Page 11 of Infinite as They Come (Sinful Trilogy #3)

Holly

Me and Sawyer never finished that painting, but I liked looking at it.

The house he made, all intricate and perfect, my unbalanced sun and uneven stripe of blue along the top.

It had since dried, my fingers coasting along the sides of the house as I sat there on the bed with the canvas pad in my lap.

It brought me a sense of peace that was very much needed since yesterday’s bombshell.

Sawyer had been so quiet since last night, so in his head.

I hated it when he got in his head. Eyes flickering to the side, I eyed the open bathroom door, the sound of rushing water from the shower filling the room of the motel.

Life suddenly felt like it was on pause.

I had been looking forward to our escape across Texas, to seeing new places and things hand in hand with Sawyer, but that plan would have to be forgotten for now.

It looked like we’d be staying in Austin for a little while. That was more important.

I jumped when Sawyer’s phone buzzed on the bed next to me, and my eyes widened when I saw that same number from yesterday. My foot tapped against the floor, my shaky hands suddenly planted either side of me on the bed. Sawyer was still in the shower…

Slowly, one hand crept towards the phone.

I had heard just a few words from her. Barely a sentence.

I had a feeling the same thing would happen: that she’d hang up and the call would go nowhere.

I answered and pulled in an almost painful breath, his phone pressed to my ear as I forced out a, “Hello? ”

There was silence, then a heavy breath, then more silence. I parted my lips, just about to speak up again when a warm voice filled my ears.

“Hi. Sorry. I’m sorry. I keep calling and hanging up and calling and hanging up and you’re probably tired of me doing that,” she said, voice soft as she laughed. It was choked sounding, though. Like she was doing it through tears.

My eyes landed on the door. The shower was still running. “It’s okay,” I said. “Um, Sawyer’s a little busy right now if you wanted to call back later? I can tell him you called.”

There was a long pause before she spoke again. “I’m sure he wants nothing to do with me. You know, when I saw that card, when I saw his name, I really thought I was dreaming. That I was just making it all up in my head, but… It’s him, right?”

I frowned for a second. “Card?”

“The card. The one you gave my son? To Spencer?”

Oh, God. My fingers found my forehead, trying to rub away at the headache I could already feel forming. That boy had been Sawyer’s brother. Half-brother. He had been talking to his brother that day and didn’t even know it. The thought made me press my fingers to my forehead firmer.

“Maybe it’s best if you talk to him,” I said. “If you want to call back in a little bit…”

“Are you…? I’m sorry, who are you?”

“Uh, his girlfriend.”

“Girlfriend. Oh, he really is so grown up now. I missed so much, didn’t I?

I bet he hates me. I bet he doesn’t even want to talk to me.

I’m sure you know that. I’m sure he told you that.

That he’s not interested in speaking to me.

Why would he be? I’m sure he never wants to speak to me.

It’s okay if he never wants to see me again. Tell him I won’t hold it against him.”

I winced at her words. “It’s not like that…”

“I know me calling up out of the blue isn’t fair, but I saw his name on that card and I thought, that couldn’t be him, right? My son. My boy, who I guess isn’t a boy anymore. What are the chances that it’s him? But it’s him, isn’t it? It’s… ”

“Yeah…” I toyed with the hem of my dress. “It’s him.”

“I would so love to talk to him. Properly. Face to face. But it’s just…

” She trailed off, and I could practically feel the worry there in her voice.

It was too thick to miss it. “I thought I’d be ready to talk to him and hear his voice, but I’m not, and it’s a lot easier talking to you.

I can’t do it. Not today. I just can’t do it today. I just need some time.”

“Right.” I cleared my throat. “I understand.”

“But I have to, right? I need to talk to him. See him. His face… I just want to see his face. If I message you my address, could you ask him if he’ll come visit?

Maybe in a few days, when I have time to just…

process everything, and feel less… like this.

Please just ask him. I would really love to see his face… ”

I nodded. “I’ll ask for you.”

She breathed out shakily. “Thank you. I’ll… I’ll get out of your hair now, and maybe… Maybe he’ll want to see me too…”

“I’ll… I’ll ask,” I said again.

“Thank you. Thank you for picking up, for talking to me. I’ll see you. Hopefully. Maybe. Goodbye…”

She hung up and I held the phone to my ear for what felt like an hour.

