Page 24 of Guarded (Hopeless Blessed #3)

Jeremiah

S omething had shifted between Noah and me.

I wasn’t talking about the dirty pictures or flirty conversations either. No, it was in the frequency of our messages, the snippets of daily life we exchanged, the way I reached for my phone the instant my eyes were open to message him, often to find a message already waiting.

In how he called me Jem.

It was silly to be touched by a simple shortening of my name, but I was.

Down in Hell, none of the others had ever done that.

Quill was the only one with a nickname, and that was more because of all the times he got into trouble.

‘Quill’ was a lot faster to say than ‘Quillian.’ That precious second was often necessary when it came to intervening in time to stop whatever mischief he was up to.

It was another reminder of how much he’d changed since coming topside. He was free, but he seemed more trapped than he ever had downstairs. I’d tried desperately to get him to come travelling with me this month, but nothing had been enough to tempt him.

His increasing weakness wasn’t even enough to persuade him to step outside the front door. Demons had to be exposed to sin on a regular basis to keep them operating at full strength—not an issue when you were in Hell, or even just out amongst humans. They sinned almost as often as they breathed.

I knew that was why Nox and Micah had fucked on the roof again the other week. Lust from an arch as powerful as Micah would be enough to keep Quill going for another few months.

I’d already decided that this next trip would be my last. Quill needed me.

For all the big talk he gave about being fine, it was clear that he wasn’t.

Dahlia and Darius were both at the house for the time being, neither of them appearing to be making headway with their own mates.

Whoever they were. Neither of them were talking.

That was us. A house of stubborn demons who refused to communicate.

A therapist would have a fucking field day.

I’d been tempted to bin off the next leg of my travels, but they’d persuaded me not to. Like Noah, they understood how important my freedom was. How badly I wanted to experience everything I’d missed out on.

It was all great in theory, but I was beginning to suspect that the biggest thing I’d missed out on was back in London. Less than half a mile from my home. Living in a mansion and sending me increasingly more tantalising pictures every day.

I hadn’t known love in Hell. I’d had companionship, friendship, even lust. But never love. I hadn’t known what I was missing.

With Noah though, I was suddenly desperate to find out.

He’d encouraged me not to cancel my trip around the Far East too. Apparently, he had some big conference he had to attend on the behalf of the Seraphim, one that was going to take up a couple of weeks of his time.

While my soul and heart were screaming for me to stay in London, my brain knew it wasn’t logical. Quill was cared for, and Noah wasn’t going to be here himself. And if things went in the direction I was hoping with him, I’d have less opportunity to travel in the near future.

That knowledge didn’t bother me. I wasn’t going to be trapped or tied down.

I was going to be with Noah.

It was very fucking different.

Heat licked over my palms as I made my way to the front door of the Seraphim compound. I’d half expected Noah to meet me when I’d arrived half an hour ago, but he hadn’t.

The door swung open and I couldn’t stop my smile falling. “Oh. It’s you.”

“Good to see you haven’t lost your charm.” Nox winked, biting into an apple. “Here to see Noah?”

“Obviously.” I shoved him playfully in the shoulder as I stepped inside. “Seen enough of your ugly mug to last me a lifetime.”

Micah appeared from one of the numerous doorways, going up and kissing his mate’s cheek. “I think his mug is beautiful.”

“I truly pity you,” I said solemnly. “Living with such poor eyesight must be a heavy burden to bear.”

Another voice joined us. “Jeremiah, you might be new, but I will make you take a walk if you need it.”

I nodded apologetically at Ezekiel’s human mate. “My apologies, Sam. I’m only mucking around. Don’t worry though, I’m fully aware that I likely have many walks with you in my future.”

Sam sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “See, you say that like it’s a good thing, but really you’re just admitting that you don’t know how to behave.”

“None of us do. It’s what makes living here so much fun.” One of the twins had popped up, grinning. I scratched my head. Where the fuck were they all coming from? Had everyone heard the bell and decided to come and investigate?

They felt me cross the wards at the door.

Ah. Yes. Really, I was lucky the whole unit hadn’t appeared to greet me. Time to make my exit before that happened.

My eyes ran over the welcoming committee. “As lovely as it is to see you all, you’re not really who I want to see.”

“You don’t say.” The twin rolled his eyes. “Fucking mates coming out of the woodwork.”

