Page 33 of Guarded (Hopeless Blessed #3)

There hadn’t been time to go into all the ins and outs of the situation that first night, and I was too tired to do so now.

I’d told him that Lyle had to be kept alive and that no one else could discover what he was going through, I just hadn’t gone into why.

“I’ll explain later, I promise. All I can say is there are two doctors coming to assess and help Lyle. Once they arrive, I can leave.”

“Does he even need to be held now? The conference is over. There’s only Juniper here.”

I chewed the inside of my cheek as I considered it. I could leave now. Atlas had told me earlier that the vampires were due first thing tomorrow. Juniper could cope with Lyle for twenty-four hours.

Images flashed through my head. The bite of Lyle’s insults. The force of his fists. The random blasts of power that came from nowhere.

No. There was no point subjecting the rest of them to Lyle at his worst. Not when I was already used to taking everything he threw at me.

“I’m going to stay.” I held up a hand to stop Micah arguing with me. “I’ve come this far, it seems daft to leave now. It’s just until tomorrow morning.”

“Fine.” Micah sniffed. “But I’m staying with you.”

I stiffened. “No.”

Micah smirked. “You do know I’m your superior, right? You can’t really tell me ‘no.’”

I rolled my eyes. “I’d believe that if I hadn’t watched the twins mouth off to you every opportunity they got.”

Micah patted my knee. “You’re not alone, Noah. You have Juniper, yes, but you have the Seraphim too. Let me be here for you, please.”

I faltered. Maybe it’d be nice to have Micah here. He was at least as powerful as me. It could be useful having another pair of hands for when Lyle decided to?—

My thoughts were cut off by the male in question sitting up with a groan. His cruel eyes found me immediately. “Got another bloke in here already? I wouldn’t bother if I were you. His hole is so fucking loose at this point, it’s not worth it. He’s just a desperate slut, wanting to be used.”

Micah stiffened as light began to pulse around his hands. “How dare you?—”

The door opened and Atlas’s big form appeared. He noted Micah’s powers immediately. “Everything okay?”

“Outside,” I said, getting to my feet and shoving Micah towards the door. “Now. Please. ”

I didn’t know if it was my words or the desperation in my tone, but Micah listened. I followed him into the hall, closing the door behind us. Atlas couldn’t match my power, but he could cope with Lyle for a few minutes.

“Don’t,” I pleaded as Micah opened his mouth. “I know. Whatever you’re going to say, I already know.”

Micah’s throat bobbed. “You can’t let him speak to you like that.”

“He’s not in his right mind. You saw—he didn’t even know who you were.”

“That doesn’t make it okay, Noah. You need to protect yourself too. Why are you putting up with it now? The council will execute him when they learn of his state. Why not just let that happen?”

I explained the conundrum quickly. About how Lyle had safeguarded his destiny by ensuring Juniper would pay the price.

Micah’s face was like thunder. “Okay…but I don’t understand why you need to be the one guarding him and listening to his bullshit. Did he always talk to you like that?”

I hung my head in shame. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Maybe you need to. Does Jeremiah know about Lyle?”

I shook my head. “I haven’t told him yet. ”

“You should.” He squeezed my shoulder. “Let him be there for you.”

My head snapped up. “I’m not going to hide this from him, but this is my burden to carry. I don’t want Lyle sullying anything between Jeremiah and me.”

Micah smiled sadly. “He won’t sully it unless you allow him to. Besides, this is what your mate is for. To help you carry your baggage when it gets too heavy.”

“When you’re bonded, maybe. But I’m not asking him to help me deal with this. I can’t. I don’t want to.” I took a deep breath. “What’s more, I don’t want you to either, Micah. I appreciate your offer, but I want you to leave.”

“And if I say no?”

“Please.” My gaze dropped to the ground as my cheeks flushed. “What Lyle said in there just now is tame compared to some of it. Don’t humiliate me further by being present to hear it. I couldn’t bear it.”

“Noah, there’s nothing he could say that would change my opinion of you.”

“I know, but it’s hard enough already, Micah. I can cope with what he’s saying, but I absolutely cannot cope with you hearing it. Please don’t ask me to do that.”

Micah’s jaw was tight as he studied me. “Is there nothing I can say to change your mind?”

“No.” I smiled faintly. “Please just go back to Nox. I’ll only be a few hours behind you.”

