Page 6 of Guarded (Hopeless Blessed #3)

My hands shook slightly as I let my mind return there, to the place I dreaded.

I tucked them under the table before anyone could see, but from the way Nox was frowning at me, I wasn’t fast enough.

“I was born in Hell. Up until we made the deal with the mates of Lucifer’s sons that led to our freedom, I hadn’t spent longer than forty-seven hours topside. ”

A ripple of shock went around the table. Micah leaned back in his seat, his arm automatically going around Nox and holding him tight, like he might somehow return there just from hearing my story.

“Jeremiah and Quill had it worse than the rest of us,” Nox said darkly. “They were often kept below while the rest of us were sent to earth.”

“Why?” The question came from Benji. “Why always you two?”

I shrugged. “Someone had to keep the torture chamber running, I guess. Maybe they knew we’d complain the least.”

“Or Lucifer knew that the two of you hated being there the most,” Nox said quietly. “Of all of us, you were the most likely to run if he gave you too much time topside.”

I gritted my teeth. “I wouldn’t have run. I value my life too much.”

Nox tilted his head. “I didn’t say he was right, just offered some insight. It was obvious to us all how much you and Quill hated our lives down there.”

“We all hated it.”

“It’s okay to admit you found it hard.” Nox reached out and squeezed my hand. My eyes widened at the contact. Nox was like my brother, but demonstrative he was not. “I did too, but I had the pull to keep me going. So did Dahlia. But you didn’t.”

I rubbed at my chest, at the ache that had brought me back here today. “Why is that? How could you feel Micah but I couldn’t feel Noah? ”

Micah and Nox exchanged a look before the former answered me. “Possibly because I went into Hell several times over the millennia.”

That could explain it. There was something itching at my brain…a comment Micah had made earlier. “Did you say Noah hasn’t been part of the Seraphim long? Was he part of another unit?”

For some reason, my question had most around the table shifting. Rami was glaring down at his clasped hands while Breann muttered under her breath.

“Yes.” Micah’s voice was clipped. “Noah was part of Juniper before joining the Seraphim.”

What was left unsaid was so much greater than that, but I wasn’t going to push. If there was a story there, I wanted to hear it from Noah.

If I could ever get him to speak to me, that was.

“I think feeling the pull helped keep me sane,” Nox said, smiling briefly at his mate and returning us to the topic at hand. “Well, as sane as I can ever hope to be.”

“So, you and Dahlia had the pull, and Quill and I didn’t.” I was trying to make it all make sense, but the pieces weren’t fitting. “Surely it was more reckless to let the two of you go topside?”

“You’re forgetting that none of us knew what was going on.

Lucifer didn’t know that was what was keeping me and Dahlia sane.

Fuck, we didn’t even realise that what we were feelingwas a mating bond.

But Lucifer did know how much the two of you hated it down there. It’s not like you kept it a secret.”

“What about Darius?”

Nox shrugged. “Who the fuck knows? Dude keeps shit locked up tighter than the ninth circle—including how he really felt about being imprisoned in Hell. ”

I gave a bitter laugh, thinking of our friend. He could make a Buddhist monk who’d taken a vow of silence seem chatty. “True.”

I braced myself, remembering that the rest of the Seraphim were waiting to hear the rest of my stories.

The ugly truths of what I’d been made to do over the years.

The tortures. The ones I’d inflicted. The ones done to me.

Those I’d hurt time and time again, hating every second of it.

The battles I’d fought against my will. How I’d vomited repeatedly after being sent to execute a clan of shifters who’d upset my master.

How I’d cried in Dahlia’s arms after that, bitterly wishing we had a different life.

I let it all rest on my shoulders for a breath. I could do this. I could flay myself open for them. For Noah.

Micah was studying me closely, a small furrow in his brow. Before I could speak, he got to his feet. “Thank you, Jeremiah. I think we’ve all heard enough.”

“Really?” I stared incredulously at the Seraphim. I didn’t understand the empathy on their faces or what had happened to cause it.

“Really,” Micah said softly, squeezing Nox’s shoulder.

“Nox was right. None of us have experienced what you have. It was foolish of us to believe we could understand. We can’t.

What you went through, what Nox went through…

” He shook his head sadly. “We’re lucky.

Lucky we were born angels instead of demons.

Really, the only difference between us is the colour of our wings. Perhaps we all ought to remember that.”

His gaze swept over the assembled angels before coming to rest on me. “You didn’t choose that life any more than we chose ours. I don’t blame you for running, Jeremiah. You’d had your first taste of freedom and you were scared.”

I swallowed hard. “You’re being far kinder and more understanding than I thought you would be.”

A chill entered Micah’s eyes as his smile turned lethal.“We are, but hurt Noah again? Then you’ll see a very different side of us.”