Page 36 of Erik

“So . . . what do you want to know?” I regretted the question instantly, and I raked my hand roughly through my mangled bun as my eyes fluttered closed briefly in agitation. “I don’t really know what to tell you, kid.”

“My dad . . . o-ourdad . . . even though he did that, do you think he’s a bad person?”Oh, fuck— fuck— God damnit.Why the Hell did I have to deal with this right in this moment? I should’ve fucking left when I had the opportunity! How was I supposed to know this girl would come running back and pull this shit?Ugh.

“Uh, that’s a good question. I think ‘bad’ is a determinate of your experience with someone. Even if my experience with him was crappy, that doesn’t mean he’s a bad person or that he’s bad for you, just that he’s bad for me. Does that make sense?” She nodded, tucking her hair behind her ear, and my eyelid twitched at the frown on her round face. “It’s a difficult thing to figure out.”

“Did you like horses? Because I hate horses— they’re big and smelly, and I really don’t like them.” Sucking in a deep, loud breath to try to push the discomfort from squeezing my heart, I nodded firmly as faint memories barraged behind my lids when I blinked.

“I did. I really don’t remember a lot, but I remember wanting to have one of my own.”Stereotypical white girl. Except, in Dallas, every apartment you rented came with a complimentary horse trailer.“Why?”

“I told my da—ourdad . . . that I hate horses and that I don’t want to take riding lessons, but he was all like ‘wha-a-at, you love horses’ and I have literally never loved horses.” Coughing a laugh as she swayed her body dramatically backward, I covered my smile with my wine glass, and Natalia pursed her lips thinly. “If my parents get divorced, what’ll happen to me and Valentine and Anna?”

“Well, hopefully you’ll adjust. The truth is, I don’t know what’ll happen, Natalia. As eerie as it is, we’re not the same person. I have no idea what I would do because my parents didn’t get divorced.” Uh-h-h, I was definitely out of shit to spew, and I leaned back a little to lip my wine glass and take a big sip. “My life isn’t a blueprint for yours.”

“My dad—ourdad—"She’s trying way too hard. It’s kinda sad.I mean, in no uncertain terms did I expect this little girl to simply accept that she had siblings twice her age. That her dad wasn’t her dad, and there’d been so many lies that she had to confrontright now. That her parentswillget divorced, and her life will fall apart. “Do you think he’s ashamed of you? Now, I mean, before today, I always thought that he was trying to make me like things I didn’t like because he was ashamed of who I was and wanted me to be more . . . I don’t know . . . different . . . than who I am.”

“Natalia, I think he has a lot of shame and guilt, but I don’t think it has anything to do with you.” A throbbing, sharp ache assaulted my chest, and I reached to rub the spot as she turned to me with big, confused brown eyes. “He probably took it out on you, wanting to fix the things he did and not fail the way he did fourteen years ago. But the thing is, even if he is ashamed of me, I’m not ashamed of me. I went through a lot, but I’m alive. You can ask any of your male family members . . . war changes you, and for us girls, that war usually happens right here.”

Slowly reaching to tap her forehead, I brushed back her soft, soft hair, and Natalia smiled as relief slumped her shoulders. Nodding firmly, I swung my legs over and planted my feet on the ground, but I never got the chance to stand up.

37

Erik

“It’s been a week, Mom.” Glancing through the slit of a window into Natasha’s hospital room, I covered my mouth to hide my snarl as my lip curled back. “Why haven’t they taken her off the sedatives yet?”

“Because she bit the nurse in the face, Erik, you know that.” My mom smiled sympathetically as my chest tightened, and I ran both my hands up over my head to lean heavily against the wall. Worry ate away at me, and I crouched down to rub my face roughly as the last few days raced through my mind’s eye.

“They won’t let me in until they’ve talked to her, but they can’t talk to her. This is worse than when Ben died.” I’d made the mistake of giving Natasha and Natalia some semblance of privacy and not listened into their conversation, and now, I really wish I had been nosy. Natasha blacked out, collapsed right there, and, at first, I thought she had drank too much.

