Page 28 of Erik

“You buy a lot of wine.” Her eyes narrowed on me, and I smirked slightly as I twisted to shoot her a wink. Natasha flushed pink, and she ducked her head to hide in her lustrous hair— despite ripping some out, it wasn’t very noticeable. “I drank so much in the military. That’s the one thing they teach you, how to develop an iron gut. If you can’t keep up, you’re gonna die of alcohol poisoning.”

“Where’s the craziest place you drank?” The slight tension in the air dissipated, and I inhaled deeply to hold my breath as I thought about that. There’d been so many places, so much beer, but I now limited myself to two beers at a time.

“Ah, I was in Egypt once and got railed at a Pizza Hut in the shadow of the Great Pyramids. That was wild. I think my favorite place that I ever had a beer was in Germany. I was still a Navy sailor at the time, and we were going on tours. We went to the World War Two Memorials in Germany and France and all that. There’s something insane about it— it was like I was sharing a beer with those ghosts. I don’t know how to explain it, like I was connected to so many people who were just like me, soldiers fighting for reasons they didn’t truly comprehend until the last seconds of their lives.” My mouth dried a little, and I licked my lips as somberness gripped my heart in a vice. “Being there was surreal. You see pictures of it, but it’s. . . it was intense.”

Natasha was quiet at that, and I flexed my hands around the wheel as memories floated behind my eyes. Even now, eighty years later, the suffering seeped up from the empty graves, and, at the time, it changed my entire fucking life. I realized suffering wasn’t uniform or unique— everything I went through on the battlefield, someone else had already gone through. No one was unique in the pain they endured, only the way they handled it.

29

Natasha

“You said your parents didn’t make a lot of money, and you had a rough life, right? But you grew up in the same house?” Curiosity couldn’t explain this burning need to know about Erik’s home and childhood, and I leaned forward as he pulled in front of a gas pump. He put the car in park, twisting to release the tension of driving for hours from his spine, and a thoughtful expression drenched his features as he shook his head firmly.

“I wouldn’t say that, exactly. The kid to income ratio was super off. I have four brothers and two sisters. My older sister, Lisa, lives in Hawaii and studies volcanos and stuff, so we never see her. Anyway, I mean, it was really because my mom popped out too many kids, and my dad was the one working.” A soft ‘ah’ escaped me, and Erik popped open his door before I followed suit. Down so far south, the air was warm if a bit nippy, but the sun was still out even though it was nearly four p.m. “Both my parents come from big families, so it’s not something they didn’t know how to cope with, I guess is the best way to explain it. They knew from their own experiences how to get by.”

“Did you want to go into the military?”

“I never considered anything else.” Climbing out of the car, I stretched my arms high above my head, and Erik’s t-shirt covered my shorts almost completely. Flexing my toes in my sneakers, I took a huge breath, and he rolled his shoulders before continuing. “Iwasgoing into the military. There was no doubt about that. Even if I only did my four years and left, it was just going to happen. It wasn’t about wanting to or not. Now, though, thinking back on it, I wish I had done something else after those four years that could’ve benefited me as a civilian.”

“Yeah. They’ll pay for your college, right? You can’t do that?” He shrugged carelessly, and I couldn’t help but smile as he rubbed his head and neck in discomfort at the very idea of it. “College isn’t for everyone.”

“I wouldn’t even know where to begin. I do know that even if I was going to get a job, it wouldn’t be behind a desk. When you went, how’d you like it?” Humming softly as Erik sauntered to the pump, I leaned on the back passenger door to cross my arms. The smell of gas and fried chicken mingled in the air, but I had to work to remember college. All the drama of being without Valerie aside for the first time, collegesucked.

“It was awful, to be honest. Valerie and I had scholarships collected from a survivor charity, but I had so much catch-up to do. I barely passed high school because I had a hard time reading. My teachers fudged my grades to get me the credits I needed to pass, but that was because they believed in my potential, not what I was showing. Even the judge who presided over our family court thing after we were rescued contributed to the fund.” Inhaling deeply through flared nostrils, I stared dazedly at the concrete ledge of the pump’s plinth as my thoughts raced. “He presided over our emancipation. He saw us stand up and signed it before we were even in front of him.”

“Did you ever see him again?” Shaking my head, I lifted my face to the warm sun. We were so far south that sunset wouldn’t come for another hour or so. “It’s always a toss-up with old people. Either they’re amazing, or they’re nasty old hags. There’s not much of an in-between.”

