Page 56 of Breadwinner

Sarah studied her in the low light. “Is it for you?”

“Always with the questions, Sarah.” Her smile curled on her lips as she thought for a moment. “I wouldn’t say power is addictive to me. Not in the way you might think, at least. It’s not about control for the sake of dominance. I have no interest in dominance. I do, however, have an interest in the power that comes with trust. And knowing that someone is choosing to give me that control? That kind of trust humbles me more than it empowers me.”

Sarah gave her a long, pensive look. “That’s not what I expected you to say.”

“Were you expecting something more arrogant?”

“I don’t know,” Sarah said contemplatively. “I’m still trying to figure you out.”

Silence stretched between them, making her feel strangely vulnerable beneath Sarah’s gaze. She shifted, the duvet rustling gently. “Well,” she said lightly. “I do like to keep you on your toes.”

“You do.” Sarah’s lips twitch, curving into a smile. “Constantly.”

Another silence. Then . . .

“What are we?” Nell blurted out suddenly, the words catching her off guard.

“What do you mean?” Sarah asked.

“I mean... you called me ‘your most interesting acquaintance’ earlier.”

“Did I?” Sarah said, with a bemused look.

“You did,” Nell said. “Is that all you think we are?”

Sarah propped her head on one hand as she looked at her, and she suddenly felt nervous to hear her honest answer. “I didn’t know if I was allowed to feel any differently,” she answered hesitantly.

“I don’t control how you feel.” Nell’s voice dropped lower into that slightly commanding tenor she knew Sarah responded to. She couldn’t help herself. “But tell me, what do you think we are?”

Sarah’s gaze drifted to the fireplace before landing back on her. “I’d like to think we’re at least friends.”

“Friends?” she repeated, surprised. It had been so long since she had a friend.

Sarah’s mouth twitched in delight at her confusion. “Yes, Nell. Friends. It’s not that complicated. Aside from the arrangement, we talk regularly and enjoy spending time together. We share things about our lives. You let me in. And I’ve let you in, too. I think that qualifies as friendship. Don’t you?”

Nell nodded slowly. “It’s been a long time since I made a new friend.”

“Same,” Sarah said, her voice quieting. “I forgot how nice it feels.”

Both went quiet again.

“I think I needed a friend more than I realized,” Sarah added, after a moment. “Especially one who doesn’t expect me to be anything I’m not.”

“You don’t ever have to perform with me, well, you know, unless I tell you to.” Nell smirked as Sarah swatted at her playfully.

“I know,” Sarah said. “That’s why I’m here. In your bed. Talking about power and feelings and other terrifyingly vulnerable shit.”

That made her laugh. “I should warn you, I’m a terrible friend. I’m actually terrible at most relationships,” she admitted.

“You say that like it’s a fact when it really sounds like an opinion.”

“It feels like a fact,” she said, sitting up a little more.

Sarah shifted beside her, criss-crossing her legs, looking at her with eyes that implored her for more.

“I was engaged once.”

Nell could see the surprise on Sarah’s expression hidden in the subtle lift of her eyebrows.