Page 11 of Guarded (Hopeless Blessed #3)

The heat in the café rose a degree as Jeremiah swept hungry eyes over me. “I doubt there’s a male alive who’d look at you and think that. None that identify as anything other than straight, that is.”

“You’d be surprised,” I muttered bitterly, thinking of Lyle.

“What do you mean by that?”

I gave him a grim smile. “It doesn’t matter.”

Jeremiah might’ve opened up to me, but that didn’t mean I was going to tell him what an idiotic fool I’d been. How I’d chased after a man for centuries knowing he’d never care for me the way I did for him.

God only knew what Jeremiah would think of me then.

“My leaving truly had nothing to do with you.” Jeremiah’s amber eyes were full of sorrow. “It was all on me. I’m sorry that I hurt you, Noah. Even if you weren’t my mate, I wouldn’t have wanted to do that. Believe it or not, I don’t actually enjoy dishing out pain.”

“Never?”

“Well, I am a demon.” Flames flickered briefly around his fingers before vanishing. “If someone deserves the punishment, I have no issues delivering it.” His eyes darkened. “And if someone I cared for was hurt? That kind of pain I’d take immense delight in.”

I shouldn’t have found that as fucking hot as I did. Add in the intensity in his smoulder and it had me wanting to fan myself. Instead, I took another sip of my coffee. The ice had long since melted, but it was more to give myself something to do.

Something to do that wasn’t knocking the table to one side and straddling Jeremiah in the middle of the café.

What was it about him that made me feel this way? Like I was so fucking horny all I could think about was sucking that nipple ring into my mouth. Or finding out how his stubble would feel on the sensitive skin of my inner thighs. His massive hands pinning me to the bed as he…

I shook myself. Seriously, what was going on? Was this because he was my fated mate? Or just because he was that good-looking?

Maybe it’s because he’s staring at you like he’s thinking of how he’d best like to devour you. Or worse, because he’s actually listening to you.

That thought sobered me. It’d lead me down a path I was all too familiar with. One where I fell too fast for someone who wasn’t ready to be mine.

Because if there was one thing I was taking away from this conversation, it was that. I fully understood why Jeremiah had run now .

I didn’t disagree with his reasoning. That wasn’t the problem. No, the problem was that I couldn’t see a way forward for us that didn’t end in resentment. How could I ask Jeremiah to give up his freedom so soon after gaining it?

It was simple. I couldn’t.

“I’m glad we had this conversation,” I said. “It’s helped clear a lot of things up. Thank you.”

His lips twisted in a wry smile. “Let me guess—it doesn’t change anything.”

I shook my head sadly. “How can it, Jeremiah? You’ve got no interest in being mated to a member of the Seraphim, and knowing your reasons why, I don’t blame you. I’d feel the same in your situation.”

Jeremiah’s jaw clenched. “I’m here, aren’t I? Doesn’t that tell you that I’m interested?”

“It tells me that you have this pesky ache in your chest too.” I leaned forwards to lightly tap over his heart. “That you’re having as much difficulty ignoring it as I am. But that doesn’t have to mean anything, Jeremiah.”

“It means we’re mates.”

“And we’ll still be mates in a few years’ time.

” I took a steadying breath. Fuck, why was this so hard?

I barely knew him. They were the right words, but they were threatening to choke me on their way out.

“I’m not saying no, Jeremiah, I’m saying not right now.

I think you need to learn more about what Hell took from you. You deserve it.”

“What about you?” His arms were folded over his chest now, his scrutinising gaze burning into me. “Are you content to just sit around and wait for me?”

I’ve had plenty of practice doing that.

“I am.” I smiled. “It’s not like I’m changing anything. I have a full life with the Seraphim. One I’m very proud of and enjoy immensely. I’m not like some of the others in my unit, desperately waiting for epic love to find me. I’m happy on my own.”

Lies. Such blatant lies.

But they were necessary.

Jeremiah didn’t look convinced, so I pushed on. “Let’s be honest, Jeremiah. If you’d had a choice about when you learned about me, would you have chosen to find out when you did?”

