Page 40 of Erik

“Sit. I’ll get you some water and hit the pharmacy. Hey, kid, don’t take your eyes off her, yeah?” Blood drummed in my ears as Erik sat me against the side of a soda cooler, and I craned my neck in an effort to breathe. My lungs set fire, and my heart squeezed painfully as a bead of sweat dripped down my neck.

“Oh-oh.” A dry, humorless huff of a laugh escaped me, and I sniffed even though the air didn’t reach the back of my throat before being sucked out of my mouth. Tears pricked my eyes, and I banged my head against the cooler as frustration only more intensely tightened my chest. “Damnit!”

“Here, sweetheart. It’s alright.” Crouching down in front of me, Erik held a bottle of cold water to my face and neck, and my skin jumped from the sting. Panting hoarsely, I ground my teeth even as he shot me a comforting smile from under his trimmed goatee. “Focus.”

“Totally . . . easy. Y-yeah.” Of course, I’d been warned that my whopping week strapped to a bed wasn’t going to ‘fix’ me, but,man, did it suck knowing for sure.Erik rifled through the bag as I tried to get my pulse under control, and my chest heaved furiously. My scattered brain couldn’t pick up any thoughts, and I closed my eyes to focus.

“Moment of truth, here we go.” Very gingerly cupping my cheek, Erik popped a small pill into my mouth, and the cold against my neck disappeared. My throat flexed dangerously, but he was clam and cool, and I inhaled a shuddering, shallow breath through flared nostrils. “We’ll go to RiteAid from now on if we need something.”

I couldn’t answer even if I wanted to when he tilted to bottle against my quivering lips, and Erik grumbled softly in encouragement. At the hospital, I hadn’t had any episodes, but wasn’t that how it was? All I wanted to do was leave, and I got so fucking lucky it wasn’t even funny. Carlyle was rich and powerful and raised his fist to get what he wanted, and I just so happened to know him. If not, I’d been there for weeks, or more, and . . .

It’s true what they say. Those programs are intended for good, but no one really cares about me as a person. Those doctors care about me as a patient, a statistic, a number on a chat with a million other numbers. I’d be dosed up and shipped off, but not untilafterI had convinced them I was fine even if I wasn’t because who wants to be admitted to the psych ward?

“Your pulse is going down.” Erik’s mumble snapped me from my bitter thoughts, and I cracked open my eyes to find it was a little easier to breathe. Surprise twitched my brows, and he smiled as he held two fingers to my pulse point. “All good?”

“Y-yeah, I think so.” Either the actual medication itself, or the idea of it, or, Hell, maybe I just need to harness this horrendous bitterness I felt about being a Guinea pig! Somehow, something worked, and I reached a trembled, clammy palm to rub my face roughly. The pressure on my chest eased a little, and Erik helped me to my feet to wrap an arm around my shoulders as my panting morphed into shallow rasps.

“It’s okay. I booked us a great reservation at the best place in town. We still have to get the rest of your meds, though this fine lady wouldn’t give them to me because I don’t know your birthday.” Alarm bells rang in my head and I glanced over to find the pharmacist watching us awkwardly. Clearly, she thought Erik was lying when he rushed back and said ‘oh, she’s having a panic attack right in the front of the store’ but . . .

“It’s June Second.” Gulping down the dryness in my mouth, I nodded firmly, and Erik practically beamed at me out of the corner of my eye. “Yeah, okay. I’m okay. Everything’s okay.”

41

Natasha

“You really didn’t have to cook for me, ma’am. I kn—" Carol shot me a mock glare over her bright, wide smile, and I rolled my bottom lip between my teeth as I shuffled awkwardly in my seat. “Carol, I know I’ve caused a lot of hassle, and—"

“Stop that, Natasha. We’re not holding any of that against you. To be honest, all your . . . Mike . . . drama aside, it was honestly a relatively calm day.” She wavered a little, saying his name, and I gnawed on my lower lip as I ducked my head in acceptance. The huge spread on the table was enough to feed an army, and there definitely seemed an army here. All of Carol’s kids sat around me, and her husband. Even Kayla was here, and she even seemedpleasantfrom the outward.

