Page 37 of Erik
“That’s very generous, Carlyle, but, dude,whyare you here?” For a long moment, Carlyle simply stared, and I met his gaze steadily even as dread began to pool in my gut. He never gave anything away, and Ihatedhow hard he was to read. Finally, he sighed, and the blood drumming in my ears dimmed as he rubbed his jaw roughly.
“My sister killed herself a long time ago. You said something that really hit me, and I can’t not try this time. It’s not much consolation, but all the money in the world can’t bring my sister back. She committed suicide because she was very alone, isolated, and depressed, and no one cared or noticed until after she was gone. You said it yourself, Natasha felt very lonely with the wedge my relationship with her sister had put between them. In a way, I’m responsible for this. I could’ve given Natasha more materials to be prepared, since I did my due diligence on you and knew that her father was your uncle.” I winced noticeably at his confession, but he waved me off with a dismissive flick of his wrist. “It doesn’t matter anymore. It was a long time ago. You have access to her phone, so you can call me when . . .”
The door rattled loudly, like someone body-slammed it, and I whipped around as Natasha beat her palm against the window. She sweated through her gown, and I didn’t hesitate to open the door even though I really wasn’t supposed to. Her monitors were going haywire through the crack, and she fell back onto her ass before I could catch her. Trembling violently, she wheezed for breath, her bright, almost fevered eyes gazing at some distant point beyond the door, and I knelt down to take her hand.
Worry compounded by the stunned silence, Natasha had enough drugs in her to knock out a rhino. She shouldn’t have been able to wake up, let alone get out of bed, and I clenched and released my jaw. Glancing over my shoulder, there was an army of nurses crowded by the door, but none of them wanted to get too close. After all, Natasha had bit some girl’s cheek almost all the way off.
“Is Natalia here?” Croaking hoarsely, Natasha blinked blearily before focusing on me, and I shook my head as anxiety clogged my throat. “Good. That’s good. Yeah.”
Sometimes, I felt so fucking dumb that it drove me insane, and Natasha’s eyes flooded with huge, heavy tears. She managed to stand, by herself, and I wasn’t sure whether grabbing her would set her off or not. My hands itched, and prickles skittered up my arms just under my skin as the tension in the air reached the point of buzzing audibly.
Her face paled, and I didn’t really have a choice when Natasha doubled over to throw up all over my shoes. She hadn’t eaten anything in days, but an impressive amount of bile and water came spewing out of her mouth to splatter on the floor. The sound of her gagging and straining, the feeling of her ribs against my forearm, the stench that wafted up from under her gown— it was sickening in itself, but it was her rasp that really made my stomach churn.
“I feel better now.” Pursing my lips thinly, I glanced over at Theo, and he shuffled through the gaggle of nervous nurses to help me with Natasha. She didn’t tense. I didn’t know if it was because of the massive sedatives she’d been injected with. Hauling her limp body back to the bed, I peeled her greasy hair back from her forehead and cheeks, and she sniffed hard. “I beat them this time.”
“Okay. That’s good, Natasha.” There were so many undertones, so many words she couldn’t force out, and I managed a pathetic smile as she squeezed my hand weakly. “You did good. I’m really proud of you.”
“Damn right.” Blustering a hoarse laugh, I clamped my mouth shut as dazed eyes struggled to focus on mine. Natasha’s expression became grave, and my heart thundered hard against my ribs as she licked her chapped lips heavily. “Erik, will you marry me?”
My jaw unhinged at that, shock bristling over my entire body, and my heart threatened to explode. What the fuck kind of question was that? Wasn’t that my job, and not after five weeks of absolute fuckery? We haven’t even started our cross-country trip— what if she likes trap rap?I won’t listen to trap rap for the rest of my life.
“I know you’ve got balls of steel, but can you just let me take the reins on that? Preferably when you’re not drugged out of your mind.”At least I know you’ll say ‘yes’ if I ask. Which I might. I’ll keep you on your toes.
38
Erik
“So, wait a minute, I don’t understand. Natasha had such an intense delusion that itreplacedparts of her original memory about the kidnapping?” This lady that Carlyle brought in shook her head, and I scowled darkly as I rubbed my jaw in agitation. “I don’t get it. What the hell happened?”
“Essentially, the heart attack she suffered cut blood flow to her brain just long enough to ‘reset’ it, in a way. Think of it like a rubber band too tight around your finger. You unwrap the band fast enough, and everything goes back to normal even though your finger went numb because the nerves were dying. That’s what happened to her brain. Now, ‘replaced’ is a bit of a strong theory considering she still acknowledges the original version of events. The delusions she’s been suffering through the past six and a half days created a restructure of events, like watching a wrestling match with two different outcomes, but the same swings and misses and what-not.” She steepled her fingers as she spoke, her expression becoming more perplexed even as she talked it out, and Ibarelyfollowed. “Her subconscious mind acknowledges that that particular event is killing her, so it did what it considered self-preservation. It’s almost unheard of, but it has happened before.”
