Page 93 of Breadwinner
Nell watched as Sarah drummed her fingers nervously against the door, and they waited in a silence Nell wished were more comfortable. So, she decided to change it. “Kelly is your younger sister, I’m guessing. You’ve got eldest-daughter energy written all over you.” She smiled as Sarah’s shoulders dropped.
Sarah crossed the room and sat on the edge of the bed facing her. “Yup. Kelly is the youngest. Then there is Ryan, Molly, Liam, the twins: Colin and Bridget, Erin, and then me.”
“I’m going to go out on a limb here and guess you’re from a good Irish Catholic family.” Sarah’s smile confirmed her suspicion.
“Good is a strong word, but yes. Born and raised Irish Catholic, though I don’t practice much these days.”
“I know a thing or two about complex family dynamics.”
They shared a knowing smile as the front door slammed shut somewhere in the house beneath them and the last shuffle of footsteps faded.
“I was thinking we could grab some coffee and maybe go for a walk?” Sarah asked sweetly, gauging Nell’s interest.
“That sounds perfect,” she answered, because it was. Spending the day with Sarah was exactly what she wanted to do.
Sarah pulled her Porsche to a stop in front of a brick building covered in sprawling vines beginning to bud. A wooden sign inthe shape of a goat swayed gently in the breeze. The cool March air hit her cheeks as she stepped onto the sidewalk, looking around the tucked-away side street. Mist hung low over the marina, giving everything fuzzy edges, while the steady creak of fishing boats rocking lazily against moorings drifted to them.
Nell slowed next to Sarah, who had stopped just shy of the door to the coffee shop, her face pale.
“What’s wrong?” Nell asked quietly.
Sarah’s eyes stayed fixed on the café windows. “You know what,” she said, slipping her hand into Nell’s and tugging her gently back toward the car. “I think we should go somewhere else.”
As Sarah tugged, Nell stayed rooted to the spot, her eyes following Sarah’s gaze inside to a cluster of people hanging around the counter. Someone must have said something funny, because they were laughing. And then she caught it. The flash of a familiar profile. Jamie. Next to her, Beth and two men she didn’t know. But, judging by Sarah’s response, she must.
“What’s going on?” She tugged Sarah’s arm gently, pulling her back toward her. “You’re suddenly scared to go in there because of them?” She tilted her head toward the building.
Sarah didn’t answer, choosing instead to look down at the ground.
“What aren’t you telling me?”
Sarah glanced back at the window, and that’s when Nell noticed it. A nervousness that wasn’t there before.
“There was this thing at my house with Beth a few weeks ago. A look. It shouldn’t have happened, but it was the thing that finally made it click for me. I’m done spending my time wanting someone who has repeatedly made it clear they don’t want me. I deserve better. So I told her I needed space. She and I haven’t really spoken since, not outside of Lily-related things, and it’s all kind of...”
“Messy?” Nell gave Sarah’s hand a reassuring squeeze. “When did this happen?” she asked, even though she was pretty sure she knew.
“The same day you showed up at my house. Right before we went to dinner.”
Nell remembered it clearly. The way Beth had looked in shock as she had exited Sarah’s house. There had been a moment when Nell stepped out of her car that their eyes had met in the driveway, stopping Beth in her tracks before she fumbled her keys.
“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” she asked softly.
“I wasn’t sure how to tell you. We’ve always talked pretty openly about my feelings for Beth, but when it happened, you and I weren’t speaking, and then the whole allergy situation came up, and, if I’m being honest, I’ve spent the last few weeks trying not to be so angry at myself for letting her have such a hold over me for so long.”
A thread of pride wove its way through Nell’s chest as Sarah spoke. Nell had built her life on boundaries, and now, seeing Sarah claim her own brought a kind of clarity she had always wanted for her—for Sarah to finally claim her power.
Nell looked over Sarah’s shoulder, through the windows, then back at her. “If you really want to go, we can go, but I can’t think of a betterfuck youthan walking right into that shop with your head held high and me on your arm.”
Sarah smiled, gingerly at first, but soon it took over, extending to every part of her. “Isn’t that a little petty?”
Nell shrugged. “Maybe, but who cares?”
Sarah shook her head, that smile still in place.
“You can do this,” Nell murmured, looping her arm through Sarah’s as they approached the building. She pulled the door open for Sarah, adding low enough for only Sarah to hear, “Don’t you dare make yourself small for their comfort.”
She enjoyed the faint blush that immediately crept into Sarah’s complexion, and she’d be lying if she said it didn’t give her a sense of satisfaction—one she didn’t bother to hide.