There was too much happening at once. His mom coming back into his life and that boy being his brother, and it didn’t feel fair in the slightest that Sawyer had to deal with all of it.

I sat there quietly as Sawyer finally came out of the shower, hair wet as he got changed.

He joined me on the bed, his fingers dancing along one of mine that was gripping the bed tight.

“Hey,” he said. “You okay?”

My eyes just barely met his. “I just… I just talked to your mom on the phone.”

His brows raised. “That’s a crazy sentence to hear.”

“I’m sorry. I just saw the number and picked up and…”

“No.” He gave his head a shake. “It’s okay. What’d she say?”

“She wants to meet you. She wants to talk. It sounded like she missed you a lot…”

Lips pressed together, he gave me a stiff nod. “Oh. ”

“She sent over her address if you want to see her…”

He gave me another nod that looked just as forced. “Right.”

“Also…” I fidgeted a little in my spot on the bed. “There’s something else I have to tell you…”

He let out a long breath of air. “Christ, now what?”

“I don’t know how to tell you this, but… Do you remember that boy we met the other day? The one in the park?”

His eyes darted to the side for a second as his brows pulled together, finally looking back at me. “That kid with the glasses?”

“Spencer.” I nodded. “Yeah. That’s how your mom got your number. From him.”

“From that kid? What? How?”

I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t and I didn’t even know how to, and it was like I could see the dots connecting in his head as he sat there and looked at me. He sat up straighter, body too stiff and rigid as I waited for the words to sink in.

“That’s her son then?” he asked lowly.

“Yes, and… I guess…”

“He’s my brother.”

“Yeah.”

His hand found his face, fingers scrubbing up and down. “Fuck, of course he is.”

“I’m so sorry, Sawyer.”

“I mean, I knew she had a new family,” he said lowly. “That’s old news, but fuck, I didn’t ever think I’d bump into one of them. Into my brother. God, I have a fucking brother. Jesus Christ.”

“Whatever move you make next is the right one. If you want to speak to her. You don’t have to speak to her, Sawyer, but… it really did sound like she missed you.”

He pushed his hand through his hair, turning to face me. “You talked to her. Like, actually talked to her?”

I nodded. “I did. Yeah.”

“Did she… Did she sound okay? Like… did she sound happy?”

The question almost suffocated me. Of course he’d ask that. My Sawyer was all heart, all protection. Despite all the longing, the missed birthdays, the cold nights without her wondering where she was, he still cared. Still worried about her, for her.

“She sounded kinda worried,” I said. “I think she’s scared you might not want her back in your life. That you might not feel… good about her.”

“I never thought about her like that. I never hated her for leaving, I just…” He pulled in a long breath. “It just would have been nice if things were different.”

I nodded and scooted in closer to him. “It’s okay to not decide right now.”

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do,” he said. “I’m not… I’m not ready yet. I don’t think I ever will be. I always thought I would be…”

“If you’re not ready to see her, that’s okay too…”

He nodded, lips pressed together as he ran both hands through his hair, not stopping until he got to the back of his neck.

He pressed down a little, like there was a whole heap of tension sitting there, and I would have done anything in the world just to take away his pain.

With his eyes stuck on the floor, I kept mine on his.

I wondered what was going through his mind.

What all of his thoughts were. If he knew he didn’t have to untangle all of this in a day, that he could wait, and that I’d be right there waiting with him.

“I need, um…” He drew in a long breath, eyes shutting.

“I just need to clear my head a little. Just… Just get out of here for a couple hours or something.” One hand reaching out, he placed it on my knee.

“It’s not you, Holly. I’m not trying to get away from you or run from this, I just need…

time, and I don’t wanna stay here all day just…

sitting. I gotta… I gotta move, I gotta get out of here, because then I’m just gonna be here thinking all day, and right now… ”

The words weren’t coming all rushed out.

They were leveled and quiet, and I knew what that meant: that he needed to do this alone, just for a little while, just until the thoughts got settled in his head.

I couldn’t push him to tell me what was on his mind, and it wasn’t my place to, anyway.

His fingers traced the tiniest of patterns there on my knee, all soft and soothing and gentle.

When he was ready, he would come back to me, he would open up.

Sawyer didn’t just blurt out his feelings, but when he did, he always did it with so much honesty, so much truth.

I would have to wait, and that was okay.

“I know,” I said. “You need time. Take as much as you need.”