I worried about that woman, but, obviously, everyone was against her on this—thisbeing ratting me out about killing my mother.

“It’s important to get all the family together every once and a while, anyway.” Erik’s dad grabbed a massive bowl of mashed potatoes, and everyone around me sort of lunged at various dishes. Despite the chaos, there was a strange sense of order, and no one took a lot of any one thing. Glancing around at the huge roast dinner Carol had spent all day preparing, my chest tightened, and I reached to rub the spot and gulp down the discomfort in my throat.

I was the only significant other here and I wasn’t stupid— these people were trying to make a point.

“I’m sorry.” All movement stopped at my mumble, and I stared dazedly at the edge of the impressively large, probably custom-made dining table. “I don’t know what else to say, so I’m sorry.”

What was I sorry about? I was sorry for making such a bad first impression. I was sorry that I couldn’t do the things other women could do, and somehow, I’d trapped Erik into being with me. I was sorry for the rift I’d caused in this family, and I was sorry for not knowing how to repair it.

“Okay, I think we got off wrong, here.” Erik’s dad spoke up sternly, and my gaze flickered up as those commanding, brown eyes captured mine in a vice. “If there weren’t things wrong with you, Natasha,thenwe’d worry. Every single person at this table except for Carol has been in the infantry. I was in Vietnam for three years. PTSD is something we know very well, and we know how to handle it very well. We, in this family, do not judge people based on what they did to survive, overseas or at home.”

“You said that Mike, Donald, was only in Witness Protection for a year, right? Which means he was releasedright beforehe met Aunt Kathy. Which means he continued the lie when he shouldn’t have. Which means you’re not responsible for that lie even if you did expose it, Natasha.” Grabbing my hand under the table, Erik’s declaration earned disgruntled approval all around, and I gnawed on my inner cheek hard. “If anyone deserves to be judged negatively, it’s him.”

“I’d kill him.” Jason’s declaration knocked the air from my lungs, and I tore my eyes off their father as he sat back in his chair and crossed his arms. “Just so you know, I’d fucking kill him if I had any right to it. I’ve killed people just because I was told to shoot in that direction. It’d be no skin off my knuckles.”

“Well, it’s not your business, Jason. Kathy is moving back here as soon as she can, and we’re going to help her. She may be stupid, but she’s just as much a victim.” Erik’s father’s tone of finality settled heavily on the table, and a strange sense of weightlessness flooded my chest. Suddenly, it was a little easier to breathe, and I blinked hard a few times as the old man nodded, his turkey neck flapping slightly. “So, Natasha. You really have nothing to be sorry about, but you’re entitled to your feelings. I appreciate your apology.”

“Thank you.” Squeezing Erik’s hand tightly, I nodded and sat up a little straighter, and the old man’s face crinkled when he smiled. “I don’t . . . I don’t want to put too fine a point on my issues.”

“Since there’s been so much revelation, I have a confession to make.” Kayla straightened, her shoulders stiff, and she cleared her throat loudly as the conversation took a sudden turn. “Ben broke up with me.”

I didn’t know exactly why the stunned silence was so damn shocking to me, but Kayla didn’t back down from it, and admiration seeped through the cracks between my ribs. Maybe, they were really good together?

“What the fuck? Why? He was going to propose to you before you left, wasn’t he?” Kayla nodded, her face a picture-perfect portrait of sadness, with her hair in a regulation bun and no makeup on. Despite being sad, she wasn’t confused, and she inhaled through her lips before tilting her head sharply.

“This woman in his office, I think. He said he realized we weren’t in a relationship because how could we be when I’m overseas thirteen months out of the year? He’s got a point. The only thing is, I’m off for six weeks because they’re processing my transition stateside. I applied to be stationed at Norfolk Communications and got accepted. Ben doesn’t know.” My confusion must’ve been clear on my face, and Kayla chuffed with a small smile as she shook her head. “He works for a support contracting firm for the military. So, even if I was home all the time, he wouldn’t be, which is ironic. He travels at least four months out of the year.”

“Oh. Congratulations.” Awkwardness thickened my voice, and she nodded at me in acknowledgment as I licked the roof of my mouth. “If he knew, do you think it’d change his position?”