one foot tapping against the ground.

Her head turned just in time to catch my eyes, right as I got close enough to drape an arm around her shoulder.

“Hey,” I said lowly. “You okay?”

“Just want everything to go good for you,” she whispered, nuzzling her nose into my neck. “Is everything alright?”

“Yeah, baby, I think everything’s gonna be good,” I said.

“Look at what I won!” Spencer cried out. In his little hands was some big plush dog, bright and blue and ridiculous looking, but he held it tight to his chest like it already meant too much to him. “Tommy helped.”

“Tommy’s got your back, huh?” I asked, giving his head a scratch.

“I can hang on to it for ya,” Kurt said, holding his hands out. “That way you and Tommy can have a proper wander around. Promise I won’t lose it.”

“Thanks, Dad.” Spencer smiled, sliding the dog into Kurt’s hands. “Can we play another game?”

Spencer and Tommy led the way and Kurt used his free hand to lace it with Mom’s, and even from where I was standing, I was pretty sure I could see the relief in her.

For the first time since I had her back in my life, she seemed calm.

Like she had been waiting for me to say those three words.

I forgive you . They were there on the tip of my tongue the whole time.

Had been since I first heard her voice on that phone call.

It felt like we both just needed me to spit those words out so we could move on.

“So,” Holly said, head turned my way. Bambi eyes filled with concern, she tucked herself in closer to me. “How’d it go?”

“Better than I thought it would,” I said.

“I feel… I don’t know, lighter? Like I had been waiting for that moment for too long.

It feels good, you know? To see her. To be around her.

To be around this and to have family. I don’t have to forget what happened, and I don’t think I ever could, but…

it’s good to have her back in my life. To let her be my mom again. ”

She hummed, keeping her body pressed to mine, and I gave the top of her head a kiss. “I’m really proud of you, Sawyer. I meant it when I said you’re the strongest person I know.”

“I couldn’t have done any of this without you. You know that, right? It’s you, Holly. You’re the one getting me through this. You’re the one making this easier, and this has been hard as fuck. ”

She halted for a second, standing on the tips of her toes and pressing her lips to my cheek. “You’re stronger than you think.”

The night carried on, and it was like someone had hit a switch.

The glow of all the rides felt brighter, the air smelled cleaner, and all that weight that always sat there on my shoulders felt like it was slowly fading away.

Not gone. Not all of it. But I could feel the shift and I welcomed it.

I let myself talk to Kurt about some of my paintings, let myself help Spencer try and win some prizes at the ball and bucket toss, let myself sit with my mom for a second as we ate some greasy French fries.

But the best part was letting myself enjoy it all.

Not being angry at the world was a nice change of pace.

When the clock struck ten, Spencer and Tommy looked just about ready to tap out. I didn’t think Tommy had it in him to even get tired, but I actually saw the kid yawn. So, Mom and Kurt drove Clara and Tommy back to the motel, the backseat stuffed with that giant plush dog.

“I guess it’s just us now, hm?” Holly said, resting her head against my arm. “You wanna call it quits too?”

My head turned just slightly, catching her eyes. A little smile spread across my lips and my hand found hers almost on instinct. “Nah, not yet. I gotta win you a prize, don’t I?”

She giggled as I guided her towards one of the game stalls. “Most of these games are impossible to win at. We need Tommy and Spencer.”

“Nah, I got this,” I said, eyeing the stalls either side of us. “What prize do you want? Pick it out and I’ll get it for ya.”

“Oh, there’s so much to choose from.” Holly tapped a finger to her chin. “Fake mustaches, stickers, candy. What more could a girl want?”

“I should have taken you to the classy fair. The one where they give out yachts and private jets. Next time, baby. I promise.”

“I do need a new yacht…”

“Ah,” I said, coming to a halt in front of the balloon darts stall. “ This I can do. My hand eye coordination is top notch.” I leaned in closer, letting my lips brush against her ear. “You can vouch for that, right, princess?”

