Page 24 of Erik
A shrill, insistent cry broke me from my reverie, and I jumped as goosebumps pocked my skin. My heart jumped into my throat, and my hand shook when I snatched my phone off the table. A cold sweat broke out on my body, and I pushed myself up to shuffle out of the kitchen and down the hall to my bedroom.
“H-hello?” My voice cracked hard, and I ran my free hand through my hair only for my frigid fingers to get stuck.
“Did you finish packing, Natasha? We’re gonna be shipping out tomorrow morning, and—"
“No, no, it’s not coming out!” Panic rang in my voice and sloshed violently against my ribs, and I wheezed as my lungs filled with fire. Tugging my hand, a shriek burst from my throat when my phone hit the wall with a sickeningthump. Tears pricked my eyes, and my throat closed completely as my knees gave out from under me. I couldn’tbreathe. I couldn’t breathe, and blood drummed in my ears, drowning everything else out.
Small hands, soft, small hands, touched my back, and I whipped around to kick out my feet blindly. The dense lump in my throat dislodged from the scream that built up underneath it, and the hand in my hair only twisted tighter and pulled.
“No, no, no! No!” It hurt— all of me hurt— and my scalp tugged hard as bloodcurdling shrieks rubbed my throat raw. Pressure built behind my eyes, and tears streamed down my face as phantom laughter rang high above the drumming in my ears.
“Don’t!” Prickles assaulted my skin like needles, and my eyes rolled back as the pressure on my skull became even more intense. Shivering as fear gripped my muscles, I curled into a tiny, tight ball even as the tugging on my hair sharpened and jerked. Wheezing bare breaths, my lungs enflamed around my heart, and it beat furiously in a bid to jump out of my chest.
“Illya. Illya, shit. It’s okay. She got you really good, but you’re gonna be okay.” The deep, rough baritone was overly loud but muted, like it was coming through a tunnel, and black spots assaulted my vision.
I couldn’t breathe, and my fingers went numb as the energy seeped from my arms and legs to keep my heart beating. My loose clothes stuck to my skin as sweat dripped down my jaw and chin, and I spasmed lightly from the cramps that assaulted my abdomen.
Staring at the wall, shame drenched my naked body and ran rivers down my face, and I clenched my jaw against the sobs that built in my chest. My teeth ached and my lungs refused to work properly as swirls decorated the wall that weren’t really there. The bed dipped behind me and I stiffened as the fine hairs on my neck stood up. Disgusting fingers caressed my side and over my shoulder, and a very thick Spanish accent tickled my ear.
“It’ll get better, mija.”
And he wasright. It got better. It stopped hurting. It was something as mundane as swinging a bat. It happened, and then it was over. I could definitely do it again, because the sooner I did it, the sooner it’d be over.
Yeah, I could just pretend, like I’d been doing all this time, and everything would be fine again. Everything was fine. I’d done it before, and it worked. All I had to do was . . .
25
Erik
Rage and worry created a volatile cocktail as I beat the elevator on the stairs, and I kicked open Natasha’s apartment door with fire engulfing my heart. People crowded the living room, faceless mannequins that I paid no mind to, and I stormed through it all to the hallway. She was curled up on the floor, mumbling illegibly to herself, her hand tangled tightly in her hair and pulling uselessly.
My heart broke for Natasha, dripping in sweat and totally out of her mind, and I crouched down on stiff knees beside her. Every fucking time she came back here, she had a meltdown, and I couldn’t stand it anymore. My hand trembled as I reached for hers, and she jerked with a pathetic whimper even when my palm covered hers. She was soaked to the bone, freezing cold, and my lips thinned as glazed over, brown eyes met mine.
“Hey, Natasha. What’s wrong, huh?” There wasn’t the faintest spark in her eye that she understood me, and Natasha’s lips moved, but nothing came out. Fighting a grimace, I managed somehow despite the apoplexy searing my veins, and I circled her sweat palm as it spasmed under my fingertips. “It’s okay, just rest.”
Her eyelids fluttered, her wheezes becoming hiccups, but Natasha didn’t release the tension that strafed her spine. She was so tense, and an unbearable sensation shot up my arm to stab my chest. This was, by far, the worst episode yet, and I couldn’t even do anything. I couldn’t touch her anywhere, and she didn’t process anything I said.
Watery, bloodshot eyes met mine, wandered, and repeated as her lips moved mutely, and I struggled to breathe as I waited it out. So much circled in my head. What happened to make her this way? What did someone say or do that triggered this?
Very carefully, very slowly, I untangled Natasha’s hair from around her tightly clenched fist, and a huge clump stuck between her fingers. Gently turning her head, I wasn’t sure whether or not she’d ripped out enough to be noticeable, or whether or not that was a good thing either way.
One thing was obvious to me, though— Natasha couldn’t come back here.
Determination branded my chest, and I waited the worryingly short time it took for Natasha to black out. Her eyes rolled back, whole body sinking into the carpet, and the smell of urine plumed in the air. Seconds ticked by on pins and needles before I stood up, and I rubbed my head and down my neck with both my hands. Licking my teeth, my jaw ached as it immediately clenched hard, and my gaze narrowed as I glanced around.
Shuffling toward the living room, I glanced at the worried faces— worried enough to show up but not enough to try to help. Irritation heated my face, and my eyelid twitched in agitation as I spotted Theo on the sofa.
“What happened?” The sharp edge to my tone, I had never heard it before, and Theo glanced up as my mind belatedly registered the sound of Illya puking her guts out into the garbage can. He watched my warily, and my lip curled in impatience before he opened his mouth.
“I wasn’t paying much attention, but Illya said something about being in an open relationship.” My pupils narrowed into slits as I sucked in a sharp breath, and Theo held up his hands in surrender. His mangled fingers curled, caution and maybe neve nervousness dictating his scarred features, and I clenched my fists tightly by my sides. “Like I said, I wasn’t paying attention.”
“Is she okay?” Speaking up meekly, Valerie drew my gaze, and utter disgust curled my face into a full-blown snarl.
“Why the fuck are you even here? You’re so upset she lied to you, you haven’t talked to her in days. You’re a real piece of shit, you know that?” Red seeped into my vision when Valerie had the audacity to look ashamed, and it took all my strength not to storm over and get in her face. “How dare you? How dare you, after everything she went through to make sure you weren’t fucked up beyond repair, and you ask,‘is she okay’?”
“No wonder she feels so fucking alone.” Brown eyes so closely matching Natasha’s welled with tears at my snap, but I had no mercy— not anymore. Natasha was alone, in the hallway, in the middle of a psychotic break, and they were all huddled in the living room doingnothing!“Get the fuck out! Go be mad that she lied to make you happy. Go feel betrayed about her wanting you to have a good life. Natasha gave you every opportunity and ruined herselffor you, and you have the gall, the fucking temerity to ignore her? This isyourfault, Valerie.”
Even Carlyle was silent, and I wondered briefly beneath the fog of my mind whether he’d tried to persuade Valerie to initiate contact with Natasha. The younger twin broke down at my accusation, but she didn’t move, and I took a few threatening steps forward. Breathing fire through flared nostrils, I shook with the force of my disgust as Valerie stumbled back before making a break for the door.