“Self-preservation? How is that self-preservation?” An ache beat against the backs of my eyes, and Dr. Laura smiled sympathetically at me as she leaned forward to prop her elbows on her knees.
“It’s honestly kind of a conundrum, Erik. If her delusions were a completely different entity than reality, as delusions usually are, she would never leave this hospital again. However, the only point that I can tell her delusions diverge from reality is her fighting back against her captors. Now, under normal circumstances, that would be enough for inpatient referral, but, again, these aren’t normal circumstances. Natasha acknowledges and has full awareness that in reality, she didn’t fight back. She acknowledges completely that she was ‘dreaming’, as she put it, and that her fighting back is something she made up while in the midst of her break. She’s got a very firm grasp on reality.” My cheek twitched. I got that so far, and Dr. Laura shot me an inquisitive sidelong glance as I rubbed my palms together. “That’s where self-preservation comes in. Natasha’s heart can’t withstand the stress of those emotions, so her brain created an alternative series of events to help ease that stress. Her most recent EKG proves that there’s a slight improvement compared to the one performed seven days ago when she was admitted.”
“Okay, so she’s covering up again, basically.” Dr. Laura nodded, and sourness coated my tongue.Why didn’t you just fucking say that to begin with?“What’s going to happen now?”
“I’m going to do another assessment to determine if she’s mentally stable enough to leave the hospital, and you should be halfway to Nashville by Monday. Of course, Carlyle made it a point to strong-arm the hospital into agreeing that, under my supervision and on the condition that Natasha call me at least once a day, she be released as soon as possible.” My brows rose in surprise. I don’t know why I expected her to hitch a ride with us or something? She smiled, tucking back a thick lock of grey hair, and I tore my eyes off her to stare at the floor. “How about you, Erik? How are you handling all of this?”
“I want it to be over. I know it’s not alongtime, but . . . I’m about ready to get to know the Natasha that’s hiding under the thick crust of shit.” Clasping my hands together, I frowned as my brows drew together sharply, and Dr. Laura nodded out of the corner of my eye. “There’s more in there, and I have a really strong feeling that I’m gonna like it.”
“Isn’t that why we do anything at all, hm? Because we have a feeling. I’m very optimistic about Natasha’s recovery, but you should know, Erik, this is not an all-encompassing cure. It’s a stopgap, nothing more. She needs real treatment and coping mechanisms, and travelling may help, but you’re going to have to see a doctor or counselor at some point.” Jerking my head in a nod, the memory of that brief conversation with Natasha flickered through my mind’s eye. She’d have to find the groups, want to go, make an effort, but I’d support her. Anytime, anywhere, I’d support her.
“Erik.” Glancing up as Natalia came skipping up the hallway, I nodded to the doctor before standing to rub my hands on my jeans. “Is Natasha awake?”
“Not right now, Natalia. Why are you here? Where’s Aunt Kathy?” Natalia shrugged, and I was starting to get seriously worried about the distance she was keeping from both her parents. She and Valentine weren’tcloseclose, but the younger of the two had called me twice this past week to warn me Natalia had taken a cab to the hospital.
And it sure as shit wasn’t to see her father.
“Mom’s here to pick up Dad, but I don’t wanna see him.” Nat was a tall girl for her age, and I clapped a palm on her shoulder with a sigh and slight shake of my head. “Can I go see her? Even if she’s not awake, I wanna make sure she’s okay.”
“Natalia, she’s fine. I promise.”
“Hey.” She obviously wasn’t listening to me, and I arched a brow when she giggled a little, hiding her smile behind her hand. “If you two get married, that means you’ll be my cousin and my brother, and that Natasha is my sister and my cousinandmy in-law.”
“Okay, j-just slow down, Natalia. We’re not getting married, and thinking about that gives me a bad headache.” Holding both her shoulders, I rolled my jaw as I tried to figure out what the fuck to say. I mean, Natalia had every right to be curious, but there was such a thing as too insistent. “When Natasha wakes up,ifshe wants to see you and Aunt Kathy, I’ll let you know. You can’t just show up anymore, Natalia. When was the last time you talked to your mom, huh?”
“Mom doesn’t want to talk. All she does is cry.” In the same way Natasha seemed blank and monotone, so did Natalia, and it was just plain creepy at this point. I never realized how fucking strong Mike’s, or Donald’s, genes were.