Page 8 of Guarded (Hopeless Blessed #3)

You asked me if I knew how it felt to watch my fated mate fly away from me. Well, I can tell you that it fucking sucked. Especially knowing you were upset. No…hurt. Somehow that’s worse.

I bit my lip, questioning whether I’d been right to do that. Had I been any better than Jeremiah in that moment? At least he could blame his actions on panic or some other sensible emotion. Mine had been born of sheer pettiness.

I have my reasons for why I acted as I did. They don’t excuse it, but they exist all the same. You don’t owe me anything, and Satan knows I haven’t done anything to deserve your time, but I’m asking for it anyway.

One hour, Noah. Please give me just one hour to explain myself. If you never want to see me again after that, I’ll leave you alone. You can even sic the murder twins on me if you like.

That had my lips twitching. I’d had to threaten the twins many times since I’d moved in, and turn down their advances even more, but I didn’t doubt they’d avenge me if I asked them to.

I know I hurt you. Believe me when I say that was not my intention. Even if you weren’t my fated mate, I still wouldn’t want to cause you any pain. I like to leave men smiling, not hurting.

My lips thinned. I knew all too well about Jeremiah’s reputation for satisfying his lovers.

For a demon, I’m quite friendly. Just ask Nox. I haven’t stabbed him in several millennia, despite him giving me ample reasons to .

Please, Noah. One hour. You don’t owe me anything, but please. We can do it whenever and wherever you choose, just so long as we’re both there.

I’m sorry.

Jeremiah

My thumb traced over his name as I considered what he was asking. Jeremiah hadn’t behaved brilliantly, but then again, neither had I.

Did that mean I was ready to listen to him? I wasn’t sure. Dealing with my emotions was harder when I was face to face with someone. I was too trusting. Too na?ve. A few pretty words and I’d be forgiving all…only to get hurt yet again.

How many times did history need to repeat itself before I finally learned my lesson?

I read the note again. Then again and again, until I had every word memorised. Doing so didn’t bring me any closer to a decision. I folded it with a sigh, putting it under my mattress alongside the rose I’d saved.

It was stupid to hold on to hope that maybe this time would be different. I really should know better.

That was what terrified me the most. That I’d give Jeremiah a chance, only for him to hurt me down the line. My heart was already fractured from what Lyle had put me through. If my fated mate did the same, I wouldn’t ever recover.

Yet I couldn’t bring myself to get rid of the rose or the note.

I’d just finished smoothing down my bedding when there was a knock at the outer door. “Come in. ”

I felt Micah cross the wards. I wasn’t surprised it was him. He’d gone out of his way to get to know me better after our… encounter with Lyle on the beach. I’d revealed much more than I’d intended to that day.

Micah hadn’t judged me for sleeping with the leader of my unit.

Not that I’d been expecting that, given his former love for Dimitri.

I wasn’t the only one who’d fallen for someone who wouldn’t be mine.

At least Dimitri hadn’t strung Micah along.

From what I could gather, he hadn’t so much as looked twice at Micah.

Lyle hadn’t kept me at arm’s length for a noble reason like waiting for his fated mate or love for another. No, he just liked to keep his options open.

As well as his bed.

Micah smiled sympathetically as he leaned against the doorjamb. “You doing okay?”

“Yep.”

His eyes went to my bedside table, and then to the hearth. “Bit warm for a fire.”

Micah was my leader, but that didn’t stop me feeling irritated. “Who thought it was a good idea to let him inside my personal quarters?”

“No one.” Micah’s face softened. “None of us would betray your trust like that, Noah. Nox put the flowers in here, as a favour to Jeremiah. I told him it was a stupid idea, but he distracted me by…”

He flushed and I held up a hand to stop him. “Got it. No more details, please. I already walk around half-hard most of the day thanks to all the sex noises filling the house.”

Micah snorted. “Honestly, the nerve of Ez complaining about me and Nox. Him and Sam are ten times worse.”

I dropped into the armchair beside the fire, gesturing to the other one. “Make yourself comfortable. ”

He inclined his head in thanks as he took a seat. “I’m sorry if seeing the flowers upset you.”

“They didn’t upset me so much as frustrate me. I was pissed thinking one of you let him in here.”

“We wouldn’t do that,” Micah said firmly. “You’re a Seraphim, Noah. We’ve got your back. Even if we think you’re in the wrong, we’ll still support you. We train together. We fight together. We die together. Always.”

I fiddled with the ends of my hair. “I’m grateful to be part of the unit, you know that. I feel very comfortable here.”

“Unlike when you were in Juniper.” It’s not a question. Micah knows what I went through. “You know, I understand why you’re pushing Jeremiah away.”

“You do?”

“Yes. It makes sense knowing what you went through with Lyle.” Micah clasped his hands together over his stomach and fixed me with a hard stare. “But, Noah, Jeremiah isn’t Lyle.”

“I didn’t say he was.”

“No, but you’re comparing them,” he said softly. “I even understand why. The way Jeremiah behaved wasn’t great.”

I snorted. “That’s an understatement.”

“That doesn’t mean you can’t work it out.”

“What makes you so sure?”

“Because I did the same with Nox.” My mouth dropped open as Micah fixed his gaze on the flames. “I realised he was my mate and flew as hard as I could in the other direction.”

I blinked rapidly. I’d known their relationship hadn’t got off to the smoothest start, but I hadn’t known that was how Micah had reacted. “Why?”

He sighed.“Because my heart was aching for another. Someone I couldn’t have. I believed fate was wrong. That Nox couldn’t be the one for me. I truly thought there’d been a mistake somewhere.”

I stared at him. “But the two of you are perfect together. I’ve never seen two people more suited. Well, outside of the other mated pairs in the unit.”

“Exactly.” Micah leaned forwards. “We’re mates because of how well-suited we are. We might not always feel it, but fate knows what it’s doing.”

I wanted to believe him, I did. “What if it’s wrong about me? What if Jeremiah ends up breaking my heart?”

“What if he doesn’t?” Micah smiled tightly.

“I get it, Noah. I do. I understand how you’re feeling better than anyone else.

You’ve opened yourself up so many times, only to get kicked in the jaw repeatedly.

If anything, you’ve had it worse than I did with Dimitri.

There wasn’t a moment where he returned my feelings, and certainly nothing physical happened between us. ”

My hand clenched on my knee. “Yeah. The same can’t be said about me and Lyle.”

Micah rubbed a hand over his jaw. “If it wouldn’t cause more issues, I’d execute him. No, I’d go one better—I’d let Nox do it.”

“He’d make it painful, I’m sure.” Especially given how he’d contributed to Micah and Nox’s own near execution. “But it’d cause too much of a mess. Besides, he’s not worth any of our attention.”

“Indeed. Lyle isn’t worthy of your attention, but what about Jeremiah?”

I shifted in my seat, thinking of the note he’d left me. One hour, Noah. “I honestly don’t know.”

Micah smiled encouragingly. “Then perhaps you should find out.”