Page 47 of Infinite as They Come (Sinful Trilogy #3)

Sawyer

I noticed that the bed was empty the second I woke up.

There was no Holly lying on my chest, her body pressed all up against mine, her long hair a wonderful mess that sometimes managed to get into my mouth—but I never cared about that, because it meant I had her so close.

It meant I got to feel her soft skin, my hand rubbing against her back or arm or waist. It meant I got to inhale that pretty lavender scent of her shampoo. It meant I got to wake up to her face.

We hadn’t fallen asleep with her in my arms last night.

I slept best with her pressed right up against me.

With her head on my chest and my arms circled right around her.

It was the only way to fall asleep, really.

I could remember that feeling so clearly as I lay there in bed with her all the way on the other side, like she was on another fucking planet even though she was only a few inches away.

I had told myself last night to never let things between us get so messed up that we ever do that again.

That even if we had been arguing all day and shooting each other glares and scoffing at each other, that at the end of the day when the moon was high in the sky, that we still stayed all tangled up together as we slept.

That didn’t happen last night, but I had woken up for the briefest of minutes, vision blurry and my mind a mess, with Holly in my arms. She had found me.

Or had I found her? Maybe we both found each other.

There in our sleeping states, our bodies had been led together, like we’d be pulled together no matter what.

I had pressed a gentle hand to the back of her head, cradling her to my chest while I used my other hand to keep the blankets secure against her body, keeping her tight to me. She was safe in my arms. Always.

But now it was morning, and that feeling of her body on mine was gone.

Eyes snapping open, I sat up slowly, peering over at the bathroom door. It was wide open, but I couldn’t hear any noise. The sun was already pouring in through the windows, the streams a little too strong, which meant it was later than I would have liked.

I got out of bed and checked the bathroom only to find it empty. Holly wasn’t outside either, and when I looked down at the parking lot, I couldn’t see her either by or in the truck.

Moving back inside, I was just about to grab my phone and call her when I saw it. A piece of paper folded up on the bedside table with my name scrawled across the front in Holly’s neat, cursive handwriting. My heart sunk a little, and when I snatched it off the bedside table, it sunk even more.

I’m just going to Dallas for the day to see my parents. Didn’t want to wake you. I’ll be back in the afternoon. I love you so much.

Holly.

“Fuck,” I said, teeth gritted. There was a whirlwind in the room after that. Me shoving my legs into my jeans and almost hitting the carpet in the process. Me trying to brush my teeth while I slid on a T-shirt. Me calling Holly again and again only to get no response. I deserved that, though.

Was she upset? She was bound to be. It was a month and a half of me keeping secrets and being closed off and in my head, and there she was, still by my side, giving me so much love I felt it every second of the day.

Her things were still in the room which was a good sign.

All her clothes, hair stuff, makeup. And that note said it clear as day: I’ll be back in the afternoon .

Holly wasn’t a liar, but I was. I had done it right to her face too, looked her in the eyes and fed her a lie that she didn’t deserve to feel.

Now I had to fix it. I would fix it.

I got ready in record time and was out the door and down the stairs in only a few minutes, ready to run over to the truck when I collided with a body.

“Whoa!” It was Kurt, his eyes widening a little as he pressed his hands on either one of my arms. “You’re in a rush today.”

My hands slid through my hair. “Fuck, sorry. You okay?”

“I’m fine. Where are you off to in such a hurry?”

“Holly,” was all I could say.

His eyes softened immediately. “Is she okay?”

“She’s…” I let out a long breath, and it came out all ragged. “She’s back in Dallas. Back at home.”

“Did something happen?”

“We kinda had a fight,” I said, rubbing my hands over my face. “I don’t know if Mom told you about the whole house thing.”

“Ah, yes. Your house journey. I take it that’s not going so well?”

“It’s fucked from top to bottom,” I blurted out. Looking over my shoulder, I scanned the area for Spencer. Was he around? “My bad. Sorry. Where’s Spencer? Are you and Mom hanging out here again?”

“Not the both of us. I was dropping Spencer off at Tommy’s. They’re gonna watch wrestling. And that boy swears like a sailor, so Spencer’s gonna hear it, anyway.”

“Right.”

