Page 16 of Declan (Gold Team #5)

Never in my life had I wanted to pound the sass out of a woman.

And not with my fists, with my cock. I wanted to fuck the living hell out of Autumn until that attitude fell away.

Until the walls she lived behind were obliterated and she couldn’t rebuild.

I had no right to feel this way, her secrets were hers the way mine were mine.

But in the hours since she’d shut me out I couldn’t stop myself from stewing. There were so many times I had to stop myself from demanding an answer. I wanted to know why she didn’t walk away after she admitted she was tired of living the type of life we led.

I was desperate to know if her reasons were similar to mine.

God knows I wanted nothing more than to go somewhere and retire.

A small town where nothing happened, no one knew me or knew my past. There was an expiration date for men like me, and every passing month, I felt mine coming closer.

There was only so much a body could handle—physical injuries, near-death experiences—before you were done.

However, I kept quiet and so had she .

The only words that we’d spoken were to the team as we moved into place.

Night had fallen and Autumn and I were making the half-mile walk to the compound Strotherby had locked herself in.

The small town was rundown, the house was no better.

A far cry from her penthouse in Manhattan, her summer home in Italy, or the countless other multi-million dollar properties she owned.

Somehow, it was fitting that Madeleine Strotherby would draw her last breath in a filthy house, in a crumbling town, in a war-torn country, after the hell she’d caused.

The misery and despair. All the lives she’d ruined.

Yeah, it was fitting the reigning queen of depravity would die in that shithole of a house.

Autumn’s jerky movements caught my attention and I glanced to the side, taking her in.

Black Salomon boots, black 5-11 tactical pants, long-sleeved black shirt, bulletproof vest, holstered sidearm, AR on a sling but pulled in front of her.

Her hair was tucked under a baseball cap, and if it wasn’t for her slight size, you wouldn’t know she was a woman.

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah.”

“You sure? You—”

“I stumbled on a pothole,” she huffed then snapped straight.

Jesus, what did she think I was going to do, berate her for tripping? It was pitch black and walking with night vision sucked. You had no field of view.

Had I been that big of an asshole to her?

Yes, yes, I had.

“Listen, I’m sorry, I was a dick earlier—”

“Don’t. Let’s get this done.”

“Autumn,” I sighed.

“Seriously. We are who we are. I get it. You get it. There’s nothing to apologize for.”

What the fuck did that mean ?

Before I could ask, Thad came over the radio. “Perimeter is clear.”

“Copy,” Max came back.

“Check. We’re two minutes out,” I told the team, then to Autumn, “Turn your mic on and leave it open for the duration.”

Silence. But she followed my directive.

God, I was beginning to hate the silence. Usually, I found solace in the quiet. But with Autumn I found that silence meant she was in her head, in a place I didn’t imagine was all that happy. She got the same hard look on her face that I did when the memories broke through.

We hadn’t made it another ten steps when Autumn’s left hand came off her rifle and halted me. I scanned the area to see what made her stop and quickly found it. A man crouched low, his back to us, peering around the corner of the stone wall. No doubt looking at Brooks, Kyle, and Max.

Fucking hell . I needed to stop thinking about Autumn and get my goddamn head on straight.

Unable to speak, I gave the guys one long squawk on the radio followed by one quick beep to alert them that they’d been spotted. I got confirmation and held my hand up in a tight fist, and hoped like hell Autumn would follow directions and stay put.

She gave me a quick nod in recognition, and on silent feet, I moved in the man’s direction.

It was a myth Hollywood perpetuated that a sound suppressor silenced gunfire.

It didn’t, it suppressed it. And in the dead of night, with no other noises, a gunshot would bring every fighting-age male out onto the street.

Then women and children would follow. Shooting the man was a last resort.

And besides that, I didn’t shoot men in the back if I could avoid it.

Therefore I needed to subdue him quietly.

Without warning, the man jumped up from his crouch, turned, and came running at me full speed.

No weapons in his hand, I let go of my AR.

The sling it was attached to kept it from hitting the ground.

The man didn’t stop. Like a monkey on crack, he leaped into the air, forcing me to either catch him or allow him to knock me over.

What the fuck ?

I caught the man, twisted, and slammed him down. I heard his breath leave his body as the wind was knocked out of him. My forearm went to his throat and the man’s eyes widened in surprise. What the hell did the asshole think was gonna happen?

Then Autumn was there looking down at me. “Turn him over.”

I glanced up to see her holding out a zip tie. I did as she suggested and took the plastic tie from her hand. By the time I was done with his hands, Autumn had his feet restrained. She further shocked the shit out of me when she patted the man down.

“No weapons.” But she had a flip phone in her hands. “No calls or texts, in or out in the last hour.” She closed the phone and shoved it in her pocket. “What do you wanna do with him?”

Autumn’s hand was reaching for her holstered Sig.

And for the first time since I’d been a Marine, a Force Recon operator, a chill ran down my spine.

Not from fear, not from her question, not from the situation.

It was the dead tone in her voice. Loathing built in my gut and threatened to take over.

I didn’t want this for her. I didn’t ever want to hear the coldness coming from her again.

I wanted her breathing clean and free.

I pulled a roll of duct tape from my thigh pocket, ripped off a piece, and placed it over the man’s mouth.

Without me asking, she went back to his feet, picked them up, and waited until I had his torso off the ground, then shuffled with me to a grouping of cars. Once the man was hidden I straightened and looked at her. Tinged in green from my NVGs, her face was impassive. Expressionless and ice cold.

Fucking, fucking , shit .

My chest burned with anger.

“You’re clear,” Autumn radioed. “We’re coming around now.”

Christ . I wanted to be impressed, but I wasn’t.

I was disgusted she was as good as she was.

I hated that she knew what to do and did it with calmness and efficiency.

I wanted her to freak out, panic, be afraid she was in the middle of an operation that would end in bloodshed and death. But she wasn’t. This wasn’t new to her.

“Ready?” she asked when I hadn’t moved.

“Ready.”

Then we went back to the deafening silence as we made our way to the team.

What the hell would it take to convince her to leave the game? Persuade her to find a little house somewhere and live out the rest of her days in peace and warmth?

I’d give anything to figure it out.