He groaned, gripping the back of his neck in frustration. “I want to respect your wishes, Noah, but this is going against all of my instincts, both as an arch and as your leader.”

“Then don’t be those things right now,” I said. “Be my friend instead. A friend who understands that I need to go through this alone, and who will help me pick up the pieces afterwards.”

Sorrow flashed across his face. “I can do that. We all can. All of us are here for you.”

“So you’ll leave?”

“Yes.” He heaved a sigh. “But if you’re not back by seven p.m. tomorrow night, I’m coming back. Nox too. It might take both of us, but we’ll drag you out of here and back home where you belong.”

I fell back against the door in relief. “Deal. The vampires are due in the morning and I’m gone the second they arrive. I promise.”

“Good.” Micah held something out to me. My phone, I realised. “In the meantime, maybe you should open up to Jeremiah. If he’s anything like Nox, he’ll be pissed if he finds out you were suffering and hiding it from him. Trust me, I’m speaking from experience.”

I nodded, already moving to power the device on. “I will, I promise. I’m going to do it face to face though. I think it’ll go better that way.”

“So long as you tell him, that’s all that matters.”

Micah bid me goodbye before leaving, but I barely heard him. I was too busy reading the messages Jeremiah had sent me. My stomach hollowed at the anxiety in them. The genuine concern for my well-being. The offers to do whatever I needed, just because he wanted to help.

Me. Jem wanted to be there for me. He talked about firsts, and that was one I hadn’t experienced. Not from a romantic partner, at least.

I read the text asking for a sign of life and tears started to fall. Fuck. I’d thought I was protecting Jeremiah, but I’d caused him so much unnecessary stress as a result.

I kept fucking up, even when I was trying not to .

My thumbs were poised to reply when a new message popped up from him.

Jeremiah

I’m back in London. I still haven’t heard from you, and I can’t sense you close by. Are we on for our date tomorrow?

He was home. I rubbed at my chest as sobs rattled through it. I wished so desperately to be there with him. That was where I should be, not looking after my ex who I hated.

I should be with Jem.

He sent another message before I had a chance to respond.

Jeremiah

We can reschedule if you need more time. I’m not going travelling anymore. I don’t care what you say about it, I’m not leaving you again.

He’s not leaving again.

There was no fear, just an overwhelming rush of relief and gratitude.

My thumbs flew over the phone, sending several messages in quick succession.

Noah

No! Don’t reschedule.

Tomorrow. I want to see you. I need to.

I’m sorry.

Tomorrow is good.

I’ve missed you. I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry, Jem.

Everything has been a mess.

I was repeating myself, but I couldn’t help it. All the emotions I’d kept locked down in front of Lyle were pouring out of me now.

Jeremiah

Are you okay? What’s happened?

Everything. That’s what I wanted to say. But there was no way I could distil it into a message.

Tomorrow. I could tell him everything tomorrow. For now, I just answered the first question.

Noah

No. Yes but no.

I didn’t mean to ghost you, I swear.

Didn’t make much sense, but that was my brain right now.

Jeremiah

Can I do anything? Want me to fly out to wherever you are?

Two things hit me at once. One being the fact that he hadn’t called me out for ghosting him. No, instead he was asking how to help.

What the fuck had I done to deserve Jeremiah?

The second was a visceral, almost choking fear. Jem couldn’t meet Lyle. I didn’t want him within a hundred miles of the fucker and his venom. What would be humiliating for Micah to hear would be a thousand times worse if it was Jeremiah.

I couldn’t stand it. For some reason, Jeremiah looked at me like I was something precious. Something worth loving.

I wasn’t letting Lyle taint that.

Noah

No!

Don’t do that.

I’m fine. I’m going to fly back in the morning.

I’ll see you tomorrow.

Jeremiah

Okay.

Let me know if you change your mind about the date.

I closed my eyes briefly, trying to stem the flow of tears. This uncertainty was what my silence had driven Jeremiah to. No longer could he count on my word. I’d already let Lyle come between us more than I’d ever meant to. No more.

Noah

I won’t. I’ve missed you.

I held my breath as I waited for his reply.

Jeremiah

Missed you so fucking much.

Counting the minutes.

I smiled through my tears as I typed my final reply.

TM, Noah

Me too, Jem.