Page 25 of Erik

Ungrateful bitch. Was Valerie going to ignore Natasha until she could pretend everything was fine? Did she feel so justified being angry about the lies that she ignored the intent behind it? Does she even realize the consequences of Natasha’s sacrifice? Did she think it wouldblow over?

Everything around me was in hyper focus as I glanced into the kitchen. The range was clear of anything, which means Natasha hadn’t cooked while having Illya over. A huge pile of clothes son on the left side of either chair, a smaller pile on the right, and I scratched my jaw roughly. There was no noise except a shrill ringing in my ears as I stalked over to grab the suitcase standing against the wall.

An open relationship. . .

That concept was even worse to hear than Valerie asking such a dumbass question. Disgust coated my tongue, gluing it to the top of my mouth as I ground my teeth down to the gum. Snatching the pile to the right of the chair, I started folding the clothes just to do something, to get rid of this tension zinging through me.

What the fuck kind of suggestion is that? An open relationship! That defeats the whole fucking purpose of wanting to be with Natasha. If I didn’t have hope for us, I wouldn’t have fucking stuck around! Sure, it worked for some people, but not for me.

Why the hell were they talking about sex, anyway?

“What thefuck!” Seething as questions I had no answers to swirled around behind my eyes, I sucked in as big a breath as I could manage, and my sternum popped from the pressure. Methodically picking up, folding, and placing the clothes in the suitcase helped me a little, at least to focus on organizing my thoughts.

We were doing so good. Natasha and I were making progress. I knew it wouldn’t happen overnight, and it wouldn’t be easy for either of us, but progress was progress, no matter how small a step. She fucking put her cheek on my chestof her own volition.That was huge!

“I’m sorry.” The hairs on the back of my neck stood up, and I turned at the weak rasp as Illya lifted her green face from the trash can. “I . . . I didn’t think. I’m sorry.”

“You fucking should be. Congratulations, Illya! You told a rape victim she wasn’t good enough for anormalrelationship!” My voice raised and roughened out of my control, and I scowled darkly. “Jesus Christ, what the fuck is wrong with you people? Who the fuck do you think you are, knowing what you know and trying to give advice? You don’t know shit!”

“And you thinkyoudo? You’re not God’s apology gift, Erik.” Whipping around, I glared hotly at her, and Illya wisely shut the fuck up. She looked like she was gonna pass out, sweaty and pale and queasy-looking, and she still fucking argued with me? About something she didn’t know anything about in the first place?

“What Iknow . . .”Spitting venom, I held myself tall, and Illya rolled her shoulders in defeat, maybe realizing she was fucking wrong. “Is that every fucking time this happens, it happenshere.”

26

Natasha

Frowning darkly at the ceiling, I blinked into the gloom as memories slowly filtered through into my bogged mind. Erik gazed at me steadily, no longer speaking but observing, and I covered my face with my arm.

“What happened next?” My voice rubbed my throat raw, and my chest deflated in a heavy sigh. His bed smelled like him, enveloping me in a security, and for the first time, I had an answer.Right here, I do feel safe.“Did I really pull out my hair?”

“Yeah. You did. It wasn’t enough to make a patch, but it’s a little thin. You sweated through all your clothes, so I had to put you in mine.” His voice deepened, became gravelly, and I peeked out from under my elbow as he clasped and released his hands between his knees. “You don’t have any scars. I was glad when I noticed that. I knew you might be upset about the whole seeing you naked without your consent.”

“Consent. That’s probably as close as I ever got. Acknowledgment that it exists.” I cut Erik off, and sourness coated my dry tongue as it stuck to the roof of my mouth. Rolling onto my side to prop my cheek on my forearm, I gazed at Erik as he hung his head, and he clenched his hands tightly. “You are as close as I ever got.”

“That doesn’t make me very proud. It wasn’t nearly close enough.” His shirt wrapped around me stretched and clung to my torso as I reached for his whitening knuckles. Rough skin and coarse hairs prickled my fingertips, and my eyelids fluttered closed as Erik blustered a sigh. “No one called your cell phone all yesterday and last night. I thought maybe . . . Illya might call. Whatever happened, she looked really bad. What happened to her?”

