Page 38 of Declan (Gold Team #5)

My heart pounded in my chest, my sweaty hands shook, and I prayed I didn’t drop my gun.

I didn’t need Ash to tell me what she’d done. I knew. But I wanted to hear her say it.

I needed confirmation that the one person I’d trusted was not who I thought she was.

“I didn’t know,” Natasha repeated.

No, not Natasha, Sarah Pollaski.

What the fuck?

“Don’t lie to me. You knew. You lived in that house with him.”

“Amie, I didn’t. I swear it. Did you know your parents worked for him?”

“Shut up.”

Interesting . Ash hadn’t known.

“She’s a victim in all of this. The same as you and me,” I said, trying to get through to her.

“Her father killed my family.”

Ash started to turn and my blood pressure was at an all-time high, the buzzing in my ears grew louder, and my chest hurt .

Actually, it ached.

I knew what the need for revenge tasted like. It had been my driving force over the years. It had controlled me, consumed me.

It felt like shit.

“This isn’t right, Ash, and you know it.”

“Yeah? Do I? She was my friend!” Ash screeched.

Oh, fuck .

“Same as you were my friend and lied to me?”

“I didn’t lie, I just didn’t tell you everything.”

“Right. I see the difference. Here’s the thing—no one’s gonna let you kill her.”

“And who’s gonna stop me?”

“I will. I’ll stop you. This isn’t right, and deep down, you know it. I know you—”

“You don’t know me.”

Shit, that stung .

“I don’t? So everything over the years has been a lie? All bullshit. Is that what you’re telling me? All the stuff you said to me at my dad’s house was a lie?”

“Yes,” she hissed. “There is no Declan out there for me. There’s nothing. And it’s because of this bitch.”

And then in a blink of an eye, my world tilted. Ashaki lifted her gun to point it at Natasha. But before she could take aim, three shots rang out.

Three bullets hit her body.

And my friend Ashaki Maloof crumbled to the cement.

I was numb.

Just numb.

Natasha’s scream barely registered. Owen rushing forward was a blur. Declan talking beside me was muffled.

My gaze slid from my friend to Owen crouched in front of a crying Natasha. His hand shook as he reached for her and she reared back out of his reach.

The small room filled with men, voices floated around me, someone touched my forearm, probably Declan, and put pressure on it, forcing me to lower my weapon.

The weapon I’d fired upon my friend.

Then the gun was pried from my hand and I thought I never wanted to hold another one. I never wanted to feel the stippling in my hands again.

I didn’t want this fucking life.

I didn’t want to smell gunpowder. I didn’t want the coppery scent of blood to fill my nostrils. I didn’t want to see the red pool of liquid.

Too much.

It was all too much.

I’d done too much. I’d seen too much. My heart hurt too much. My soul was too black.

What had I done?

Why had I chosen this life?

Revenge.

Same as Ash had, and now look at her, dead in an ever-growing puddle of her blood.

She’d said she had nothing and I believed her because for years and years I hadn’t, either.

I had vengeance and retribution. The cold truth was, I wasn’t rescuing men, women, and children.

That was a happy byproduct. A side effect to me needing to kill as many traffickers as I could. Murder them.

I was no better than Ash.

“Babe?”

I heard Declan but couldn’t answer because the bile was churning. I knew what happened next. The same thing that happened every time I witnessed this very scene. The same thing that happened every time I’d caused it.

I was going to throw up.

And proving that Declan was too perfect, too observant, too good for the likes of me, he guided me out of the crowded room, not stopping until he had me around the building hidden from the others.

I didn’t take in a cleansing breath. I let the foul taste swirl and mix until I had no choice but to purge it from my stomach.

I leaned forward, Declan’s hand held my bicep, and I heaved. Completely unembarrassed, unable to hide anything from him, and not wanting to. He needed to see what he’d gotten himself into. This was me. Tough talker but weak.

I couldn’t do this anymore.

“I can’t,” I panted between gagging and spitting.

“I got you, baby. Just get it all out.”

I figured he did. He always had me.

“Thanks,” Dec mumbled, and I glanced to my side to find Max standing there with a bottle of water. Face like granite, supremely pissed.

Thankfully, Max didn’t say anything before he stalked off. Oh, yeah, he was pissed off.

“Wash out your mouth.” Declan handed me the uncapped bottle and I swished, swirled, and spit.

