Page 12 of After the Siren

Jake shouldn’t have been ignoring Yelks’ calls, but he’d just ... needed a minute. Several minutes. Aiming a punch at Bestavros had been a stupid overreaction, but his mum was waiting on results from the follow-up scans and he’d just ... cracked.

When he got home from training, he’d started sorting out the stuff in his room that belonged to Kyle.

He’d already been having a terrible day, so why not double down?

He didn’t know what he was going to do with it.

Post it back to him? Throw it away? Set it on fire?

Except somehow he’d found himself sitting on the bed, his face buried in a cashmere sweater Kyle had left, trying not to lose his shit.

Jake, Paddy and Xen had worked out a system when they’d moved into their house.

Anyone could go anywhere, unless a door was locked or (because Jake’s bedroom didn’t lock) he put out the Do Not Disturb sign that Paddy had filched from a fancy hotel.

Ideally, he would mainly have used it when he was having great sex. Life was full of disappointments.

Xen had knocked twice (their signal for ‘I’m leaving something here and fucking off’) and left Jake a pot of some sort of herbal tea that would probably balance his aura (Xen’s girlfriend was into alternative medicine) and a mini Picnic bar.

Xen must have been really worried; he never tempted anyone off the diet plan.

Paddy had texted him a sequence of memes.

They both knew what was really the matter – he’d told them that the first scans had needed follow-up – but neither of them would push it.

He didn’t know if he wanted them to push it.

He hadn’t wanted to talk about Kyle, but he couldn’t talk about his mum maybe being sick again.

If he talked about it, that would make it real.

Yelks looked at him in the entryway. ‘Deck?’ he asked. They’d had a few team parties here, so Yelks knew the layout.

The back deck was Jake’s favourite thing about the house.

You could sit there and watch birds fight it out in the couple of fruit trees that Xen hadn’t netted.

On summer evenings you could see the sunset and hear laughter and music from the other backyards.

The neighbours over the fence had kids who liked to play footy and occasionally Jake kicked a stray ball back to them.

Xen was the only one of them who was really interested in the fruit trees – every now and then he bullied Jake and Paddy into helping pick the fruit, and then Jake into driving buckets of blood oranges, lemons and mandarins to his yiayia’s place.

After a week or so, Jake would go and pick up the same boxes, now filled with jam and relish and other things they were only allowed in small quantities.

There was now an allocated spot at the club for Xen to put the jars and bottles they were giving away.

If football didn’t work out, Xen and his yiayia could probably start some sort of preserves business.

Jake swiped some cutlery for him and Yelks on the way through the kitchen and they settled into the two best chairs on the deck. Xen and Paddy were nowhere to be found. Jake suspected Yelks had texted them and asked them to stay clear.

Traitors. At least he wouldn’t have to share the food.

‘I talked to Bestavros,’ Yelks said, once they’d made a good start on the pierogi. Fuck, they were tasty.

‘Yeah?’

‘He didn’t know about your family situation.’

‘Okay.’ Good for him.

‘What’s going on, Jaze? You get along with everyone, and Bestavros isn’t a bad guy. To be honest, I thought he’d slot in with the three of you.’

‘Did you ask him?’

Yelks smiled. When he first joined the Falcons, Jake had a crush on Yelks for about three weeks purely on the strength of his smile. Maybe also his thighs. ‘Yes, but I want to hear it from you as well.’

Jake thought about it. He was going to have to come clean – but in a way that didn’t out either of them. He managed to stumble his way through a version of the truth while Yelks gave him an I know you’re leaving shit out look.

Yelks tended to let people sort out their own stuff rather than pushing.

People did talk to him, though. Not really Jake, because Jake didn’t usually have shit to talk about, or at least not shit he was going to talk to Yelks about.

But he knew at least four people who’d cried onto one of Yelks’ broad shoulders.

Yelks had also been great with Xen from the word go; hadn’t blinked when Xen had admitted he was having panic attacks, had just pulled him into a hug and then set up a sequence of appointments for him.

Sometimes Jake wondered if he should tell Yelks he was gay. Like, maybe it would be a relief. Some stupid part of him thought that if he could tell Yelks, and if Yelks said it was okay, then it really would be okay.

Feelings were fucked up.

Yelks waited once Jake finished. Expectantly.

‘I’ll apologise,’ Jake said, finally. ‘And I’ll ... um ... stop provoking him?’

‘Yes.’

It had gone a bit far. But Bestavros just got to him . All those fucking disapproving looks under those ridiculous lashes. The way he smashed everyone’s times in the running drills. The way the training shorts looked on his thighs when he propelled himself into the air off the marking bag.

‘This can’t have been an easy transition for him,’ Yelks said. ‘I was hoping you boys would look out for him. He’s got a lot of talent, but the Sharks obviously weren’t a good fit. To really deliver on his ability, he needs to loosen up. Have some fun. Feel like part of this team.’

That was absolutely true. And Jake definitely hadn’t done anything to help with that.

‘Yeah,’ Jake said, prodding the last pierogi. ‘I’ll do better. I don’t know if he’s gonna want to be friends, but I’ll try.’

‘That’s all I can ask.’ Yelks stretched.

God, his arms were ridiculous. He was in his mid-thirties and he probably had the best body on the team.

There was an Insta (which Jake definitely didn’t follow on his burner account) devoted purely to pictures of Yelks in trackies.

‘You’ve still got to do your extras though. ’

Jake knew that if he explained what was going on with his mum, Yelks would go in to bat for him, and he’d be allowed to go home as planned.

But he didn’t want to explain. He already felt raw and scraped out.

He didn’t want to deal with Yelks being gentle and kind, the way he’d say something like, ‘Whatever you need.’ He didn’t want Bestavros to think he’d gotten out of the extras because he was a brat, but he also didn’t want him to know why he’d gotten out of extras.

So he said goodbye to Yelks, locked the door, and yelled, ‘It’s safe to come out,’ down the hallway.

He’d cope.