Micah stepped up to the twin and slid his arms around his shoulders. “Yours will turn up soon, Nate. Just you wait and see.”

Nate shoved him away and smiled. Even barely knowing him, I could see how fake it was. “Nah. I’m all good waiting.”

He took off before anyone could say another word. Sam stared after him, worrying at his lip. “I’ll go see if he’s okay.”

My brows drew together. Obviously, there was a story there. Had Nate’s mate run away too? Rejected him? Or was he just impatient to meet them?

“Noah’s upstairs,” Nox said, still munching his way through an apple. The irony of him being a demon and eating an apple in the home of God’s most loyal soldiers was not lost on me. “Told us to send you up.”

“Ouch,” I said lightly. “Guess the romance is dead already.”

He and Micah exchanged a knowing look. “Think you’ll find it’s the opposite, actually. Anyway, it’s up both flights of stairs, second door on the right.”

I nodded at Nox in thanks.

Within a few seconds, I was outside Noah’s door. The racing patter of my heart was so loud that surely everyone could hear it. I didn’t even care. I didn’t care if the whole fucking world knew I was excited to see Noah.

This…strength of feeling was terrifying. Exhilarating. Unlike anything I’d ever experienced before.

But I wasn’t hiding it. I liked Noah, and I didn’t give a fuck who knew it.

I took a steadying breath then knocked on his door.

“Come in.”

Twisting the knob, I took a single step into Noah’s space before coming to an abrupt stop. “Holy Satan.”

“Hi.” Noah wriggled his fingers from his chair. He was sat sideways in it, his legs crossed over one of the arms.

His long, stocking-clad legs.

He tilted his head in amusement, his lilac hair falling over the corset he wore. It was black, like the stockings, the shining material just begging me to explore it. “Are you going to set my furniture on fire, Jem?”

“It’s a real possibility,” I said hoarsely. “I really hope everything is flame retardant.”

Noah got to his feet in one fluid movement, all sinuous grace as he stalked over to greet me. “Don’t worry. You look like a guy who’s used to playing with fire.”

My hands circled his waist before I’d even considered what I was doing. “Sweetheart, you have no idea.”

He chuckled and brushed his lips over my cheek. “Maybe later you can show me.”

“Later?” My mind was a beat behind, too fixated on the fact that Noah’s hands were on my biceps.I fought the urge to flex them. I might let the cheesy comments out, but I didn’t need to give in to all my juvenile impulses.

“Mm-hmm. You’ve got a debt to repay, remember?”

The art. A slow smile curled my lips. “Oh, I remember. I seem to believe there was a dress code requested.”

“Hence why I’m dressed like this. Couldn’t tease you with all my ‘lacy temptations’ and then not bring them out to play.”

Noah pulled out of my arms and moved to the door.

Closing it behind us, he flicked the lock.

The confusion must’ve shown on my face, because he said, “The Seraphim are wonderful. Wonderfully interfering and terribly nosy. They got far too excited when I told them we were having a romantic date in here, and I don’t want us to be interrupted. ”

I caught him by the waist as he went to move past me. “You admit it then. This is a date.”

Noah smirked. “I don’t put this underwear on for just anyone, Jem.”

I backed him up until we crashed into the now-locked door. When I spoke, my voice was dangerously low, my demon close to the surface. “I think you mean you don’t put this on for anyone but me.”

“Someone’s possessive,” Noah murmured, gripping the back of my neck. “You don’t like the idea of someone else seeing me like this?”

“No.” I cupped his throat lightly, letting heat lick my palms. Not enough to hurt him—never that—but enough to show him that I wasn’t in control right now.

My demon was.

And he didn’t want any other fucker within a hundred feet of our mate.

“Don’t worry.” His tongue darted over his lips. “No one other than you has seen me in this, and I have no plans to change that.”

“No one?”

He bit his lip shyly. “I may have bought it for you.”

I groaned, my fingers biting into the corset. “Fuck, Noah. This isn’t what I was expecting tonight.”

“It isn’t?”

“No.” I held his waist tight, like what I said next would remind him of why we shouldn’t get too close. “I know we got…flirty over texts, but I still wasn’t expecting this.”

“Flirty?” His left hand wandered up to where my skin peeked out from under my sleeve. “Is that what we call sending dick pics these days?”

