Page 9 of After the Siren

Shit. ‘That’s ... don’t do that.’ Theo felt like his heart was in the back of his throat. Some part of him was screaming at him to shut his mouth. That he’d radically, irreparably misjudged the situation. ‘Stop fucking around.’

‘What, need me to suck your dick to prove it?’ Cunningham’s voice was different, too. Clipped and a little mean.

Cunningham was furious , Theo realised. He felt a bit nauseated. Was Cunningham actually —

‘Um, no?’ he said. Why the fuck had that come out like a question. ‘I mean ...’

He had no idea what he meant.

Cunningham turned and opened the door enough to stick his head out. ‘Paddy!’

Theo heard a door open and then Paddy’s voice in the corridor. ‘Yeah?’

‘Come in and shut the door,’ Cunningham said, stepping back to let Paddy in.

Paddy put his back against the closed door. His eyes flicked between them, then narrowed. ‘What’s up?’

‘Tell Bestavros I’ve sucked a dick.’

Paddy blinked. To his credit, his voice stayed neutral as he answered. ‘He’s definitely sucked a dick.’ Paddy paused. ‘Not mine, if that’s relevant.’ He looked at Theo, then back at Cunningham. ‘Everything okay?’

‘Yeah,’ Cunningham said. ‘I just needed some help convincing Bestavros that I’m gay.’

‘Sucking a dick doesn’t necessarily make you gay,’ Paddy pointed out. ‘For example, I —’

Cunningham cut him off. ‘Yeah, I know. And thanks.’

Paddy nodded once. ‘Cool. I’m going to leave you to ... whatever this is.’ He waved a hand between them.

Then he looked at Cunningham, and his face softened. He reached for Cunningham’s forearm, wrapping his fingers around Cunningham’s wrist.

‘You good?’ he asked. The concern in his tone made guilt blossom under Theo’s breastbone, unexpected and unwelcome. He’d really fucked this up.

‘I’m good,’ Cunningham said.

Paddy looked at Theo once more before he left, his gaze measuring. ‘I hope so.’ He closed the door behind him.

Cunningham was still looking at Theo, his chin slightly raised. He didn’t look angry, now. He looked like he was waiting for Theo’s next move.

‘You’re gay.’ Theo said.

‘Yeah.’

And now would be the time to apologise. ‘I didn’t realise,’ he said instead.

‘No shit.’ Cunningham pushed himself off the wall. ‘This has been a great chat, but I’m gonna go.’ His voice hardened again. ‘Don’t run your mouth about it. I’m not out to everyone.’

Theo bristled, the guilt receding. ‘Is that a threat?’ Was Cunningham really going to go mutually assured destruction on this?

‘It was a fucking request,’ Cunningham said. ‘I wouldn’t out someone.’

‘Okay.’

Theo needed to explain. He needed to fix this. He might not like Cunningham, but Cunningham was an integral part of the team, and pissing him off had been a terrible idea. And also he’d just come out to Theo, and Theo had ... well.

‘I didn’t know —’

‘Yeah, it’s cool,’ Cunningham snapped. ‘You just assumed I was a complete cunt for no reason.’

Theo snorted. ‘Sure, no reason.’

Cunningham rolled his eyes. ‘I’m sorry I went on that fucking show, okay? I didn’t know about the skit. It’s not like they asked my opinion first.’

‘I don’t give a fuck about the skit,’ Theo bit out. ‘I give a fuck about you sitting there telling everyone I didn’t have what it takes.’

Cunningham blinked at him. ‘What?’

‘The interview.’

‘What about it?’

‘You sat there and said I didn’t have what it takes.’

Cunningham looked like he had to think about it before he remembered what he’d said, which was in itself infuriating. Theo had thought about it every day since, and Cunningham had forgotten .

‘I think I said some people don’t have what it takes.’

‘Oh, sure, you definitely didn’t mean me.’