“You’re driving back to Dallas?” he asked, brows furrowed. “Right now? It’s a bit of a drive.”

“I don’t care as long as I get to Holly at the end. I need to fix this. I need to make it better.”

“She’s lucky to have someone who cares about her so much.

” He raised a hand, letting it rest against my shoulder.

“Me and your mom can see the way you look at the girl. The way she looks at you too. Sounds like you’ve got a lot on your plate right now.

I’m sorry things haven’t gone how you planned, Sawyer. ”

It felt weird to have that comfort from him.

Kurt was a good guy, and I really wasn’t used to that shit.

Almost every interaction with me and my dad ended in bruised eyes and split lips, so to have Kurt look at me like he was ready to throw his arms around me for a hug was a strange concept. Strange, but good.

“I didn’t realize it’d be this hard,” I admitted.

“The whole house dilemma, or being in love?”

“No, being in love with Holly is the easiest thing in the world,” I said, giving my head a shake.

“It’s the best thing too. I’m the lucky one.

I don’t know what I did to get someone like her, but she’s it for me.

She’s perfect. And I just want to get to that next part of our lives, I want to find us that home that’ll be our forever, but it just feels like fucking everything keeps getting in the way. ”

He hummed. “I suppose bumping into your mother has made it a little harder. You probably imagined this all going so differently in your head.”

I laughed, all dry and humorless, my eyes scanning the parking lot.

“Yeah, I had it all planned out in my head, and it definitely wasn’t supposed to happen like this.

I’m just… I’m just so in love with her. I didn’t even think it was possible to be this in love with someone, but she’s just…

She’s every thought I have. I wake up, and it’s her.

I go to sleep, and it’s her. I paint, her.

I breathe, her. And I knew from the second she told me that she wanted to be mine that I couldn’t give her every last thing.

I couldn’t give her the world like I wanted, all those things she’s used to, but I could still love her, and I do.

I love her so much it hurts, but lately?

Lately it just feels like no matter what I do, I mess up. I thought I was doing the right thing…”

“Hey,” Kurt said, voice lowering to a kind, soft whisper. “You’ve got a good head on your shoulders, you know that?”

“It doesn’t feel like it.”

“Being in love is easy, just like you said. But love itself? It’s hard. It gets messy, complicated. Things don’t always go as you planned. There’s a lot of hard parts sometimes.”

“She makes the hard parts easy. Me and Holly have been through a lot of hard parts. But the good parts? They’re the best. They make it all worth it. She’s worth everything.”

“Your mom keeps talking about the way Holly looks at you,” Kurt said. “Like she’s got stars in her eyes or something. I see it too. She really does look at you like you hung the moon. I can tell you feel the same way about her.”

“I’ve been messing up lately,” I muttered, eyes lowering to the ground. “I always think I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing with her, but then I manage to mess it up.”

“She makes you loopy.” Kurt grinned. “If that’s not love, then I don’t know what is.”

“Yeah…” I said, voice trailing off. Holly had always made me loopy—from the goddamn get go too. Maybe we were always meant to fall in love.

“Go get your girl, son,” he said, squeezing at my shoulder. His eyes widened suddenly, snatching his hand away from me like he had been burnt. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have—”

“You can call me that.” I nodded. “It’s fine. It’s… okay.”

He smiled, soft and warm, his hand back there on my shoulder. “Your mom was right when she said you’ve turned into a man. Strong, hardworking, determined. Holly’s a very lucky girl.”

“Nah, I told you, that’s me,” I said, taking a few steps backwards. “Look, I’m sorry, but I gotta go.”

He nodded eagerly. “Go, go. Go find her.”

“Thanks for the talk,” I said, still keeping up with those backwards steps. “And looking after my mom. And… everything.”

“Just go!” He laughed. “And drive safe, okay?”

“Yeah, okay!” I waved, running over to my truck, my brain still packed with thoughts of Holly.

My hands gripped the wheel tight as I moved onto the main road.

It’d be a long drive. Three hours, maybe three and a half if I had shitty traffic, but it was worth it if I got to her in the end.

I was left wondering how long Holly had been gone and what she was doing.

Back in Dallas, back at home. I could imagine her dad’s words so clearly: I knew he’d mess up.

I told you so. This was always going to happen.