Page 39 of Guarded (Hopeless Blessed #3)

Noah

I shot a quizzical look at Jeremiah. “Yes. Well, technically I was at the only open portal. I didn’t go into Hell itself. Were you?”

His throat bobbed. “Yes. It was the day I was freed.”

Of course it was. He was part of the group freed alongside Nox. How had I not put two and two together?

More importantly, how had we not met? Micah and Nox had. Why not us?

Jem seemed to be thinking along the same lines. “How did we not see each other?”

We stared at each other, forgetting everyone else in the room. Why had fate kept us apart for all those extra months when Nox and Micah had been led right to each other?

“It wasn’t just then, either,” Jem said, horror dawning on his face. “I met the Seraphim the night the crane collapsed, but you weren’t there.”

A yawning pit opened in my stomach. No, I hadn’t been there.

I’d been here with Lyle.

Fuck, I had so many regrets. Starting with the day I’d first shown an interest in Lyle, and leading all the way up to being in this room with him right now.

I blinked away tears as I stared at Jem. “I wish I’d been there. So fucking badly.”

He smiled sadly, swiping away a tear of his own. “It wasn’t our time, sweetheart, and that’s okay. We’ve met now. That’s all that matters.”

“I can explain about Hell,” Dash said, making us both startle. I think we’d both forgotten that we weren’t alone. “Noah was in Juniper then. Lyle found out that we’d ignored orders and followed Atlas into the battle. He pulled us out of there pretty sharpish.”

I winced, remembering what had followed. The whole unit had been bollocked, but Lyle had had a special punishment for me. One that involved him tying me down naked while he listed every flaw on my body. Every way I’d failed him. Every reason why he’d never love me.

Then he’d forced me to watch as he fucked some twink he’d picked up earlier. To listen as he lavished praise on a stranger, the whole time reminding me how worthless I was.

It had been another fracture point in our…well, not our relationship. It was never that. Still, it had been enough. I’d left Juniper and Lyle the next morning.

I’d love to say ‘for good,’ but that would be a lie. Lyle was right. I had gone crawling back in the past—many times, including that one.

But after seeing how he’d treated Micah on the beach? The total disregard he’d had for Atlas, Rowan, and me?

That was the final breaking point. The time I walked away from him, knowing I’d never return.

Now, with Jem, I had a compelling reason to stay strong. Lyle’s vile brand of affection and attention would never satisfy me.

I’d never need it to. I knew better now. I had better .

I had Jem.

Jem’s lips thinned. Behind me, heat flared. From the scent, I knew he’d set Lyle’s body aflame. I frowned. Lyle was at least a minute away from reincarnating. “Why did you do that?”

“Because I don’t like the look in your eyes,” Jem said quietly, letting Lyle burn. “I’m guessing it’s there because of him. If I can’t execute him, I can at least hurt him a little more.”

It was on the tip of my tongue to point out that, being dead, Lyle currently couldn’t feel anything at all. But it was the thought that counted. The intent behind Jeremiah’s actions.

Actions he was taking to avenge me. To protect me.

I hadn’t realised I needed it, and perhaps I didn’t.

But god, did I want it.

“Noah and I will be leaving now that you vamps are here,” Jeremiah continued, not taking his eyes off me. “I trust you’ll be able to manage.”

Atlas cleared his throat. “Actually, Noah, I was wondering if we could discuss how to proceed going forwards.”

The weight that had been lifted by Jeremiah’s arrival returned to my shoulders. Would I never escape Lyle? I just wanted to get out of here, to go back to the Seraphim and my peace of mind.

But that was selfish. I’d left Juniper, but that didn’t mean I needed to abandon them. I straightened my shoulders and prepared to agree.

Before I could answer, Jem turned to face Atlas. “Do you really need Noah?”

Atlas frowned. “What? ”

Jem’s tone was even, but I could feel the heat rising. This time, it wasn’t coming from Lyle’s body, but Jem himself. He might have looked calm, but he was close to losing it. “Is Noah necessary for whatever is going to be discussed?”

From the corner of my eye, I saw Dash ushering the vampires out of the room. That didn’t surprise me—he’d always been the most astute of us.

Atlas shifted uncomfortably. “Well, no, but he’s part of Juniper. He should be?—”

“He’s part of the Seraphim and should be with them,” Jeremiah said hotly.

“If you ask me, Noah has already gone above and beyond for Juniper. I suspect you’re more familiar with the reasons why being here is challenging for him than I am, so let me ask you this: Why the fuck are you asking anything else of him?

