Page 7 of Erik

“So? Does she know?” Closing myself in Remmy’s car, I sat back and handed him his water before popping open the box. What did I tell him? If he knew we were busted, the bug would be deactivated, and I’d never know Natasha’s story. Picking up a slice of pepperoni, I sat back a little and glanced out the window as cars zipped past, kicking up salt dust in their wake.

To anyone looking, Natasha would’ve just been flirting heavily with me, and there was absolutely no way to prove differently. The bug was off, the people around us not paying attention, and any security cameras wouldn’t show anything of note. I had no choice but to play this out.

“No, I don’t think she does.” Glancing at my phone to read the time, I took a bite of my slice before gesturing out the windshield. “I’m off shift in fifteen. You mind dropping me at home?”

“Sure. I’m gonna go back and let the Captain know we’re good. You worry too much, Erik.” Frowning as I swallowed harshly, the pizza was ash in my mouth, and I grabbed a napkin from the cupholder to hide my displeasure. “I bet being a police officer isn’t nearly as exciting as being a SEAL. Granted, there’s a lot more cop shows than SEAL shows.”

“You’d know, wouldn’t you, Remmy. To be honest, I didn’t want to be a cop, but it seemed like the route to go considering my background. I can’t just sit at a desk forever.” My confession earned me a gruff sound, and Remmy snatched the other pepperoni slice with a hard sniff.

“Cops who want to be cops don’t stay cops for long, Erik. In a city like this, everything’s corrupted because of Carlyle Santino. Even our bosses bend under his weight.” Remmy spoke with such disdain, and I knew it was because he’d been passed over for promotions before. Even I knew he had a grudge against the top brass for ignoring him— it was all I heard when I was told he was my partner. On the verge of retirement, he was still basically a meter maid, and hehatedit.

“I doubt that’s true for most officers, Remmy. You’re just a crusty, old bastard.” He grumbled loudly, but I didn’t care to decipher what he said. “Why’d you become a cop, anyway?”

“It was the Eighties, and I was young and stupid.” Man, I just wanted to go home and sleep, and I let the conversation die as my thoughts overran my attention. Working a job I didn’t like was bad enough, but nothing happened in this city. We were close to Connecticut, but too far for the nasty tendrils of Bridgeport and New York City to reach us. I’d signed up for the Academy right after being discharged, and I knew now that that was a hasty, ill-prepared plan to keep me where I was comfortable.

But spying— and badly— on a girl over something we had no proof of didn’t sit well with me. This sinking feeling in my gut that had been growing more intense as the week went out had been justified. Natasha knew about the bug, but more than that— I couldn’t shake the notion that she was personally hurt by what I’d done.

Her face before I left certainly told me that she had more bad days than good. How could someone like that be involved in a world-wide criminal ring, and if she was… what the fuck was I doing trying to stop it? There were agencies dedicated to this kind of thing, and some small-town rookie and an old geezer with no resources couldn’t make a difference.

I’d agreed with this shit because I needed something definitive to quit. I needed a real reason other than just being dissatisfied with how little action I got.

Natasha got dragged in by no fault of her own, all because her sister was dating someone rich and powerful. What if she was just playing with me about killing her mother? What if she had nothing to do with anything, and Carlyle was as clean as money could buy?

“It’s up to you.”The way Natasha said it was almost like a dare, and I set my half-eaten slice in the box to pop open the door.

“I’ll be right back.”

Remmy grunted in acknowledgment, and I headed back into the pizza place. The wind nipped at my cheeks, and the door handle burned my palm before the heat inside blasted me in the face. This winter hadn’t produced a lot of snow, but damn was it cold. Weaving through tables, I headed straight to Natasha’s booth, and her slender brows rose in surprise as she sipped her soda. “Can I speak with you a moment? In private.”

“I’m gonna go . . . somewhere else.” One man slid out of the booth, and the other was quick to follow. Natasha was quiet, staring intently, and I sat down to take a stabilizing breath.

“I don’t want to listen in. I want you to tell me straight. Did that bomb have anything to do with Carlyle?” Posing my question as directly as I could, I clenched my jaw when Natasha barked a hard laugh. Her face reddened, eyes flaring as she set down her cup hard, and soda sloshed over the rim and onto the table. I felt eyes on me, but I didn’t take mine off her as I held my breath, and my heart beat a little faster. Slowly, the color drained from her cheeks, and she gazed back at me with the smallest, saddest smile I’d ever seen.

“No . . . it didn’t. But it’s really nice, you know. Erik, do you know why I was at CVS last week at two a.m. in my pajamas, freaking out?” I silently shook my head, apprehension threading my veins, and Natasha clasped her hands together to rest her chin on her fingers. “I had a nightmare of when I was thirteen, and my mom pimped me out for drugs. So, sorry to disappoint you.”

The heat drained from my entire body as Natasha stood up and left, and I lifted my arm stiffly to rub my jaw and neck.Oh, my fucking God.

7

Natasha

Sitting on my bed, I couldfeelCarlyle entering my apartment like a thick, black cloud stretching out its tendrils to strangle me. If I was lucky, maybe that’s all that would happen, and I wouldn’t have to worry about anything anymore. Valerie would be fine! Everyone would be sad, but they’d get over it with time.

It wasn’t like I was all that important, anyway.

My eyes ached, my cheeks stinging, and my nose clogged, and I laid down on my side to curl up on Erik’s jacket. The door creaked when Carlyle put the slightest pressure on it, and my throat tightened as my heart struggled to beat. He must’ve had Jerry disable the microphone or something because he simply sat on the edge of my bed and started stroking my hair.

“What now?” The croak pained my throat, and I tensed when Carlyle dug his fingers to knead my scalp. A hiccup of breath was all I could manage, and his gaze bored holes into my face before he inhaled steadily in preparation. Apprehension gripped me in a vice, and my lungs screamed for fresh air as their stale contents floated up to lighten my head.

“Nothing. It’s not your fault, Natasha, and I don’t blame you. Jerry caught it quick, and he’s revising security. I had him turn it off for now. No one else needs to hear what I’m going to say.” He spoke so calmly, and tears leaked from my swollen lids as shivers raced up and down my spine. “I’m sure it hurts far more than you deserve. I apologize.”

“Am all I’m good for is being used?” Sniffing harshly, I struggled through another shallow breath, and a hard-throbbing beat against my eyeballs as my voice bounced around in my skull. “Everything . . . everything I did . . . everything I did . . . why . . . why d—”

“I don’t know why, Natasha. I do know one thing, though.” He thumbed the corner of my eye, and I clenched my jaw hard against the tenderness in his tone. Carlyle’s eyes were so, so, sograteful, and he palmed my face to lean down and kiss my forehead. “You’re a wonderful sister, and no matter what happens, no one can get between you and Valerie. Even if it seems like you’re far apart right now, you’ll be together again.”

“I’m tired. I’m so tired. . . ” My voice cracked pathetically, and Carlyle actually winced in the gloom high above my head. “She’s my life, my whole life, an-and I-I can’t e—”

Sputtering hoarsely, I couldn’t hold back my sobs anymore, and I buried my face in this cursed jacket. Carlyle was somber, quiet, his hand threading through my hair as I cried, and powerful contractions assaulted my abdomen. Shivering fiercely under the crushing weight of my loss, my muffled wails filled the otherwise silent room. My brain crawled to a stop as my heart squeezed painfully, and I gasped and wheezed as my episode reached its peak.