Page 8 of Declan (Gold Team #5)

The room had gone electric and not because we didn’t know Autumn had taken out forty-two men.

Her file outlined her kills and bios on the men she’d put down.

But Tex hadn’t included the number of lives she’s saved.

Though the current pulsing in the room wasn’t coming from the men, it was rolling off Autumn.

“So tell me now, why you think your sister needs to be protected from you?” Thad pushed harder.

Autumn’s body swayed like Thad physically struck her, and an invisible binding I’d been denying for months snapped into place. A feeling deep inside of me that I’d done everything in my power to push aside, a need so overwhelming it refused to be rejected.

“Enough.” The sharp edge in my tone couldn’t be missed, therefore it wasn’t and my friend didn’t look pleased.

“What’s enough? Her…” Thad jabbed an angry finger at Autumn. “Thinking that she’s some sort of monster? Or you—”

“Don’t go there, Thaddeus, and lay off her. She’ll go to Emerson when she’s ready.”

“Right. When she’s ready. You mean if she’s ever ready. And in the meantime, we should all stand around and let her suffer.”

“I’m right fucking here,” Autumn shouted and something painful moved over her features.

But Thad wasn’t ready to give up. The love he had for his wife knew no bounds and he’d push Autumn to the brink, then he’d hound her until she broke down and agreed to meet with her sister.

The issue with that was, Thad would lose.

I knew from experience that Autumn could dig in, and when she did, she was unmovable.

She and I shared that trait so I knew it well.

“You know what? Fuck it,” Thad roared, and everyone in the room froze as his face twisted in agony. “You know where my wife is right now while I’m here, chasing you because you wouldn’t sit the fuck still and wait for us to come up with a plan? She’s at Zane and Ivy’s so Ivy can take care of her.”

“Wait. What?” I stepped forward and Thad put up his hand.

“Don’t come any closer to me.”

“What’s wrong with Emmy?” Kyle asked.

Thad shook his head before his hands went to his hips and he dropped his gaze to the floor.

“I can’t do this right now.” All the spite and anger drained from his tone, leaving only despair and defeat.

What the fuck was going on with Emerson? And if she was sick, then why the hell had he come to Afghanistan?

“What’s wrong with my sister?”

Wrong thing to ask.

“Maybe you should call her and find out.”

All the color bleached from Autumn’s face and Thad stalked from the room.

“Call Zane.” I looked at Brooks. “See what’s going on.”

My gut twisted with indecision. The pain that rolled off of Thad was palpable but Autumn’s anguish wove itself around my heart, leaving me warring with what to do. I couldn’t leave Autumn but Thad needed me.

Thankfully, Max stepped in. “I’ll check on Thad.”

“Autumn?”

Startling green eyes came to mine and that tether pulled so tight it took my breath. An awareness I’d never felt before knotted. A feeling I didn’t want, didn’t deserve, hadn’t ever had wrapped around me until it constricted my lungs.

“Baby?”

The wetness that had gathered spilled over.

Fuck .

Autumn didn’t cry. Not ever.

Her tears were my undoing. I didn’t give a fuck we had an audience, I didn’t care she’d likely have my balls for what I was about to do.

Not a damn thing mattered but having her in my arms. I moved across the room and watched as fear started to creep in.

When I made it to her I didn’t delay scooping her up into my arms. Much to my shock, she didn’t fight me and that’s when I knew Thad had carved her insides out.

In the right state of mind, Autumn would never let me hold her and she certainly wouldn’t loop her arms around my neck and bury her face into my throat.

Fucking, fucking , Christ .

I took us into my room, kicked the door shut, settled on the bed with my back to the wall, and Autumn on my lap.

She burrowed in, pressing her forehead to my throat and I held on tight.

The poison in my gut started to churn, reminding me the stolen moments I had with Autumn were just that—stolen. She wasn’t mine, never would be.

We sat in silence for a long time, long enough for the poison to start to evaporate, long enough for the unwelcomed need to creep in, long enough for me to wonder if she’d fallen asleep.

“Babe?”

“Huh?”

“We need to talk about what just happened.”

“He hates me.”

There was no emotion in those three words. No sadness, no anger, nothing. Just like Autumn—blank.

“He doesn’t. He’s worried about you. They all are.”

We all are.

Not that I’d admit that out loud, especially while she was on my lap curled into me.

“Will you find out what’s wrong with Emmy?” she whispered.

That question was full of pain. The only time there was ever inflection in her voice was when she talked about her sister. Not that I ever asked or we’d ever talked about Emmy, but on the few occasions I’d seen the sisters together, Autumn changed, softened. Even if it was only a fraction.

“Yeah, I will.”

“Thanks.”

“We’re gonna have to figure out a way for all of us to work together. We can’t—”

“I think I should leave.”

Panic boiled to the surface, the strength of it rocked me to my core, and before I could think better of it, my arms tightened around her. Like I could fuse her to me, solder us together so she’d never leave. Never walk away and abandon me.

Fucking hell.

“No,” I denied. “You’re not leaving.”

“Dec—”

“No, Autumn, you’re not taking this on alone. I know you’re perfectly capable, I know you’re smart, I know in the past you’ve worked alone and never missed your target. But this time, you’re not alone. We’re in this together.”

“There’s no we , Declan. You know that’s not what this is.” Autumn’s hand moved to the left side of my chest and she rested her palm over my tattoo .

Pain seared through me as she made her point.

She’d seen the violet inked on my skin, she’d traced it with her finger, she’d placed her lips on it.

And every time, she created a cyclone of torture.

Autumn had never asked because that was not what we had.

We didn’t talk, we didn’t inquire about the past, we didn’t try to fix each other.

We had mind-numbing, fantastic, impersonal sex.

The only kind either of us could take. I knew her limits, I knew why she had them.

Not because she’d told me but because I knew what’d been done to her the two months she was enslaved.

Autumn learned mine quickly, she understood without me telling her.

I didn’t like to be touched—not gently, not caressed, not held on to.

Except I’d allowed her access to the one part of me that no one else had—my daughter. My beautiful Violet. She had no clue what that violet really meant, how when she touched it so sweetly it burned my soul.

My beautiful Violet .

Autumn was absolutely right, there was no we , there never could be. Not after what I’d lost, what I’d failed to protect, and in the years since, the man I became was incapable of giving anything.

“I know what we have. But that doesn’t change anything. You’re not taking on Omni by yourself. And when I say we, I mean the team. We’re taking your back on this, and in return, you’re taking ours.”

Even as I said the words they felt wrong. I wasn’t so sure I knew anything anymore. I couldn’t keep her but the thought of her walking away grated like sandpaper. It shredded what was left of my heart. Tore at what was left of my humanity.

I had no right, but I needed Autumn with a fierceness that scared the fuck out of me.

She was the only one who quieted the storm.