Page 18 of Infinite as They Come (Sinful Trilogy #3)

Holly

Diana Olivia Button was beautiful. Cascading red locks, big green eyes, a smile that was far too radiant.

Hollywood didn’t deserve her. She was sitting in front of me at the little table by the window, the afternoon light pouring in and hitting her just right.

It made her glow as she talked, all clad in a green flowy dress that made her hair stand out, topped off with a red scarf that she tossed over her shoulder.

“It’s been quite some time since somebody’s interviewed me,” she said, shooting me a grin, and then her eyes drifted over to her left. “And since someone painted me.”

My eyes followed hers over to Sawyer. He was sitting on the bed, feet up with the canvas pad in his lap and a paint brush in his hand, his back against the headboard.

When Diana had showed up at the door for her interview, the first thing she noticed was Sawyer’s paintings scattered around the place.

She had picked a couple up—thankfully not that one Sawyer had done of me that was tucked away safely—and skimmed her fingers across it, admiring every last brushstroke.

She had joked about Sawyer painting her, but then he got all his stuff set up, and soon the sound of his brush grazing along the canvas could be heard as he got to work.

“I’ll do you justice, Mrs. Button,” Sawyer drawled, eyes stuck on the canvas pad.

“ Ms . Button,” she corrected. “I never married. Never felt the need to. I never liked the idea of settling down. I always liked to wander around. When I first moved to Los Angeles in 1966, I was just seventeen. I had lived in Nebraska my whole life back then. Never travelled, never been on a plane. I got the bus to Los Angeles—can you believe it? At least thirty of them until I finally made it there. My first role was on a TV show. Some silly drama. My first movie role was where things really took off…”

Diana’s smile wouldn’t leave her face as she went into detail.

Her first movie, the second one, her first commercial, her third movie that the critics labeled as a “cinematic atrocity” but ended up being her favorite ever role—one where she played a woman on a ship filled with rich aristocrats, all of which tried to murder her.

Diana’s character came out on top, of course.

She didn’t mind being in smaller movies.

She preferred them. They weren’t so serious, weren’t so pretentious, and according to her, as an actress, all she really wanted to do was have fun.

“I met Gerald Ashford on the set of Ghost Town ,” she said.

My eyes peered up from my notepad. The name rung a bell. I was pretty sure he was some famous actor who starred in a lot of those older movies my dad always liked to watch. “Gerald Ashford?”

“Mhm. My first boyfriend. I might not have ever married, but I did date. He wasn’t just my first ever boyfriend, though.

He was my first love,” she said, sighing longingly, but then a smile stretched across her lips.

“Love doesn’t always last forever, you know?

That’s what happened with me and him. It was a wild kind of love.

The kind where you argue one minute and then kiss the next because you just can’t get enough of each other.

There was that spark the moment I saw him, and then… it was gone.”

“I’m sorry it didn’t work out.”

“Oh, darling, don’t be silly.” Reaching over, she gave my arm a little pat. “I knew it wasn’t going to last from the minute I met him, and that’s okay. Not all loves last forever. Some are just as I said: fiery, wild, passionate, but fast. So fast you can’t keep up.”

I laughed softly. “Sounds like it was pretty crazy.”

“It was, but that was what made it so good. Just a moment in time, you know?” she said, her eyes falling to Sawyer before they locked with mine again. “There’s other loves, though. Ones that last a lifetime. Longer than that, really. Love that’s strong, so warm, so… infinite.”

I couldn’t help it. My eyes moved to Sawyer, to his still form, to the way he pulled his brush away from the canvas, like he needed to pause too.

His eyes weren’t on the canvas anymore. Instead they found me.

We didn’t say anything. Didn’t need to. For a long moment, it was just us.

His eyes stayed locked on mine and that was enough to halt me, to keep me from ever looking at anyone else.

I knew what I was seeing: my future, my forever, my love that was infinite.

Sawyer exhaled softly, fingers tightening against the brush before he swallowed.

“Sometimes people find love that lasts forever,” Diana said, voice all soft and wistful. “Beyond that. It’s rare, though, isn’t it? To find something like that.”

“You have to be pretty lucky to find it, I guess,” I said.

