Page 8 of Breadwinner
She watched her closely as Sarah considered her for a moment. “No,” she said, smiling, taking a bite of the lamb appetizer. “It’s been nicenotto have to make the decisions for a change.”
They continued like that throughout the meal, each testing the other and revealing just enough to keep the balance from tipping too far in either direction.
By the time the final course arrived—a dark chocolate soufflé, rich and unapologetically decadent—the air between them was charged. Sarah pushed her second glass of wine to the side. Sheleaned forward, her eyes narrowing in a way that made Nell feel like she was in her crosshairs, no doubt a skill honed over the years of negotiations Sarah had under her belt.
“Do you ever find it exhausting, Nell?” she asked.
Nell studied her, but she was not quite sure what Sarah was talking about.
“You’ve been nothing short of prepared this whole evening. You’ve done your research on me, and while I can’t say I researched you as extensively, I’m exceptionally good at reading people.” Sarah paused. “You strike me as someone who edits herself in real time—constantly taking in information and tweaking and adjusting your responses, always running calculations.”
Nell blinked once as she reached for her glass, buying herself a second. Not because she didn’t have an answer, but because Sarah’s question had landed more cleanly than she’d expected. Most people missed it—the constant recalibrating she did in her mind. Whenever new information presented itself, she took it in, tweaked, and adjusted her approach as needed. She had spent years perfecting that skill that most people overlooked, but Sarah hadn’t, and more than that, she hadn’t used it as an accusation—she’d just made a statement out of curiosity.
It’s not tiring, Nell wanted to say.It’s discipline. It’s power. It’s security.
“Your read is correct. Editing is a strategy,” she said simply. Sarah wasn’t wrong.
“Don’t you find it tiring having to be constantly on?” Sarah tilted her head ever so slightly, a genuine curiosity, a desire to understand, behind her gaze. That sent a shiver up Nell’s spine. For all the scenarios Nell had run in her mind for how this conversation would go, this had not been one of them. For the first time all night, she hesitated. Tonight, it felt like a little morework than usual. Maybe she didn’t want to always be on all the time.
“I find it... clarifying,” she said steadily. “Don’t you?”
Sarah leaned back, her expression unreadable. “I think I’m still deciding.”
Nell watched her for a long beat. She could see the way Sarah shifted gears mid-thought. She knew that thought pattern well. It was a cousin to her own.
“Did I pass?” Sarah said, as she gently placed her fork on the now empty dessert plate.
Nell didn’t answer her, merely locked eyes and held her gaze firmly for a moment.
“I’m assuming tonight was a test. An interview of sorts,” Sarah added.
“I wouldn’t call it an interview... more like reconnaissance. I prefer not to make decisions until I have fully immersed myself in a subject, but that shouldn’t come as a surprise to you.” Nell’s grin curled across her lips involuntarily.
That was almost the truth. The real truth was that Sarah Gallagher fascinated Nell. She was composed, competent, and hard-edged, all without being cold in the way some high-powered women could be. Nell had watched her work a room as if it were nothing, then turn and soften completely in the presence of her daughter. It wasn’t performative; it was real. It was a masterclass in context switching—graceful, seamless, and exact—Nell admired that. Sarah knew how to bend, and Nell couldn’t help but wonder if Sarah would be the type of woman to bend for her, and in what ways.
“It doesn’t.” Sarah smirked again, her gaze assessing. She didn’t push for more, but Nell found herself wanting to give more anyway.
She hesitated, this time intentionally, silence a powerful tool. The art of withholding was one Nell had mastered early on in herlife. Empty spaces make people more inclined to fill them with things they usually wouldn’t say.
“Don’t mistake my curiosity for indecision,” Nell said finally. “I’m not in the habit of wasting time.”
She caught herself. That had come out snappier, more reactive than she’d intended. But she reeled it back, sipped her water, and reset.Edit as you go.
Across the table, Sarah nodded. “And what exactly are you curious about?”
Another question. Nell was beginning to see the pattern. Sarah asked questions when she didn’t want to reveal anything. A clever but predictable tactic, given her profession.
“How do you carry such a heavy burden?” Nell said softly. “You command a lot of space, Sarah. I like that in a woman, but I’m curious how much of it is armor rather than space you truly want to be taking up.”
That, finally, got a pause. Sarah’s lips parted, but no sound came. Her throat moved as she swallowed.
“I’m also curious,” Nell said, voice steady and sure, “if you are always so ready to accept not having the upper hand?”
Sarah blinked, then—shockingly—laughed. “Is that what I’m doing?”
“You haven’t made a single move to take it all evening. That surprised me.” Her eyes traced Sarah’s features thoughtfully.
“I haven’t yet decided if having the upper hand is worth the energy,” Sarah replied, calm as ever, “and you seem rather committed to keeping it.”