Cunningham looked almost confused. ‘What did you want me to say? Was I supposed to pretend you didn’t choke?’ There was an edge back in his voice that Theo couldn’t place. Laughter, maybe.

Theo couldn’t catch his breath. He didn’t want to be here, having this conversation.

‘I —’ I wanted someone to tell me it was okay. I wanted someone to say it happens to everyone. I wanted someone like you to understand.

‘Sorry I hurt your feelings,’ Cunningham said. He didn’t sound sorry at all.

‘Fuck off.’

‘I was trying to do that.’

‘For the record, if someone accidentally outs themselves, it’s probably best not to act like you’re going to catch cooties from them.’

‘ For the record ,’ Cunningham said, ‘when you bag someone out and they overhear it, they might try and keep out of your way.’

‘Like you give a shit what I think of you.’

‘I give a shit about this team.’ Cunningham’s blue eyes were locked with Theo’s.

‘I get you were pissed at me for going on that show. And maybe I should have talked to you and cleared the air or whatever when you got here. But I’m not the reason you choke every time you see a goal post, and my problem with you isn’t that you’re bi. ’

‘Look,’ Theo started. He might have been about to apologise. ‘I —’

‘Fucking save it,’ Cunningham said. He slammed the door behind him.

Jake was out on the oval when Paddy found him.

There was always a bucket or two of balls for anyone who wanted to practise.

Jake was channelling his anger into taking shots at goal from increasingly tricky positions, jogging in to collect the balls whenever the buckets were empty.

He wasn’t kicking particularly well , but the thud of his boot against the ball was making him feel a lot better, and it beat punching a wall. Or slamming Bestavros into one.

‘So,’ Paddy said, coming to stand beside him while he lined up a kick. ‘Did you suck Stavsy’s dick?’

Jake ignored the question and took the kick. The ball ricocheted off the point post and Paddy caught it. Jake grabbed another ball. He got it through this time, but now he felt a bit pathetic. Like a kid having a tantrum.

Paddy flopped down on the grass beside him, unperturbed. ‘Yeah, I guess not. You’d be happier if you had.’

‘Fuck off,’ Jake griped half-heartedly, lowering himself to the ground too. He didn’t like being alone with his feelings. And, unlike Xen, Paddy probably wouldn’t try to make him talk about them.

‘You gonna tell me what’s going on?’

I’ve fucked up my life badly enough that my boyfriend dumped me for being closeted and the new queer player on the team assumed I was a massive bigot.

‘Nothing’s going on.’

‘Are you sure? The two of you are going to have to play nice this season, and you’re not looking super friendly.’

‘Like he’s going to make it out of the twos.’

Paddy gave him a look. He tucked one foot up against his thigh and leaned down towards the other one. He wasn’t as bendy as Bestavros. ‘Come on, bro. What the fuck was that? You’re the one who called me in and just sprang dick sucking on me.’

‘Thought you liked that.’

‘Not with Stavs standing there looking like he was going to boke.’

Jake sighed. He had gotten Paddy involved. And Paddy would accept it if Jake told him to fuck off, but that would be a bit of a dick move.

‘You know how I overheard him talking shit about me? Well, he mentioned some other stuff on the call. Personal stuff. He thought I was avoiding him because of that.’

Paddy would probably put the pieces together. He might have already clocked Bestavros as queer – he had an eerie sense for when people might be interested in fucking him.

‘Bit of a leap from that to dick sucking,’ Paddy said.

‘Can’t help you.’

‘Mm.’ Paddy stared in the direction of the goal posts. ‘But you came out to him?’

‘Yeah.’ Jake leaned his chin against his knees. ‘I guess I did.’

‘Is he going to be a dick about it? Because if he —’

‘I ... no. I don’t think he will.’

‘Are you going to be a dick about whatever went down?’

Jake looked at the balls scattered behind the goal posts. There was the right answer to that question, and then there was the accurate one. He settled for honesty. Paddy wouldn’t have believed him if he’d lied.

‘Maybe.’