“I don’t remember.” My mumble made Erik lift his head, and I licked my dry lips as his eyes met mine. His orbs were so bright, it was almost difficult to gaze at them, and I blinked as my mind caught up with the questions swirling in them. “I remember . . . I remember sitting at the table, and she sa-said . . . she said . . . th-tha—“

“No, no, I know what she said. Natasha, sweetheart, no.” Shaking his head, Erik inched forward in his seat slightly, and a certain disgust shimmered in his gaze. Engulfing my hand in both of his, he raised my fingertips up only to pause midway with a slight hitch in his breath. “There’s no way. I’m not interested in that enough to notice more than how nice your hair looks all the time.”

“You’re a good man.” The compliment made Erik’s cheek twitch, and he massaged my fingers absently as my mind puttered along sluggishly. Little snippets flashed behind my eyes when I blinked, but it all cut off into black at no point in particular. “What if you get bored of me?”

“Then I’ll tell you to your face. I’ve failed missions before, Natasha, but they say you fight ten times harder when you had a great cause to fight for.” My heart fluttered when he squeezed my hand firmly but not tightly, and he pursed his lips in determination. For a second, he looked the way he must’ve right before he jumped out of a plane or something— fierce, ready, resolute— almost single-mindedly focused on the objective.

Erik wasnotgoing to give up without fighting for his life, and I . . . I had to fight just as hard.

“I’m not supposed to tell you this, but you’re right, Erik.” Wiggling a little closer, to the very edge of the bed, I sniffled a breath in preparation Erik frowned under tightly knit brows. “Well, about Carlyle. He found my mom, but he also found the guys that hurt us. It wasn’t for me directly. He did it for himself, because he just found out about Valerie, and he was on a crusade to make himself feel better.”

“Natasha, I’m over caring about what shady shit that asshole is involved wi—" Reaching to silence Erik with a thumb on his lips, his goat scruff tickled my palm, and he automatically turned into my touch. The strangest sensation shot up my arm, his clean-shaven face rough but somehow still smooth, like he put lotion on. His goatee was starting to grow unevenly since the last time he’d trimmed it, and I inhaled sharply through flared nostrils as I traced the line down his chin.

“I want you to understand, though . . . Carlyle found them, and I don’t know what happened, but no one ever asked me if I wanted to confront them. I didn’t get the chance, and I know for a fact that I never will. What happened to Valerie, it was awful. Yeah. But . . . but what about me? Why did Carlyle get the hog all the self-righteousness and anger? He never has to answer to anyone, but this had nothing to do with him and he still made it allabouthim. Even Valerie doesn’t know that he had them, so it wasn’t even about her, either. So, I guess . . . you’re right. Things aren’t cut and dry, and there’s a lot of stuff that happens that we don’t like, but we have no control over it.” Licking my dry lips as my whisper morphed into a hoarse rasp, I exhaled a shaky breath as I stroked the longer hairs curving around Erik’s chin. “I don’t know if it’s because, you know, it hasn’t been a long time, but I really feel okay when I’m around you, Erik. To be honest, I don’t know if it’s real, or if it’s even what it’s supposed to be.”

Trailing off as my words got jumbled up as my tongue stuck to the roof of my mouth, I sniffed hard, but Erik seemed to understand. His eyes narrowed on mine, his fingers flexing as he brought mine to his lips to very gently kiss the tips, and I tensed at the almost numbing tingles that rippled down to my palm. Not daring to close my eyes, my heart raced suddenly, and my eyelids fluttered dangerously while he pressed the flat backs of my fingers to his cheek.

“I don’t expect it to be easy, Natasha, but if we get there, we get there, and if we don’t . . . then we don’t. I’m not going to go screw around with someone else. It’d just be easier to jerk off.” Rolling my lips between my teeth, the blood drained from my cheeks at the merementionof that awful fucking idea, and Erik smiled encouragingly. “So, do you want to make some breakfast? Surprise— I went to the store last night and got bacon and eggs and stuff. I know you can do something with it.”

“Is today the day we’re leaving?” Anxiety thrummed faintly in my gut, and Erik nodded as he straightened to arch sharply in the chair. He’d been slumped over this whole time, and the muted pop of his joints peppered my ears as I watched his muscles roil under his skin. He raised his arms to pop his shoulders, shaking his arms when they swung down with a heavy sigh, and I sat up to swipe my hair from my face.