Page 32 of Guarded (Hopeless Blessed #3)

Noah

I made my way through the compound towards a room I’d often visited but never thought of as home . How could I, when every time I stepped inside, Lyle was quick to remind me I’d be leaving?

He was always quick to remind me of the boundaries.

Just like you do with Jeremiah.

I came to a halt outside Lyle’s door as the realisation hit me. Had I been holding him at arm’s length just as Lyle had done with me?

Fuck. I had. I’d been so scared that he was going to treat me like Lyle had, only to become the problem myself.

Suddenly, I had the urge to call Jem. He’d messaged me earlier, but I hadn’t been joking when I’d told him we’d be going from meeting to meeting. I’d barely had time to breathe, let alone anything else.

A text now wouldn’t be enough. I wanted to hear his voice. Fuck it, I wanted to see his face. To have him smile and tease me. To see the sparkle in his eyes as he described the places he’d been that day. To hear the things he’d learned and what he planned to do next .

Most of all though, I wanted to tell him about Lyle.

About how much I hated him for cutting me off from my friends.

About the clusterfuck of a situation I’d found myself in.

How I was going to have to spend time with someone I hated.

How I’d hate every minute of it, because it would be a reminder of my fucked-up past. How I couldn’t believe I’d settled for someone like him when Jeremiah had been out there waiting to meet me.

I pulled my phone out to do just that when the door suddenly opened. Lyle swayed in the doorway, leering at me in a way that made my skin crawl. “Look at that, right on time. Knew you’d come crawling back to me, Noah. You always do.”

I stepped out of his reach and wrinkled my nose. “The only place I’ll be crawling to is away from you. Jesus, you stink. When did you last shower?”

“Doesn’t matter,” Lyle said, his tongue swiping over his lip. “We both know you’ll sleep with me anyway. You’ve always been a desperate little whore.”

Right now, Lyle wasn’t in his right mind, but that didn’t excuse his behaviour. He’d said the same things to me before he’d lost control.

I’d been the one stupid enough to let him speak to me that way.

“I’m here to help the unit,” I said firmly. “That’s it, Lyle. You’re a fucking prick, and if it weren’t for the rest of them, I’d leave you here to rot.”

I grabbed his arm and shoved him back into his room. “All I give a shit about is protecting the others. If that means babysitting you so they can carry out their duties, then that’s what I’m going to do.”

He shook me off. “And what if I don’t want your babysitting services? ”

“Then I guess we’re going to find out just how much I’ve been holding back in your presence.”

Lyle didn’t take that for the threat that it was. Figured. He was always underestimating me. Instead, he narrowed his eyes at my phone. “Who are you going to call? Some other idiot you’ve managed to fool? Let me talk to them.”

He tried to swipe it from my hand but I held it out of his reach. “Who I speak to is none of your concern.”

Lyle bared his teeth at me. “Fine. Be like that. But you’re the one stuck with me until this fucking roadshow is over.

You can’t stay awake forever, Noah. The second you fall asleep, I’ll have it from you.

I’ll tell your little lover all about your secrets.

About how you always come back, begging me for more.

You’re a cock slut, Noah, and it doesn’t even matter whose it is. Does he know that?”

I gritted my teeth, refusing to rise to Lyle’s taunts. We both knew they weren’t true. Up until Jem, he’d been the only one I’d been with.

More fool me.

However, I also wasn’t giving Lyle the chance to mess with Jem the way he had with me. Nobody had protected me from Lyle, but I was going to protect Jem from him. He wasn’t tainting anything good in my life.

Never again.

Releasing a blast of power, I sent Lyle slamming back into the room. He collided with the wall, his spine snapping on impact. It killed him, but only temporarily. Just long enough for me to do what I needed to.

My hands shook as I pulled up a number. It wasn’t the one I wanted to call, but the one I needed to.

Micah.

He agreed to meet me right here in a few minutes. I was going to give him a quick rundown of my plans and ask him to look after my phone.

Lyle couldn’t get hold of it if I didn’t have it.

My voice was cracking by the time I hung up, Micah’s concern enough to push my frayed emotions to the limit. There was no way I could call Jem now. Not like this. I wouldn’t be able to hide my stress from him.

Maybe that wouldn’t be a bad thing. He could come and stay nearby. That might help.

I pushed that thought down as I opened our text thread. I wasn’t asking that of Jem. It wouldn’t be fair. This was my problem to deal with.

A tear fell as I read the messages he’d sent me earlier in the day.

