Page 58 of Guarded (Hopeless Blessed #3)

As I tried to shut his underwear drawer, something snagged, stopping it from closing. Tutting, I rummaged around to figure out what it was. My fingers closed around a hard object.

I pulled it out with a frown. It was a small leather-bound notebook. Huh. Why would Jem have this hidden in his drawer ?

The old Noah, the one who’d believed himself in love with Lyle, he would’ve looked. He wouldn’t have been able to stop himself. The jealousy and temptation would’ve been too much.

I wasn’t him anymore. I trusted Jem more than anyone else. If he had this out of sight, it meant he didn’t want me to see it. I was going to respect that.

Before I could return it though, the bedroom door swung open. Jem strolled in, coming to an abrupt halt when he saw what was in my hand. “Oh, shit.”

“It’s fine,” I said hastily, dropping it into the drawer. “I didn’t open it. It stopped the drawer closing so I pulled it out. I was about to put it back, I swear.”

“Sweetheart, come here.” Jem crossed the room and pulled me into his arms. “You don’t need to feel guilty. I trust you.”

“Blinking bond,” I grumbled. It had taken both of us a while to get used to it. There were times even now when we weren’t sure who was feeling what. “I am sorry though.”

“There’s nothing to be sorry for.” He kissed my temple before stepping back and picking up the notebook. “The only reason I hid this is because…well, it’s embarrassing.”

My interest was piqued, but I didn’t push. “That’s okay. It can go back in there and we can pretend this never happened.”

“I’d like to show you.” Jem smiled shyly. There was a hint of nerves in the bond, but nothing to suggest he didn’t mean it. “Here. Look.”

Shooting him a curious glance, I took the book and perched on the edge of the bed, then I opened it to the first page. Each line contained a short statement beginning with my name.

Noah is beautiful .

Noah fights to protect others.

Noah knows his self-worth.

Noah is sassy.

Noah is a force to be reckoned with.

Noah is selfless.

Noah is a peacekeeper.

Noah uses violence as a last resort.

I glanced up at Jem in confusion. “What is this?”

He smiled, his eyes oddly bright. “That day on the porch, when I moronically thought flowers were a good enough apology?—”

“They were a fine apology.” Okay, I’d been pissed at the time, but I couldn’t stand the idea of Jem beating himself up. Not even about that.

Jem snorted. “They were a piss-poor apology, and you were right to call me out on it. Anyway, that’s not what I was talking about.

You said, ‘We know nothing about each other,’ and you were right.

There I was trying to chase you, and I didn’t know a single thing other than your name and that you were an arch in Seraphim.

That’s when I started making my list. Whenever I learned something new about you, I wrote it down. ”

I thumbed through the pages, my throat thick. There had to be hundreds of entries, thousands maybe, all in Jem’s cramped handwriting. They covered everything from the mundane to the intimate.

Noah sees the best in everyone.

Noah hates aubergines.

Noah’s nipples are sensitive.

“I can’t believe you’ve kept this up,” I whispered, flicking to the last few entries. There was a reference to my favourite bath bomb from Lush; something I knew I’d only told Jem yesterday. “All this time, you’ve kept adding to it.”

Jem smiled down at me tenderly. “It started as a way to catalogue what I knew about you, and in a way, it’s still that. But it’s also a list of things I love about you, Noah. I want to record it all so I can remember it. I don’t want to forget a single thing.”

I carefully closed the book and stroked the cover. I put it on the bed beside me.

Then I threw myself into Jem’s arms. He caught me readily, well used to this behaviour by now. Heck, there was probably an entry about it in his journal.

The journal he kept about me.

“I love you,” I said, hugging him fiercely. “I spent so long not feeling lovable, and you’ve just given me a whole book of reasons why I am.”

Jem stroked my face. “That’s because there’s so much of you to love, Noah. I hate that you ever thought otherwise.”

A sudden memory hit me. Scrambling out of his arms, I strode to my side of the bed and lifted the mattress. Pulling out the rose and note I’d stashed there months ago, I hurried back around to Jem. “Maybe we could put these on one of the blank pages?”

Jem touched the pressed flower, his expression filled with wonder. “You kept one? I figured you would’ve set the whole lot on fire.”

“I did burn most of them,” I confessed. “But I saved this one, and the note. I think part of me was hoping we’d end up here, even when the rest of me wouldn’t believe it. ”

“We’ll include it. I’m going to need a new notebook soon though.” Jem nuzzled my neck, making me shiver. “Many, I suspect, because I’m never going to stop finding new things to love about you.”

Thank you for reading Guarded!