Once I was done, Declan picked me up fireman style and carried me to the car. Normally I would’ve struggled to get down, but right then I was grateful to let him take care of me. I also didn’t want to see Ash or Natasha or the guys. I just wanted Declan for as long as he’d give himself to me.

Declan and I sat in the passenger seat of the Suburban. The door was open, I was on his lap, and it was utterly silent until two black SUVs rolled into the parking lot at a high rate of speed followed by a dozen cop cars.

“Do you need—”

“No.” Declan’s terse answer took me by surprise but I said nothing.

In truth, I had nothing to say.

Zane appeared in my line of sight, apprehension clear .

“You good?”

“Fuck no,” Declan replied, and Zane nodded.

“Hurt?”

“Nope.”

“I’ll send someone over to take your statement then take her home.”

With that, Zane walked away and we went back to silence.

I wanted to go back to numb but I couldn’t. Declan was freaking me out but I was too much of a coward to ask what was wrong. I couldn’t face his rejection. I couldn’t bear to think he was having second thoughts. So I remained quiet until a man in a suit came over to take our statements.

During which time, Declan didn’t stand, he didn’t push me off his lap, he didn’t loosen his arms around me.

He just spoke—clear, conscious, deliberate words devoid of emotion.

I followed his lead and answered the detective's questions. At no time did he ask if I had a permit, how I knew Ashaki, or how I happened to be in a vacant building in a hostage situation. When the detective was done, he didn’t tell us to stay in town in case he wanted to follow up, he didn’t give me or Declan his name or business card.

He simply concluded, and with a lift of his chin, sauntered away.

I was too freaked out to care about that, too.

Declan kissed the side of my head, slid off the seat, then turned and placed me in it, belted me, and closed the door.

That was it.

No discussion.

Ten minutes before we got to my house, he pulled out his phone and finally broke the deafening silence.

“Emerson?” There was a pause. “Yeah, it’s Declan. Thad’s good, but I need you to meet me at Autumn’s. You come alone.” There was another pause, then Dec gave her my address and disconnected.

My anxiety had skyrocketed.

“I don’t care if the two of you sit and stare at each other.

You don’t have to say a word to her. But there’s something I need to take care of and I want Emerson with you when I leave.

If you don’t want to see her, go into your room.

But she’ll be standing guard while I’m away.

You try to dodge her, bolt, sneak out or run, I swear on all things holy I will track you down, and when I find you, I’m gonna be pissed as fuck.

I’ll be gone two hours, tops. When I get back, we’ll talk. Until then, I need you to be strong.”

“I won’t run,” I squeaked.

“Good.”

“Emmy doesn’t need to come over.”

Declan pulled off the highway and rolled to a stop at a red light.

“Trust me. You need her there. This is your shot. Be brave, Autumn, and take it because, after today, you might not get another one.”

“What does that mean?”

“We’ll talk when I get back.”

“Dec—”

“Trust. Me. That’s all you gotta do, baby. Trust me to do what’s right for both of us.”

Trust ?

I just shot trus t in the head.

I just killed it.

I wasn’t sure I had it in me to trust anything or anyone ever again. Not fully, not completely, not after what Ash had done.

“The last person I trusted betrayed me, kidnapped a woman, beat her, and tried to kill her. I’m not sure—”

“Do not ever compare me to her,” he thundered, and I would swear on a stack of bibles the windows shook.

Declan continued to breathe heavy which only made my unease grow. With every rise and fall of my chest, the knot grew bigger .

“Right now, Autumn, I need you to think hard, baby, and tell me if I’ve ever done a single thing you couldn’t trust.”

He hadn’t, but still, neither had Ash.

I’d trusted her. I’d told the guys I trusted her with my life and I’d been wrong about her.

“But more than that, Autumn, I want you to hark back and remember what it felt like when you gave me the gift of you, the trust you put in me, the trust I gave you. Think back and remember. No way in hell would you give me you if you didn’t trust me.

I am not her. I’m not withholding a damn thing from you.

I’ve given you all of me, every part. So, now, I need you to continue to give me that so I can give you more.

Trust me to know what you need, what I need. ”

After that, he continued to drive to my house and I did what he asked—I remembered.

He’d given me everything.

He’d given me himself, he’d given me pieces of myself back, he’d given me peace, he’d shown me love and care.

“I trust you,” I muttered as he pulled into my driveway.

My eyes caught on my sister standing on my front porch and my breath seized.

The time had come for me to face my past.

And trust Declan knew what he was doing.