Page 18 of After the Siren

‘Yeah, you can pretend to ask me out,’ Jake said, because he was a fucking moron. ‘Come on.’

Stavs looked as though he was torn between laughing along and running away. ‘Sure, okay,’ he said, which took Jake by surprise. Then he leaned across the table and took Jake’s hand . Jake regretted all of the choices in his life that had led to this moment.

Theo said something in, like, proper French. As far as Jake could tell. Which he probably couldn’t. But it was a couple of sentences, not just bonjour or whatever.

Jake had always had a bit of a thing for hot guys speaking different languages. Maybe it was just that, apart from his relationship with Kyle, most of his sexual experience had been with guys in Europe, so it was Pavlovian at this point.

‘Uh, oui?’ Jake said, trying not to sound turned on.

Theo grinned at him. ‘Great. And, uh ...’ He paused for a second and switched to Spanish. Again, multiple sentences.

‘Claro, guapo,’ Jake said, because he had learned some Spanish. Mainly variations of Yes, like that and Can I?

He couldn’t believe this was happening while he was being filmed by Greg.

Or maybe it was a good thing it was Greg.

If Jake popped a boner, Greg would assume he was thinking about his best goals or something.

But that was not going to happen, because Jake was a grown-ass adult and in control of his dick.

The Arabic was definitely the worst. Or the best. Maybe it was just that Stavs said more in Arabic.

But he still had Jake’s hand in his, and he looked into Jake’s eyes as he said it, and Jake tried to look like he was on the verge of laughter rather than on the verge of grabbing Stavs by the collar and sticking his tongue down his throat.

‘What did you say?’ Greg asked.

Theo’s eyes widened for a second. ‘Oh,’ he said. ‘Um, I said You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen, Rumi would have written poetry about you, your eyes are like the ocean, please let me take you to dinner. ’

‘Smooth,’ Jake said, and they both dissolved into laughter.

Thank God .

Jake grabbed another card before the situation could get even more out of hand – under Greg’s oblivious fucking nose.

‘What’s the most romantic place in the world?’

‘I think any place in the world can be romantic if you’re with the right person,’ Stavs said.

‘Gross.’ Except it wasn’t. It really was romantic.

Stavs picked the next card. ‘Best date you’ve ever been on.’

That put out Jake’s good mood like a wet blanket over a campfire. ‘Nah, too hard to pick,’ he said. ‘Don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.’ He winked at the camera and didn’t look at Stavs, because Stavs would know he was a fucking liar.

The questions continued. Jake was pretty sure the published video would be just what Greg wanted: a bit of banter between teammates, some low-key thirst content, nothing that the main body of the supporter base would dislike. Very safe.

Jake fucking hated it.

Jake was silent as they walked back towards the foyer.

That was ominous. Jake was never silent.

Theo didn’t think anyone watching the video would notice Jake’s face had shuttered when Theo had asked about the best date he’d ever been on.

Theo might not have noticed a month ago, but at some point he’d just started noticing things about Jake.

It had occurred to Theo, as Jake’s smile had shifted from real to fake, that Jake might not have gone on dates with anyone except his ex. Hell, maybe he hadn’t even gone on dates with his ex – Jake might not have wanted to risk being seen on a date.

Was it possible that Jake Cunningham had never been on a date ?

The possibility was enough to distract Theo from having told him ‘Your eyes are like the ocean’ .

(What the fuck.) There was something fundamentally wrong with a world where Jake Cunningham couldn’t go on a date.

He was the sort of person who’d like dating.

‘Want to grab a coffee?’ Theo asked, as they approached the main doors.

‘Sure,’ Jake said.

The silence continued while they walked. It was unsettling.

They ended up at Jane Orangutan. The staff knew all the Falcons players, but they maintained their allegiance to the Collingwood Currawongs.

Theo ordered for them both while Jake grabbed his favourite booth.

After a moment of deliberation, Theo got Jake one of the weird peanut-butter protein balls he liked.

When he reached the table, Jake was staring at his water glass rather than scrolling. Even more ominous.

The silence continued through the arrival of the coffee. Theo decided to drink his coffee and not ask any questions. It was a strategy Priya sometimes used on him when she wanted him to spit something out.

‘Kyle and I didn’t really get to go on dates,’ Jake said to his latte, after a few minutes. He hadn’t drunk any of it. ‘We went out and stuff, but we weren’t coupley, you know.’

‘You don’t have to talk about it. But you can.’

Jake took a sip of the coffee, then pushed it away. ‘It ... I don’t know. It was ... I just ...’ He trailed off again, looking out the window.

Theo let the silence unfold between them again, trying to make it clear that he was listening but not pushing.

That Jake could change the subject if he wanted to.

Except somehow it was important that Jake didn’t change the subject.

Theo wanted Jake to trust him with whatever it was that was bothering him. Wanted to make it better, if he could.

‘I thought he meant it,’ Jake told the protein ball. ‘When we first got together he said he got that I wouldn’t come out, and he didn’t mind. He said he could wait, that he wouldn’t push. I believed him, you know?’

Theo had realised, after six or so weeks of getting to know Jake properly, that Jake didn’t say things he didn’t mean.

He could be careless, and a bit of a dickhead, and he was definitely used to getting what he wanted, but he was honest. It was like he didn’t know any other way to be, like he’d never learned to lie, except for the one big lie of omission they had in common.