You shouldn’t have put him in this position in the first place, and the fact that you’re asking him to prolong it knowing he’s uncomfortable is astounding. ”

I gaped at Jeremiah. He wasn’t done either, glaring at Atlas with his nostrils flared. “Juniper is no longer his responsibility, and nor is Lyle. You are the second, right?”

Atlas turned a shade of red I’d never seen on him before. “Yes, it’s just…Noah, I’m sorry. I figured you’d want a say considering your…history.”

He wasn’t the only one flushing. Mine wasn’t through embarrassment though, but because I’d never had someone stick up for me like this before.

Jeremiah was silent. I realised then what he was doing. He was giving me space to say what I wanted. He’d laid the groundwork for me to be able to leave, but was giving me the choice as to whether I took that step or not.

Instinctively I knew that if I said I did want to stay, he’d have my back. He might not agree with it, but he’d support it.

Fuck, I was falling for him.

I’d had this realisation before, but this time, it didn’t scare me. It excited me.

I took a deep breath. It felt so wrong to put myself first, so instead I pretended I was doing it for Jeremiah. Because it would make him happy.

It was a bit backwards, considering he was just trying to make me happy, but if it made this a little easier then I’d take it.

“I think it’s best if I leave.” I shot Atlas an apologetic smile. “Being here and reuniting with you made this trip worth it, but the rest of it?” I looked back at Lyle and grimaced. “It’s cost me more than I can admit. Lyle’s taken enough from me, and I’m reluctant to give him anything else.”

My voice shook at the end of my confession, and Jem slipped his hand into mine. He squeezed it reassuringly, reminding me that he was there.

“I’m happy to help from afar,” I said, my voice stronger now. “If you need advice or for me to carry out some research. But that’s all I’m prepared to do at this point.”

There. A clear, firm boundary. I’d actually done it.

Don’t get me wrong, I couldn’t have done it without Jem’s support, but I’d been the one to take the final step. To make that choice.

The weight lifted once more. I didn’t think it would return. Not because of Lyle, at least. And fuck, was that a relief.

Atlas smiled as he shook his head slowly.

“I shouldn’t be happy that you’re leaving, but you know what?

I am. I’m proud of you for putting yourself first, Noah.

And I’ m sorry I even asked in the first place.

Jeremiah is right—you’ve done far more than anyone could reasonably expect.

I apologise for putting you in this position. ”

“It’s okay. I’m glad I helped.” Because I was. These past couple of weeks had been brutal, but they’d cleared things in my mind. Now, I knew there was nothing more important than being at Jem’s side. Not our fears. Our pasts didn’t matter either, just our future.

Together.

I t was late by the time we landed on the grass outside the Seraphim compound. Despite being ready to leave, I’d still wanted to say goodbye to each member of Juniper.

I hadn’t had that chance before.

This time, I’d flown away secure in the knowledge that I would see them again. That we’d chat, be friends, and visit each other. It had finally filled the hole in me that had been there since I’d walked out on them.

Despite saying what I had, and meaning it, I’d asked Atlas to update me after the vampires left. Not because I gave a fuck about Lyle, but because I cared about everyone else. Juniper. The Seraphim. Jem.

Myself.

I needed to know if Lyle would return to his previous self.

If he did, there was a chance he’d seek revenge for his downfall.

For me having the audacity to fall for someone else.

Not out of jealousy, but a misplaced sense of ownership.

I wouldn’t put it past him to take it out on Jem, and that was something I wouldn’t allow. No fucking way .

So, I’d asked to be kept updated. Jeremiah might be hell-bent on protecting me, but he was crazy if he didn’t think I’d do the same for him.

I took his hand as we walked in silence towards the house, and as we did so, I put Lyle in the past where he belonged.

This was my home now. My safe space. My family. My future.

Lyle didn’t belong here. He didn’t get to taint any part of my new life.

Especially not anything between myself and Jem.

My mate. The demon who’d discovered I’d stood him up for my ex and, instead of losing it, had seen the truth of the matter.

Who’d seen me struggling and immediately stepped in to help.

Who’d protected me. Who’d looked after me.

Who’d encouraged me to put myself first.

He was right—there was no room between us for anyone else. I wasn’t about to let anyone try to force their way in. Jeremiah was my number one priority now. Our relationship came above everything else.

That should have scared me. I’d prioritised someone else’s feelings over my own before, only to end up burned. That wouldn’t happen with Jeremiah. He’d protect me from the flames with his own. I knew that without a shadow of a doubt.