Page 107 of Breadwinner
“Yes,” she answered easily. “She knows everything. Clear and honest communication is rule number one for us.”
Beth’s fingers tapped against her mug as her eyes studied her in that gentle way that was so Beth. “So you two are official, then? You and Nell?”
Sarah inhaled slowly. She had been ready for this question, and she hoped Beth could hear the answer she had for her. “Yes. We are together,” she said simply—no hesitation or qualifiers or labels, simply the truth.
Beth’s fingers paused, curling around her coffee mug before relaxing, resuming their tapping.
“It’s a new thing we’re navigating,” Sarah said, exhaling a laugh, because she knew how messy all this sounded. “Nell and I, we work. She’s my person and I’m hers. She doesn’t ask for more of me than I’m willing to give, and I don’t ask her for moreeither. I don’t feel like I need to prove anything to her or bend over backward to keep the peace. And God, I didn’t realize how much I needed that until I had it.”
She paused, running her finger along the edge of the napkin in her lap, deciding exactly how much to give to Beth. “I also know her. We’re both aware that we don’t see forever in the same way. But what we have now works for both of us.”
Beth’s brow furrowed, curiosity flickering in her eyes. Sarah continued.
“She’s okay with me sharing this with you, but Nell is aromantic. She’s never pretended otherwise, and I love that about her. She’s broadened my understanding of the ways two people can love and support each other. Not everything has to fit in a neat little box for it to be valid.” Her voice softened as she said the last part, a deep appreciation filling her at the thought of Nell.
“I think for so long I was obsessed with the idea of having forever with someone,” Sarah continued, “with the idea of trying to keep everything perfect and permanent.” She looked at Beth directly, holding her gaze. “Nell gives me a lot of space and permission to just be without having to worry about any of that. There’s no pressure. It’s enough that she chooses me today, and I choose her back. And when that changes—ifit changes—I’ll deal with it. For once, I’m not trying to be ten steps ahead. I’m just here, with her.” She let the weight of her honesty hang between them.
Beth took the last bite of her waffle, thinking for a moment as she chewed. “You know, this actually makes sense,” she said. “I can see how that would work for you right now.” Her eyes looked up, meeting Sarah’s with a mix of sadness and relief. “It’s strange to picture you in something where the goal isn’t forever. For as long as we’ve known each other, you’ve always been the girl who wanted the vows, and the mortgage, and the white picket fence.”
Sarah gave her a slight shrug. “I still want that one day, and Nell knows that, but right now, this works for us.”
Beth nodded, absorbing her words, and when she looked up, Sarah couldn’t quite read the thoughts that lived behind her eyes. There was no fight left, just a softness she hadn’t seen in years.
Sarah flagged the waitress down for the check before covering the meal for both of them. “My invitation, my treat,” she said, waving Beth off. As they prepared to part, Sarah hesitated before saying, “I’m having a little get-together tomorrow. Nothing big. Jamie has all the details already. It would mean a lot to me and to Nell if you came.”
The surprise on Beth’s face was hard to miss, but it quickly settled into a warmer look. “Okay, yeah. I’ll be there.”
As they stepped out into the warm August sun, Sarah twisted her wrist, quickly checking the time on the gold watch Nell had given her for her birthday. “Shit, I need to run if I’m going to catch the next ferry.” She turned to look at Beth. “Thanks for meeting me today, and for clearing the air.”
Beth nodded, tucking a loose whisp of blonde hair behind her ear. “Yeah, of course. I’m glad we were able to do this. And thank you for accepting my apology.”
They stood there for a minute, as traffic and the sounds of people going about their lives filled the silence between them. Then, almost instinctively, they each leaned in and hugged. It wasn’t emotional, or tender, or more than a brief moment that was enough to saywe’ve been through hell together, but once again, we made it to the other side.
Sarah stepped back first, and Beth gave her a small smile—one Sarah recognized from years ago. The one that always meantwe’ll figure it out. And, for the first time since that conversation in April, Sarah believed it.
The ferry terminal in Downtown Seattle was busy with people milling about, waiting for the boat. As she stepped off, she scanned the waiting area, looking for Nell. She spotted her, standing off to the side of the room, speaking quickly into her phone. Her breath caught the second she saw her. Only Nell could look that good in a striped button-down with rolled sleeves and cream trousers draped perfectly over her narrow frame. It was infuriating how easily she managed to embody effortlessness. Sarah didn’t care if it was shallow of her; the last few months had only given her a deeper appreciation for just how hot Nell looked in business attire.
As she approached, she caught the tail end of Nell’s conversation. “Thanks again. I feel better knowing this is taken care of.” Nell quickly hung up the phone, eyes sparkling as they met hers. “Hi—” was all she managed to get out before Sarah swooped her up into a kiss, one hand slipping behind the back of her neck, pulling her lips toward hers.
“Hi,” she answered back, breaking the kiss, her own smile stretching wide across her lips, eyes sweeping over Nell’s figure, and only smiling more. “I don’t know how anyone manages to pay attention to you in any of your meetings when you look this damn sexy,” she said affectionately.
Nell gave her that smile of hers—the one she knew was her favorite—the one that unfurled across her lips in the cutest way. “Sarah, you should know by now, I’m very good at making people listen to me.”
“Don’t I know it.” She grinned and took the weekender bag from Nell, slinging it effortlessly over her shoulder, before sliding her free hand into Nell’s as they boarded the ferry returning to the island.
Sarah led them up the green metal stairs to the observation level and found a quiet, tucked-away bench to sit where they could still take in the panoramic views of the CascadeMountains. The weather was too beautiful to be inside. Living in a place where it rained through so much of the year, Sarah had always appreciated the way life seemed to slow down a bit whenever the sun was out on full display.
“How was your meeting? Did you get everything wrapped up with VYSE?” Sarah asked, crossing one leg over the other and draping an arm across the back of the bench.
Nell leaned into her side with a little sigh. “Yeah. Everything is squared away. Breakfast with Beth went okay, I assume?”
Sarah pulled her sunglasses down over her eyes as she hummed her confirmation. “Yup. It was time. I got what I needed from the space, and now we each get on with our lives. You were right.”
“I usually am.”
She caught Nell’s smirk. “I know, and it’s infuriating,” she mused quietly, enjoying the slight weight of Nell leaning up against her. She looked out over the glittering water stretching before them as the Seattle skyline shrank.
Nell gently patted her hand on her thigh. “You didn’t have to come get me, you know.” She smiled as she slid her sunglasses on, covering her eyes. “I could have taken a helicopter, saved you two hours of your precious time.”