Page 28 of Infinite as They Come (Sinful Trilogy #3)

Ah, here it was. It had been a long time since I had been yelled at by my mother.

You could never really prepare yourself for it, no matter how old you were.

I nodded at her and shut the truck off, following her inside.

I could hear Spencer’s feet padding along the carpet as he ran off to the bathroom. He was still buzzing, apparently.

She brought me into the kitchen and I awkwardly took a seat by her, placing his broken glasses on the table.

“I’m sorry his glasses broke,” I said. “I know they’re not cheap. I’ll pay for them.”

Her head tilted as she looked at me. “You say that like it’s your fault.”

“It is. Kinda.” My eyes closed for a quick moment.

“No, not kinda. It is my fault. I bumped into Spencer last week and he… had a bad day at school. Those kids were giving him a hard time again, and he wanted to know how to fight ‘em. How to defend himself. I tried to teach him. I guess that didn’t really go well, because now his glasses are broken and he’s hurt. I’m sorry.”

Slowly, she reached a hand out. It was such a cautious move.

Slow, unsure, like I would bite, but finally, she let her hand rest on top of mine.

Maybe she thought I’d fling hers off or something, because she kept looking at our connected hands like she couldn’t quite believe what was happening. I couldn’t believe it either.

My mind was a mess, too many thoughts jamming into my head all at once.

One stood out more than the others. She probably wouldn’t want to look twice at me after this.

I had fucked up badly, had thought that I could just give Spencer a push towards confidence, but that had blown up in my face.

Maybe I’d only get to have my mom back in my life for a little while.

Maybe it was always meant to be like that: like she was never supposed to be with me forever or something.

“You look so worried,” she whispered.

“I don’t want Spencer to be hurt,” I said. “And I don’t want…”

“What?”

“I don’t want this to be a reason we don’t talk again.”

Deep frown on her face, she gave her head a shake. “What do you mean?”

“If you’re pissed at me, I get it. I let Spencer get hurt. I mean, I was tryna help. I thought I was trying. I should have told you that those kids were messing with him again, but he really wanted to know how to fight, and it’s kinda hard to say no to him.”

She blinked at me. “You think I’m mad?”

“Aren’t you?”

“No. It was an accident. I know it was an accident, and that’s not something I’d ever hold against you. You tried to help Spencer. That’s what big brothers do, right?”

My throat cleared. “It feels really weird being someone’s big brother.”

“Spencer really likes you,” she said, squeezing at my hand. “He thinks you’re so special and brave and strong. I bet he thinks that even more now…”

“I don’t know about that.” I chuckled. “I just didn’t want those kids to keep messing with him.

And I don’t want… I don’t want us to go back to how it was before.

With us not talking. Or seeing each other.

It’s really nice seeing you again. I know I haven’t been…

open. Or ready to talk. It’s been really hard for me.

Letting you back in and everything. I’m sorry if I haven’t been so upfront.

I want us to talk and for things to be how they’re meant to be.

It’s just scary, because the last time I loved you… ”

She let out a quick, shaky breath. “I left.”

“Right. And I know you didn’t mean to hurt me, but…”

“I still did.” She nodded, eyes getting all shiny with tears, and my heart broke into pieces at the sight. “And you’re scared I’ll do it again.”

“Yeah.”

There was that sound of footsteps again, this time more rushed.

A second later, I spotted Kurt. His face was a little red, still in his high visibility shirt.

It looked like he came straight from the warehouse, and I felt like even bigger of an asshole for throwing his and my mom’s days off. Spencer’s too.

“Oh, Kurt, you’re home,” she said.

“Is everything okay?” he asked. “I was in a meeting when you called. Left my phone in the break room. I’m sorry. I came as quick as I could. Where’s Spencer?”

“In the bathroom,” she said. “Sawyer picked him up.”

Kurt nodded and gave my shoulder a squeeze. “Thank you, Sawyer.”

He took off through the door after that, and my mom whispering my name had me turning back around to face her.

“I missed out on so much,” she said. “I don’t want to miss anything else, Sawyer. It’s so nice having you back. Seeing you, talking to you. I’m so lucky I get to do that.”

I nodded. “I feel pretty lucky too. Having you back, I mean.”

“I’m not ever going to let you out of my life again, Sawyer. I hurt you so much. I don’t even deserve to sit down at this table with you.”

“That’s not true. You were trying to save yourself, and you did, and you found someone who kept you safe too. Someone who treated you better. The way you should have been treated from the beginning. I’m happy you found him. That you got to start again. You deserve that.”