“I suppose you two have already found it…”

My head whipped around to face her at that, finally breaking my little staring session with Sawyer. She was looking at me with a tiny smile, her head tilted with knowing, bright eyes like she could read my mind.

“Us two?” I said, laughing shyly.

“Yeah, you two,” she said, eyes bouncing between me and Sawyer. “Young love. There’s nothing quite like it, right?”

“I suppose not,” I said. Face still all warm, I let my eyes fall to my notebook, the page covered top to bottom in writing. “It sounds like you don’t have any regrets. I love that. It’s pretty admirable.”

“Oh, I don’t have a single one. This life I’ve lived?

I’ve done everything I’ve ever wanted to do.

Movies, traveling, friendships. When I first got to Los Angeles I told myself I could never hold back if I wanted to make it.

And maybe I didn’t in the way everyone else measures success.

Some might not think I’m living a very glamourous life, but I’d disagree with them in a second.

” She laughed, the sound warm and vibrant.

“I’ve done everything I set out to do. Talked to everyone I’ve ever wanted to talk to.

Been to every place I’ve ever wanted to go to.

Loved every person I wanted to love. Regret hurts too much.

It weighs you down, and why would I want to be weighed down, when all I want to do is fly?

Life slips through your fingers so easily, so quickly.

When you’re young, you don’t realize it.

But at my age, I know. I know I don’t ever want to go a day with a single regret. ”

Her voice was measured, her words warm, her eyes staring right at mine like she really wanted me to understand what she was saying.

Clara had been right about the residents in the Melrose Motel being wise.

Pen scratching against the paper, I nodded, and for a millisecond, I let my eyes land on Sawyer once more.

He had paused again, but this time his brows were knitted together, and I had a feeling he needed to hear those words from Diana too.

That they made more sense to him than to me.

His mom had reached out the other day. Just a simple message: her asking us if we were free this weekend for lunch in the park, but Sawyer had yet to respond. I couldn’t blame him for that.

I let her words sweep over me before we carried on with the rest of the interview, the soothing sound of the brush meeting the canvas in the air, all mixing in with Diana’s infectiously dramatic voice.

An hour passed by in a minute flat, and soon my notebook was filled with quotes and stories all about Diana’s rather eccentric life.

“I guess I’ve annoyed you enough with all my questions,” I said, shutting my notebook. “Thanks so much. You’ve definitely lived an interesting life.”

“How else are you supposed to live it?” she said.

“I’m all done here too,” Sawyer said as he got off the bed, canvas pad in hand.

“Ooh, how exciting.” Diana stood up, taking quick steps to him, her hands pressed to her chest as she took in his work. “Would you look at that. You made me look so beautiful. Do I really look like that?”

“Seems like it,” Sawyer said.

“You are too talented.” Reaching up, she placed her hands either side of Sawyer’s face and pulled him down close to her. She pressed her lips to his cheek, a little smile stretching across his face as she let out a happy, “Mwah.”

“I’m glad you like it,” he said. “It’s too wet to give to you now, but come by tomorrow and it’ll be nice and dry and then you can take it back to your place.”

“I’ll hang it on the wall,” she said, raising a shoulder before meeting my eyes. “It was lovely talking to you, Holly. I hope you guys stick around for a little while longer. It’s fun having you both here.”

“Maybe we’ll move in,” I said, eyeing Sawyer. “I really like it here.”

“Yeah, let’s do it,” he said.

“Sounds fabulous to me,” she said, giving Sawyer’s arm a squeeze. “I’ll leave you two alone. Thank you for today. I’ll see you both later!”

I let her out, watching as she blew me a kiss before she spun around, her heels clicking against the pavement.

Shutting the door, I moved over to the canvas pad that Sawyer had sat down on the table, lips parting as I took it all in.

Every last wave of her fiery hair, the way her eyes had lit up as she told us all about her life, the dimple right there in her cheek.

“It looks so beautiful,” I whispered, and I quickly hummed when I felt Sawyer’s arms wrap around me from behind. His head found my shoulder as I layered my hands over his, getting lost in the sensation of him being right there. So close, so warm. “She’s so gorgeous. You captured her perfectly.”

“She’s something, huh?” he murmured. “That Gerald guy missed out…”

“Poor Gerald,” I said.