“Yeah. I once had this ancient old lady tell me I was holding up the line at the coffee place because I asked for extra caramel drizzle. She spent ten minutes trying to get the barista to accept her two-year-old coupon.” I couldn’t help but smile now at that scenario, but at the time, it’d been frustrating as all Hell. Erik snorted, and I pushed myself off the side of the car to round the back. “I’m gonna get a snack. Want something?”

“Yeah, a couple granola bars and some water. Thanks.” Wandering my way to the station, I pulled open the door to get blasted with thick, greasy air from the fried chicken place attached. Wandering down the first aisle, I gazed at all of the options, but nothing made my mouth water. Chips, candy, more chips.

“Ugh.” I hadn’t eaten a chip of any kind since I was in college. The stench made my stomach queasy. Turning to the next aisle, I slowed my pace to pause, gazing at the peanuts and cashews and little boxes of Goldfish. Picking one up, I rubbed the milk-carton-shaped cardboard with my thumbs.

“You like Goldfish?” Shaking my head automatically, I turned away from the shelf and a hand landed on my shoulder to stop me. Tensing, I gulped down the sudden tightness in my throat, and that deep voice sounded closer to my ear. “I heard from Jose about you. I’ll get you a couple boxes if you do something for me.”

“They’re my favorite.” My murmur echoed in my ears, and I blinked hard, and I set the box down to such in a shaky breath. “Theywere.”

“Natasha?” Jumping at the soft call, my head whipped up, and Erik cautiously stepped forward. “You alright? You’ve been in here for almost ten minutes.”

“I changed my mind. I don’t want anything.” Erik’s cheek twitched in a slight smile, and my eyes widened when he held out his hands for me. The flatness in my own voice rang in my head, and I cupped my forehead as a raspy, shaky sigh concaved my chest. “Shit.”

“Do you need a minute, sweetheart?” Shaking my head furiously, I inhaled shallowly through trembling lips, and I covered my mouth to hide it. My heart squeezed in my chest, and I wheezed as my vision doubled. “Natasha, look at me, sweetheart.”

Burning. My throat wasburning, and I wrapped my hands around my neck to use my forearms to stop my heart from leaping out of my chest. My lungs were onfire, and they refused to fill even a little bit, even a few of the smallest sacks. Erik’s lips moved, but I couldn’t hear him above the blood roaring in my ears. The shimmering of worry and uncertainty in his eyes was too bright, and I crouched down to cover my head.

A strangled whimpered ground from between my clenched my teeth, and a beat of sweat trailed down my neck. Panting harshly, I rocked back and forth as Erik slowly weaved his fingers between mine. Squeezing my eyes shut tightly, I scrunched up my nose as my nostrils dried to the point of stinging.

“Natasha, just breathe.” Erik’s garble swaggered into my ears leisurely, casually, and my body broke out in goosebumps under his borrowed shirt. “Yeah, it’s alright. It’s alright, sweetheart.”

“Listen, okay, either you take her to the car, or I have to call an ambulance, man. That’s policy. You can’t just sit on the floor in the middle of the aisle.”

“Kid, put the wet floor sign up or something and go away.” My heart throbbed painfully, and I clutched my chest even as my vision went from doubled to plain red and watery. Squeezing and releasing my hands gingerly, Erik murmured over the sound of footfall and grumbles. “It’s okay, Natasha. Breathe.”

Shit, shit,shit!“Erik—” Croaking hoarsely, I leaned forward to rest my forehead on Erik’s hard, tense shoulder, and he cupped the back of my head with a strong palm. Rubbing my scalp gingerly, he sucked his teeth softly, and I focused on the even, stable sound. “It hurts . . . my chest.”

“It’s alright. I’ll get you some water, Natasha.” Falling back onto my butt, I gasped for air, and Erik rushed from my side as the pressure slowly seeped from my ears. Pushing my clammy palms into my eyes, I ground my teeth as I struggled to get my heart to calm down. Cracking my eyes open, I stared blearily at the worn tiles on the floor, but they were a sea of white, indistinguishable from each other. Crouching down next to me, Erik pressed the cold bottle to my cheek and neck, and I slumped a little as frigid ice prickled down my chest in waves.

“You okay? What happened?” My tongue stuck to the roof of my mouth, and I puffed a sharp sigh to inhale deeply through my nose. Uncapping the bottle, Erik held it out for me, and my hands trembled while I took shallow sips. Cold eased the strain on my chest, and I only stopped to pant furiously as my lungs screamed to be filled.