But we got to the hospital and she had arealheart attack. Natasha was twenty-six and had a fucking heart attack.

Whenever the sedatives wore off and she woke up, she fought— she fought so hard, screaming in Spanish. I didn’t even know she knew Spanish.

Placing a comforting hand on my shoulder, my mom sat in the chair next to me, and I scratched my scalp harshly. I had never felt so helpless, so useless, and I blew out a hot breath as the sounds of the hospital hallway filtered into my scope of comprehension.

“No one returned the calls I made from her phone.” Even Illya, who I thought would actually call back, hadn’t bothered, and I inhaled sharply through stinging nostrils. “Her twin sister . . . ”

“You’re here, though. That’s what matters, Erik.” Of course, I didn’t knowwhyno one called back, but semantics, damnit! Natasha had a fucking heart attack, as in her heart almost stopped beating. She could be dead, and my attempt to blast phones was being ignored!

“Erik!” My head snapped up at the deep, booming voice, and surprise nearly ripped my eyebrows off my face. Carlyle— of everyone I fucking called, it had to beCarlylewho showed up. Standing up as he strode toward me, tall and broad and in total command, I sniffed and straightened my shoulders. “What happened? I got here as fast as I could.”

“Where’s Valerie? I called her for two days straight.” He, at least, had the decency to look irritated as he shook his head curtly, and I scowled darkly. “She . . . she had a heart attack after confronting her dad. Her dad is my uncle by marriage, although I doubt it’ll be for much longer. My Aunt Kathy already started the divorce.”

“Right.” Carlyle didn’t seem the least bit surprised, and my eyes narrowed on him as I clenched my jaw hard. “Valerie’s not coming, Erik. She thinks this is a stunt to get her to talk to Natasha, and nothing I say will convince her otherwise. I considered dragging her along, but I wasn’t sure if it’d do more harm than good considering the severity of her breakdown.”

“Whydidyou come, Carlyle?” He cocked his head at me like a snake sizing up its prey, and the hairs on the back of my neck stood up. Meeting my gaze, Carlyle’s lips tilted down, and I could’ve sworn the air grew a few degrees colder.

“Her attending wants to transfer her to a psychiatric inpatient institution. As it so happens, I am very good friends with the medical director of the place, and we had words. He’s convinced, as I am, that Natasha’s current state will not last, and that permanent residency is unneeded. I came here because, well,youdon’t have the resources to force things to happen, and I do. It’s been six days— you understand the significance of that number, Erik.” My eyes widened in realization, and I nodded as a spark of hope lit in my chest, burning hot to force steam through my nose. Carlyle tilted his head back, eyeing me down his nose, but I didn’t care about his looking down on me. “I’m flying in a friend. She should be here in about four hours, and by then, she’ll know most of the situation. Of course, you’ll have to fill in the more recent developments.”

“Erik, hey.” Rounding a corner behind his boss, Theo shouldered his way toward me, and surprise-tickled my sternum. “Illya said to apologize. She’s still in the hospital from when Natasha kicked her in the chest.”

“Ah, is she okay?”

“She’s a tough bitch, she’ll be fine.” He held out his mangled hand for a shake, and I nodded curtly.That’s right. It really hasn’t been that long since we left New York.Time moved strangely, and I tensed before gesturing to my mom standing quietly behind me.

“This is my mom. Mom, this is Theo, and Carlyle.” They did their little greetings, and I rubbed my palms up my face and over my head before speaking up again. “So, what are you two doing here? You couldn’t just call Natasha’s cell and tell me all this?”

“I could’ve. To be honest, it was easier to fly down here myself rather than hope to get you on the phone. Do you know the state of her EKG yet?” Shaking my head, I wasn’t sure whether or not to be surprised when Carlyle looked like he was gonna tell me. “It’s good. There wasn’t much damage. It wasn’t a catastrophic failure, but more like a hiccup. That being said, you don’t have the option to accommodate Natasha anymore. She needs to be treated, which is where my friend comes in. She’s a world-renowned psychologist with decades of experience with survivors.”