Page 78 of Breadwinner
“Very much so,” Nell purred, and she spotted the faint blush that rose in Sarah’s cheeks as she turned toward the fire, concealing her pleased smile in a sip of hot chocolate.
Their hands were close enough that Nell could have easily brushed her fingers against Sarah’s. Now would have been the right moment.It’s probably what she expects you to do.Her fingers twitched before stilling as Nell decided not to make the move, instead pulling her hand away from Sarah.
They sipped their drinks as their bodies thawed, the roar of the fire crackling beside them. Heavy snow began to fall beyond the towering lodge windows.
Sarah turned toward her suddenly, guilt mixed with the reflection of the fire flickering in her eyes. “I’m sorry for being so checked-out yesterday. That wasn’t fair to you.”
“It’s fine,” Nell said, trying to convince herself that it had been. “Really. Your work is important. I, more than anyone, understand the importance of needing to work odd hours.”
Sarah shook her head. “But this was your weekend. You put effort into planning all of this, and I ate up so much of our time last night on the computer, away from you.”
“To be honest...” Nell shifted, crossing one long leg over the other. “I’m kind of glad you had work yesterday. It distracted you from the terrible mood I was in.”
Sarah cocked her head, looking at her with curiosity. Maybe her bad mood hadn’t been as apparent as it felt to her.
“I spent most of yesterday thoroughly annoyed at everything because it wasn’t going exactly to plan. First, there was the plane, followed by the traffic, and then missing our dinner reservation. I’m the one who should be apologizing.”
“How about this?” Sarah picked up her hot chocolate, encouraging her to do the same. “Let’s cheers to our respective shitty days yesterday and put it behind us. We still have the rest of the weekend to look forward to and enjoy together.”
Nell smiled, almost laughing. It was absurd, the idea of cheers-ing to a bad day. But when Sarah said it, it didn’t sound silly. It sounded like exactly what she needed.
“Cheers, I guess,” she said, bumping her cup against Sarah’s.
“Cheers to an amazing weekend, with amazing company.”
Nell felt her cheeks go red under the weight of Sarah’s compliment.
“Did you get everything sorted out, then, with work?” Nell stammered, trying to nudge the conversation away from dangerous territory.
Sarah’s smile faded slightly, in a way only noticeable to Nell. She watched as Sarah swirled the remaining liquid in her cup. “Kind of. Technically, yes, but... I don’t know. I’m not sure I care anymore,” Sarah let out in one long breath, “about the firm or the work or any of it. I’m not sure I’ve cared for a while now.”
Sarah’s dissatisfaction with work was new information to Nell, and not what she had been anticipating.
“I’ve been thinking about taking some time off,” Sarah continued. “Not too long. Just long enough to figure some things out.”
She leaned back, eyeing Sarah for signs of uncertainty but finding none. “That’s a big deal.”
“I know. But I need to do something different for a while. Something that makes me feel like I’m making a positive impact on the world, not contributing to the early downfall of humanity, you know?” Sarah looked at her with those questioning eyes.
Nell stilled. “Do you want advice,” she asked, after a moment, “or to be heard?”
Sarah glanced at her, surprised by the question. “Advice, please.”
Nell smiled, a little, partly because she liked that Sarah wanted advice from her and trusted her in that way, and partly because she had been right from the very beginning about Sarah and her having ambitions that extended beyond the courtroom. Nell could work with that.
“Take the time off to figure out what’s next, guilt-free. Give yourself permission to want something more.”
Sarah made to respond as two women brushed past them, the clunk of their ski boots heavy on the slate floors. One was complaining loudly to the other: “Can you believe the lifts are closing early? All because a little storm is rolling in.”
She followed Sarah’s gaze to the window, where the sky had darkened to a heavy gray.
“There goes the rest of our ski day,” Nell muttered, her optimism from earlier quickly disappearing.
Sarah looked back at her with bright eyes and a smile so soft that Nell couldn’t help but reciprocate. “I can’t think of anyone I’d want to be snowed in with more than you.”
Nell’s heart did a traitorous little dance in her chest, and she stiffened, unfamiliar with the feeling, which she was currently masking in an unrushed sip of hot chocolate.
Back at the chalet that evening, the storm raged on beyond the windows, having turned into a full-blown whiteout by the time Sarah had found a cribbage board tucked away in one of the upstairs bedroom drawers. Nell laughed as Sarah descended the stairs triumphantly, game held over her head like she’d found buried treasure.