“In my defence, it was the first one I’d ever sent. Any poor etiquette on my part can be blamed on my inexperience.”

A shadow crossed his face. “Probably the only thing that can be.”

I frowned. “What does that mean?”

“Nothing.” Noah chuckled, shaking his head. “Forget I said anything.”

“Nope.” Noah tried to nudge my hand away from his throat, but I held firm. “Tell me what you meant.”

He smiled ruefully. “You’re not going to drop this, are you?”

“Stubborn demon, remember?”

“Fine,” Noah sighed. “It’s just me being stupid though. After our first meeting, I did some digging into you. Into what you’ve been up to since you’ve been topside.”

Balls . I winced as Noah’s comment suddenly made sense . “I can explain?—”

“You don’t need to,” Noah said quickly. “We didn’t know each other then, nor what we were to one another. Even now, we’re not mates and?—”

“You better not finish that sentence how I think you’re going to,” I said warningly, raising my hand to clasp his jaw. “I’ve made my feelings about staying faithful to you very clear, Noah. I don’t give a shit if we’re bonded or not. I won’t be with anyone else.”

“I know.” He rested a hand over my heart. “It’s partly why I figured we should move things to the next step. We don’t have to commit or anything, but we may as well get some fun sex out of this.”

A sour taste filled my mouth. Couldn’t Noah see that this would be more than fun sex?

Regardless of our intentions, we were fated mates.

It was always going to mean more. Sex was the next natural step, but it sounded like Noah wanted it just to get off.

I wasn’t opposed to the idea, but why couldn’t we add some commitment to the discussion too?

He doesn’t know you’re not going to travel after the next trip.

That was true. Before I could tell him, he gently put a finger to my lips.

“I know what you’re going to say,” he whispered, “and I’m not ready. Can we just…take this slowly? One step at a time?”

All my ire faded away. If that was what my mate wanted, we could move at a snail’s pace for all I cared. “Of course. ”

“Good.” The relief was evident in his smile. “I’m serious though. I’m open to more…physical activities if you are.”

I slid my hand around to the small of his back and tugged him against me, letting him feel the evidence of the hard-on I’d been rocking since the second I’d spotted him. “I’m very open to it.”

“Good.”

“Before we get to that though”—I tucked some of his hair behind his ear. —“are you sure it doesn’t bother you that I was a bit of a fuckboi when I came topside? None of it meant anything. To be honest, I was just making the most of my freedom.”

“I get it.” His gaze slid away from mine. “I’m not upset about that, honestly.”

He might not have been upset about that, but something was bothering him. My eyes flicked between his as I tried to figure him out. I wasn’t sure eternity would be long enough to peel back all of his layers. “Then what are you upset about?”

He dropped his forehead against my shoulder with a groan. “It’s so embarrassing.”

“I promise I won’t laugh.”

His breath was hot as he huffed against my neck. “If you do, I’m going to put several very unflattering layers over all the pretty lace.”

“The horror.” I gave a fake shudder. “No laughing. I’ll be on my best behaviour.”

Noah lifted his head, his pale skin flushed. “I was bothered by the fact that you’re so experienced.”

Why would that bother Noah? It didn’t make sense. Unless…

“I’m not a virgin,” he said quickly, his blush turning puce. “I’ve had lots of sex…just all with the same person. ”

So many questions ripped through me, but there were two screaming above all others.

Who is he?

Do you love him?

“He’s not someone you need to worry about.” Noah cupped my face like he could hear the silent questions. “We were over a long time ago. We were never even together. Not really.”

I wanted to ask him more, but his next words sent all thoughts of his previous lover temporarily out the window.

“I love sex, and usually I’m very confident, but…I’m worried I won’t be good enough for you,” he muttered, his chin nearing his chest. “You’re so experienced, and I’m…”

His voice faded away. I kept my grip on his chin and gently forced him to look at me. “Hey.”

I hated the uncertainty in his eyes. It was leagues away from the confident angel I knew. The one who’d sent me cheeky photos and flirted with abandon.

“That’s not something you need to worry about.” My voice was quiet but firm. “Being with you is going to erase the memory of anyone who came before you. It doesn’t matter how much experience either of us does or doesn’t have. In here, it’s just us. Jeremiah and Noah.”

My lips hovered just above his. “There’s no room for anyone else.”