“Shh.” She giggled, circling her hands around my shoulders. “What are you gonna win me, hm?” Her head turned, eyes scanning the rows of prizes before she gasped and pressed herself to me tighter. “Ooh, that bear. That little purple one.”

Humming, I followed her gaze until I found the target. All purple and fluffy with eyes that were kind of lopsided. “It’s ugly. You want that thing?”

“Hey,” she said, batting her Bambi eyes at me. “If you love me, you’ll win it for me.”

And now I had to win it. I had to. She gave me that look and everything. Groaning, I pressed my lips to hers. “Alright, let me show you how it’s done, but you gotta give me a prize after.”

“Hm, what do you want?”

“You gotta give me a kiss if I win.”

The lights from some ride in the background was giving her a perfect glow, making her look like a goddamn angel as she bit into her bottom lip and gave me a little nod. “I’ll give you two.”

“Very high stakes,” I murmured. I handed over some cash to the guy running the stall, and he quickly explained the rules.

Hit three balloons, win the bear. Easy. There was a whole wall of balloons in front of me—only half filled, which meant popping them was going to be a little harder, but my girl wanted a bear, and I wasn’t leaving without it.

Head tilted that tiny bit, I threw the first dart, only for it to bounce right off the balloon and hit the ground. “Damn,” I hissed.

“Ooh, such good hand eye coordination,” Holly said, giggling behind me.

“Hey, come on, I’m tryna win this for you here.

” I pushed the sleeves of my flannel shirt up my forearms and grabbed another dart, closed one eye, zeroed in on one of the balloons that seemed to be that tiny bit more blown up than the rest, and threw.

A loud pop filled the air, and I heard Holly clapping behind me.

“Yay,” she said. “Just two more.”

I smiled a little at the brightness there in her voice. Like I was about to win her some life changing prize. I grabbed another dart and tossed that one, and thankfully, that dart didn’t go bouncing like the other. The balloon popped with ease instead, and then I was just down to one more.

“Oh my god, the suspense,” Holly whispered behind me. “I’m sweating so bad right now.”

Snorting, I picked up the final dart, focused my eyes on the bright yellow balloon right there before me, and threw it like my life depended on it.

It was Holly’s arms wrapping around me that let me know that I had won, because the sound of the balloon popping registered second. Her touch always came first.

“You did it,” she said, voice soft and bright. “You’re my hero, Sawyer Westbrook.”

Chuckling, I grasped her waist as the guy behind the stall nodded my way.

“Your aim’s not too bad, huh?” he said. “What prize do you want?”

“Which one, honey?” I asked Holly.

“That teddy bear please,” Holly said, pointing towards that purple bear. “I guess it’s not so rigged after all, hm?”

“I don’t know,” I muttered. Picking up one of the darts, I pressed what was supposed to be the sharpened end to the pad of my finger, but all I felt was the dullest of stings. “Hey, this dart is blunt as fuck. Thing’s not even—”

“Enjoy the bear, lovebirds!” The guy chuckled nervously, shoving the bear into my face before quickly moving up to the other end of the booth. “Hey, who wants to win a prize for their girlfriend?”

“Fuckin’ rigged,” I grumbled, handing Holly the bear. “You gotta do an undercover story on this or something.”

Grasping the bear with soft hands, she smiled. “I’ll get on that.”

“Where’s my prize?” I held her waist a little tighter. “You promised me a kiss, right?”

She smiled. “I did. I promised you two of them.”

Turning to the side, I gave my cheek a tap. “Come on. Pay up, princess.”

From the corner of my eye, I could see her lifting up on the tips of her toes, her gentle hands landing on one of my shoulders.

She leaned in, lips soft against my cheek, and that was when I turned just in time.

Capturing her lips with mine, she let out a squeal, her arms circling around my shoulders while mine stayed wrapped against her waist. The sound of her sweet, beautiful laughter hit my ears, and it made me pull her tighter to me as we kissed.

My favorite sound. My favorite girl. And now it felt like I was living in one of my favorite moments.

It was the perfect way to end a night that had me on edge since we left the motel.

Letting your walls down sure as hell felt good.