He winced and hesitated.

My tone turned sharp. “Don’t you dare lie to try and protect my feelings.”

His throat bobbed. “No, I wouldn’t have picked then.”

It was the truth I’d already known. The truth I’d demanded.

But it still sliced through me like a knife.

“Exactly.” I kept my voice light. “That’s why this is for the best. If we try and force a connection now, you’ll end up resenting me, and I’ll end up spending my time wondering if you’d rather be somewhere else.”

“But”—He gestured hopelessly. —“we’re fated mates. We’re meant to be together.”

“We’re meant to live the life we want and deserve. For me, that means having someone who loves me for me, not because fate said so.” I lifted my chin. “I won’t compromise on love, Jeremiah, and I don’t think you should either.”

He exhaled slowly. “I understand what you’re saying, I do. But I’m not sure it’s as easy as you’re making it out. I can’t ignore this pull, Noah. I’m not sure I even want to.”

I bit my lip, trying to figure out a way for us to navigate this. A way that wouldn’t lead to any pain or drama. “Well, we were apart for, what, three months? Before the pull became too much, I mean.”

“Ninety-three days,” he said, his voice barely audible. “ Ninety-three days,seven hours, and six minutes. That’s how long it was before I realised I couldn’t stand being away from you any longer.”

“You kept count?”

The irony of the question didn’t escape me. Earlier, Jeremiah had remarked on how I’d been counting down the minutes until I could walk away from him.

Whereas he’d been marking how long we’d been apart.

“Don’t make me wait that long again,” he pleaded, speaking so low it was only thanks to my supe hearing that I could make the words out at all. “I’ll go crazy, Noah. Especially now I know more about you.”

I smiled weakly. “You don’t know that much about me. I think you’ll be fine.”

He nodded solemnly. “I’ve been making a list.”

I flushed, not knowing what to say to that. “How about we agree to meet up once a month? That way, the pull will be satisfied, and we can just get on with our lives.”

“When you say ‘meet up’…” Jeremiah drawled, his gaze lingering on my lips. “Does that mean as friends or…?”

I tugged at the scarf around my neck. Fuck, it was hot in here. “Um, as friends. I think. It’ll stop us getting confused.”

It’d stop me getting confused. If a mating bond wasn’t in our immediate future, I had to guard my heart somehow.

Falling into bed with Jeremiah was a guaranteed way to ensure that didn’t happen.

Jeremiah appeared to find his still-full coffee cup extremely interesting. “Ah. Does that mean you’ll be sleeping with other people in the meantime?”

Was that what he was worried about? Not getting laid?

“We aren’t committed to each other,” I said stiffly.

See, this was why I couldn’t fall for him, not until he was ready to bond with me.

His first thought was about fucking other people.

Just like Lyle . “I’m not going to demand that you stay celibate.

If you want to have sex with other people, then that’s on you. ”

His eyes shot up, blinking in confusion. “I won’t be sleeping with anyone else. Are you fucking kidding me, Noah? I can’t imagine being with anyone other than you. It makes me feel physically sick.”

My ire fell away. “Then why did you?—”

“I asked if you plan on sleeping with anyone. You, Noah. Not me.”

I swallowed hard. “Oh.”

“Oh indeed,” he said heavily. “If I can’t be with you, then I don’t want to be with anyone.”

He was saying everything I wanted to hear, but this wouldn’t work. Not right now. He’d admitted as much himself. “But you’re not ready yet. That’s why this plan is for the best. We’ll meet once a month and get to know each other better.”

“For how long?”

“Until we’re ready,” I said simply, reaching out to touch his hand. “There won’t be anyone else for me either, Jeremiah.”

Relief flashed over his face. “Really?”

“Really.” I chuckled. “Believe it or not, I don’t have a line of suitors vying for my attention. And having met you…”

Mischief sparked in his amber eyes. “Having met me…?”

I sat back in my chair, deliberately giving him a once-over before smirking. “Let’s just say I’m happy to wait.”