“But I still hurt you. I did something I regret so, so much. Sawyer, if I could go back in time, I’d do it all differently. I’d take you with me. I swear I would.”

I could hear the pain in her voice. The honesty stood out above that, though.

It came through. I could see it in her eyes, in the way she looked at me.

She meant it. I knew she did. And I so badly wanted that wall between us to fall down, for every brick to come toppling to the ground so we could just skip to being a normal family, but I still wasn’t completely ready to take that leap.

The padding of feet behind me distracted me. Kurt and Spencer were back. Spencer took the seat closest to mine, smiling my way.

“Sawyer, would you like to stay for dinner?” my mom asked. “You could invite Holly too.”

Holly. Christ. Holly . House. Jesus fuck, Mandy had probably already given that house away to that other couple. I winced at the thought of someone other than me and Holly living in it. It really did feel like ours.

“Uh,” I mumbled. “I’m sorry. I can’t tonight. I… I’ve got some stuff to do.”

“Maybe another time?” Kurt suggested.

“Yeah, another time,” Spencer said. “Tomorrow.”

“Uh, maybe not tomorrow, sweetheart,” my mom said with a small laugh, but then the look on her face got all serious as she eyed me. “But another time. It would be so nice to have you over. Holly as well. Maybe this Saturday?”

I nodded. “I’ll talk to Holly.”

I wasn’t entirely sure how to make my exit. Hug her, kiss her on the cheek? Kurt made it a little easier when he suggested walking me out, so I just gave my mom and Spencer a wave that probably looked as awkward as it felt before I made my way outside to the truck with Kurt.

“I’m sorry,” I said to him. “About Spencer getting hurt. And his glasses. How much do they cost? I’ll pay for ‘em.”

Kurt smiled, shaking his head. “Spencer was in need of a new pair, anyway. I’ll drive him over to the optometrist now. They should be able to squeeze him in. Last time his glasses broke, they gave him some sample contact lenses to wear. That should last him until his new glasses arrive.”

“But…” I kept thinking about that bruise on his face. “He got hurt ‘cause of me.”

“He got hurt because those kids like picking on him.”

“But I’m the one who…”

“Taught him how to fight? At least you know how to. I tried that with him once, and all I did was embarrass myself. I’ve never seen Spencer so happy. I think he needed a little confidence boost, and you definitely gave him one.”

“I don’t like the idea of those kids pushing him around.”

“Me either. You’re a good brother. He’s never fought back until today. Maybe he thought he couldn’t do it. This is all Spencer’s gonna talk about for weeks, and hopefully those kids won’t see him as some sort of target now.”

“Yeah, I hope so. And if you just let me know how much his new glasses are gonna cost…”

Tongue clicking, he waved a hand my way. “Don’t worry about that. I can handle it. Like I said, he was due for some new ones in a month or so, anyway. Looks like we just took a shortcut.”

“Some shortcut,” I huffed.

“I’m sad Spencer got hurt, but I’m happy he knows he has it in him to stand up for himself. And that you taught him. He’s lucky he’s got such a good big brother.”

Hand rubbing at the back of my neck, I laughed lowly. “He makes it easy. He’s a good kid. I like being his brother.”

“He really likes being yours. He’s real proud of himself, Sawyer. I’ve never seen him like that before.”

“Well, I just wanted him to know that he didn’t just have to take it, you know? He’s stronger than he realizes.”

“That he is,” Kurt said, warmth bright in his eyes. “I’ll get out of your hair, Sawyer, but don’t forget about dinner! We’d love to have you over. Holly too!”

I gave him a nod, watching as he disappeared into the house.

That had gone a lot better than I had imagined.

I really had been expecting my mom and Kurt to both rightfully lose their shit and tell me to never come back to their place again.

But my mom seemed fine. Kurt seemed fine.

And Spencer seemed over the goddamn moon, and I really liked seeing him all happy and confident.

I hopped into the truck and pulled my phone out, just about to call Mandy to see if she was still at her office, but the words looking back at me on the screen had my heart feeling all bruised and battered .

That house in Coupland has sold. I’m sorry. I’ll absolutely find you something else. I promise!

It was gone. Gone before I even got to have it.

Gone before I even got to really imagine what it’d feel like to be in that home with Holly.

It would have been nice to just fantasize for a couple more hours.

Even just one more. Just an hour where I got to close my eyes, disappear into that dream where it was me and her, where I got to wake up with her every day in a place that was ours.

It had been perfect. Location, size, layout, lemon tree. My head rolled back against the headrest, my eyes closing as more visions of me and Holly in that house hit me with bright colors. Me painting. Her writing. Us together.

And just like that, it faded away like it was never meant to be.