He held me a little tighter. “I keep thinking about what she said.”

“About not having regrets?”

“Yeah. And that made me think about my mom. About her wanting to see me again. She seemed scared. Like I’d disappear right in front of her, like I’d see her once and then never come back again.”

I had seen that in her eyes. Linda seemed like the sort of person who wore her heart on her sleeve.

She was open, vulnerable, willing. I liked that about her.

That she didn’t hide her thoughts or pain.

She had been sweet to me, and Kurt was just as kind.

I remembered how nervous he had been when he brought me into the backyard with Spencer.

How wide his eyes had been, how he kept lingering near the back door, like he was on edge about whatever Sawyer and Linda had been talking about.

He gave them their space, though. He stayed with me in the yard as Spencer showed me all his flowers.

The ones they planted together, the ones Spencer did all on his own.

“I really hated seeing her so scared,” he said. “And I kinda hate myself for making her feel like that.”

I nodded even though he couldn’t see my face, my eyes glued to that painting of Diana. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“It feels like I did.” There was a long silence between us before he spoke up again. “I can’t lose her again. I’m terrified of having to do that. Just like last time.”

We hadn’t talked much about his mom since the other day. I wasn’t going to force him to yell out every last one of his feelings. I knew I had to wait, that patience was important, but it seemed like he was finally ready to speak about her.

I spun around in his arms, met with green eyes drenched with concern.

My hands rested on his chest, the material of his T-shirt soft against me.

“I can’t imagine how hard this is for you.

I wish I could fix it all. I’d do it so quickly if I could, but you’re so strong to be doing this.

Talking to her, staying in this town when we could have left a week ago, standing here talking to me about this.

I wish I knew what she was thinking. What her next move would be.

You deserve better than to get hurt again. ”

“I barely made it through the first time,” he said, his laugh short and blunt.

“She’s trying. She wants to see you. Talk to you. Share things with you. She seems pretty eager to have you back in her life, even if it took her a while to do it.”

“I don’t even know what we’re supposed to talk about. I don’t know her anymore and she doesn’t know me.”

“I guess you’ll have to learn about each other again. Which means taking a risk, because…”

He swallowed thickly. “Because she could leave like before.”

“It was different then. It was hard for her. Life changes pretty fast, and it seems like she’s in a good spot to be here and talk to you and love you again.”

“Love me again,” he mumbled, his hands landing on my hips. “It’s been a while since I had a parent love me.”

My head tilted as I whispered out his name, my hands moving up to grasp his cheeks.

It wasn’t fair. None of it. He didn’t deserve a second of whatever pain he was feeling.

My thumbs stroked across his skin like I could sooth away the ache, standing on the tips of my toes so I could brush my lips against his.

“I love you, Sawyer,” I said. “I’m sure she’ll be able to see what I see.

Every good thing about you, and there’s so many.

So many things about you to love, and she’ll be the luckiest person in the world if she gets to be around you and see all those things.

Your strength.” Leaning forward, I pressed a light but lingering kiss to his lips.

“Your kindness.” Another kiss. “Your protectiveness.” Another one.

“Your heart.” One more kiss. “Your love. And I’m forever thankful that it’s me that gets to feel it. ”

He sighed, hands rising to the small of my back.

He pulled me in tight, our lips pressed together, those soft, little kisses suddenly no longer enough as our tongues met.

We kissed. Just kissed. Deep, hard, long, our bodies so close, his all warm and hard and solid despite it all.

My home, my forever, and I loved just kissing him, his hands always so firm on my body like he needed every last bit of me.

My hands stayed there on the side of his face like I was clinging to him, his lips finally pulling from mine, giving us both the chance to draw in breaths.

“I have to do this, right?” he said, forehead resting against mine.

“You don’t have to.”

“I feel like I do. Not just for her, but for me too. I need it. I… I don’t want to have any regrets, Holly.”

“They weigh you down…”

He nodded. “I can do it if you’re there. Will you come with me?”

“Of course I’ll come with you. I’ll be there if you want me there, Sawyer.”

“I want you there. I want you everywhere.”

Eyes a little wet, I gave him a smile. It was a small one. Barely there. But it was the only one I could manage in that moment. “I want you everywhere too.”