Jake took other people at face value, and Theo felt indignation tighten his chest when he thought about someone knowing that and lying to Jake to get what they wanted.

‘I don’t get why he said it if he didn’t mean it,’ Jake said quietly, this time to the cactus in a jar on the table.

‘Like, I get it, it sucks having to hide it or whatever. I know that.’ His voice cracked.

‘But he ... he said I was worth it. And then he changed his mind.’ His blue eyes were very bright.

‘And I still don’t know ... was it something I did, did it take him a while to realise I wasn’t worth it, or did he never mean it at all? ’

Theo didn’t think Jake had intended to say all that. He knew the feeling; the words like something you’d ripped out from somewhere under your ribcage and plopped down bloody on the table.

‘I’m sorry he did that,’ Theo said. He wanted to reach across and touch Jake’s arm, to pull him into a hug. Paddy or Xen would have done it, but Theo hadn’t quite worked out the effortless intimacy they had with one another.

‘I need a fucking hug,’ Jake said.

‘From me?’

‘Do you see anyone else volunteering?’ Jake was still looking at the protein ball.

Theo shuffled around to Jake’s side of the booth, wrapped an arm around Jake’s shoulder and pulled him in.

It was the sort of awkward side-hug that shouldn’t have worked, except Jake relaxed into Theo’s embrace and it just did.

Theo felt Jake exhale, felt some of the tension in his back and shoulders release.

He’d turned his head so his cheek was nestled against Theo’s chest.

‘You’re a good hugger,’ Jake said against Theo’s hoodie. Theo was very consciously not noticing the smell of citrus shampoo and skin-warmed body spray, something light and spicy.

‘Don’t tell anyone,’ Theo said. Not quite into Jake’s hair.

Jake snorted. It verged on a snuffle. Theo realised that he wanted to kiss the top of Jake’s head, which was .

.. it was absolutely not a thing he should want, or be thinking about.

Even if Jake had settled into his arms as though he was meant to be there, even if Theo could feel every breath he took.

‘This is cute,’ a familiar voice said. Theo looked up. Xen and Paddy were looking down at them. ‘Can’t believe the two of you snuck off to snuggle without inviting us,’ Paddy continued, sliding into the booth next to Jake. Xen took the other side of the booth.

‘I wanted a hug,’ Jake said. Xen and Paddy didn’t seem to think that was out of the ordinary, so presumably Theo wasn’t the first person to be asked for a hug in a time of need. He wasn’t going to have any feelings about that.

‘You okay?’ Xen asked. Theo wasn’t sure if it was directed to him or to Jake, so he answered for both of them.

‘We just did some Valentine’s Day social media. With Greg.’

‘Yikes,’ Xen said.

Paddy wrapped an arm around Jake from the other side and Jake transferred the snuggle to him. Which was for the best, even if Theo felt oddly bereft without Jake pressed against his chest. He still had one arm around Jake’s shoulders, so he left it there while Jake nestled into Paddy’s side.

‘It was a kind of quiz,’ Theo explained. ‘Questions about our best-ever dates and stuff.’

‘Ah,’ Xen said, clearly getting it. ‘I don’t think they should make us talk about our personal lives like that on the socials. It’s shitty.’

‘I think it was just supposed to be cute and funny,’ Theo said, trying to be fair. ‘It wasn’t Greg’s fault he picked two players in the closet.’

There was a beat of silence and whoops – well, that was one way for him to come out, Theo supposed.

‘I’m bi,’ he said.

‘Cool.’ Paddy reached around Jake for a fist bump.

‘Thanks for telling us.’ Xen smiled. ‘Sorry you didn’t really mean to.’

‘I meant to,’ Theo said, and realised he had. ‘Maybe not right then, but – I was going to say something, at some point.’

‘Three out of four.’ Paddy turned to Xen. ‘You sure you don’t want to join the club?’

‘I think it’s the sort of club you get appointed to at birth,’ Xen said.

Paddy looked at Theo. ‘I don’t like labels, but I’m not straight.’

‘Cool, thanks for telling me.’

It wasn’t exactly a surprise. Paddy had the air of someone who’d transcended earthly concerns like sexuality.

‘Did you guess?’ Jake asked, perking up a bit.

‘I mean . . .’

‘Was it when he tried to plant one on you at New Year’s?’ Jake asked, in the tone of someone taking a bit of revenge.

‘I kissed his cheek,’ Paddy protested. ‘I kissed your cheek,’ he said to Jake.

Jake snorted and turned his attention to the latte – probably cold by now – which Theo took as a sign of convalescence.

They didn’t talk about anything serious while they finished their coffees, just gossiped about the club and the league and inconsequential things, then headed back to the club together.

Paddy slung a friendly arm over Theo’s shoulder as they walked and Theo leaned into him. Paddy was very attractive, objectively, but having Paddy’s arm around him didn’t make Theo’s stomach flip the way it had when Jake’s head had been on his chest.

Jake looked back over his shoulder. ‘Stop flirting,’ he called.

Paddy rolled his eyes and let Theo go, nudging him towards Jake. ‘I was just borrowing him.’

‘Give him back,’ Jake said.

Theo decided not to think about why a tension he hadn’t even been aware of eased when Jake wrapped an arm around his waist.