There weren’t many, just a photo of a beautiful sunrise and his hopes that the conference was going well.

But right now, they were everything. Hope, just as Jem had said.

A reminder to hold on, because things would get better.

That Juniper wasn’t my life anymore. That I could and would be happy.

I just had to get through the conference first.

Micah’s footsteps echoed down the hallway, and I hurried to type a message to Jem.

Noah

The conference is awful. It’s too much to go into here, but I’ll fill you in later.

Wish I was with you. I miss you.

I wanted to say more, but Micah’s worried mouth was already opening with questions.

So instead, I powered down the phone and sent a silent apology to Jeremiah.

He’d understand when I explained everything .

I just had to hope and pray he’d give me that chance.

T hirteen days with Lyle had pushed me to and beyond my limits. The glimpses of lucidity Atlas had mentioned had been nowhere to be seen.

I’d thought Lyle was bad before, but this monster wearing his skin?

He was the lowest of the low.

I’d heard every foul insult he could think of, watched him try to escape over and over again, and fought him back every time.

Atlas had been right. I was strong enough to contain him.

But I wasn’t sure if I was strong enough to survive this. To survive Lyle. He’d almost broken me once before.

Now, he was on the verge of doing so again.

It might’ve been okay if I could have spoken to Jem, but Lyle seemed to have a sixth sense about when I was about to slip out. That was when the fights would turn physical, fists being used instead of powers.

It wasn’t hard to contain him. Even if his body hadn’t been struggling against whatever it was going through, I would’ve been able to pin him. But having to do so repeatedly?

It was exhausting. Worse, it was keeping me from speaking to Jem.

I missed him more than I’d thought possible. The pull from previous months had been nothing compared to now. It had me wanting to tear at my chest, as though doing so might free me from the torment.

It wouldn’t. Nothing would, other than seeing him.

After a morning of fighting, Lyle was finally asleep and snoring.

There was a quiet knock on the door. I didn’t bother to move from my position, slumped against the wall.

It was likely to be one of Juniper. While none of them were strong enough to contain Lyle, they’d been coming in here to watch him to give me a few hours to rest. I didn’t leave the room, but it meant I had company that wasn’t spitting vitriol.

It had occurred to me on the second day that I could ask them to get my phone from Micah. If one of Juniper was in here, that meant Lyle wouldn’t be able to take it from me while I slept.

But already Lyle had poisoned my mind. He’d taken me back to that dark place I had thought I’d left forever. As stupid as it sounded, I didn’t want any part of Jem in this darkness. This was my pain to shoulder alone. My penance for how foolish I’d been in the past.

Jeremiah was my future. The shining beacon I was going to run for when this was all over.

I just needed to survive it first. I didn’t think I’d be able to if I heard Jem’s voice. If I read his concerned words.

His kindness might break me as thoroughly as Lyle’s cruelty. I needed to keep the two separate. This wasn’t Jem’s problem, it was mine. And I’d fall before letting him suffer through it too.

There was another quiet knock. I frowned, wondering why they hadn’t just come in. I gave a weary grunt, my exhaustion not allowing me anything more strenuous.

But when the door opened, it wasn’t a member of Juniper standing there .

“Jesus, Noah.” Micah froze in shock for a second before hurriedly closing the door behind him. “We need to get you out of here.”

“I’m fine,” I said heavily as he rushed over and knelt before me. “I promise, I’m okay. Just exhausted.”

“I should’ve come sooner.” Guilt swam in Micah’s eyes as he checked me over. “I kept asking Juniper, and each time they said you were fine.”

“Because I am.” I summoned up a ghost of a smile. “I’ve survived Lyle putting me through much worse.”

Micah frowned. “Just because you’ve been through it before doesn’t mean you have to go through it again. For fuck’s sake, Noah, you’re not even a member of Juniper now.”

“I’m not, but they’ll always be my family.”

“And you’re my family now too,” Micah said softly. “I’m not leaving you here like this. There’s no way.”

My brow furrowed. “Is the conference over already?”

“It is. Everyone else has packed up and left. I figured you’d be heading back to our rooms, but when you didn’t, I came looking.” He looked around at the trashed room and snoring angel. Devastation joined the guilt on his face. “I really should’ve come sooner. I’m so sorry, Noah.”

“Stop. That’s enough.” I said it firmly, but smiled to show Micah I wasn’t upset. “I knew what I was signing myself up for, and I’d do it all over again if I had to.”

“But why?” Micah asked. “I don’t understand.”