Page 34 of After the Siren

Chapter Eighteen

It was bucketing with rain and Jake was busy taking screenshots of the really messed-up shit in his direct messages.

The storm had started after lunch – the type of apocalyptic downpour Melbourne saved up for afternoons when the morning had been sunny.

Jake didn’t like the winter, but he did like being warm and cosy with the rain hammering down on the roof.

It helped that Stavs was sprawled on the bed beside him, still naked, a blanket pulled up over his legs.

They didn’t usually get lazy afternoons, but the Falcons had played a Thursday-night game and Davo had given them Sunday afternoon off.

Jake had managed to lure Stavs into bed after lunch and Stavs had passed out about thirty seconds after coming.

The Falcons were playing well. Even better, Stavs was playing well, and he’d also managed to bounce back from a quiet game without getting sad. Rigger was back from his hamstring injury, but Davo had left Stavs on the wing and put Rigger into the middle.

Jake brushed his fingers over Stavs’ shoulder and Stavs murmured sleepily as he rolled over, nestling closer. He was much cuddlier than he pretended to be. That was the type of small Stavs detail Jake had been storing up. He had three weeks’ worth of them now.

The sex was ... really good. And only seemed to be getting better . At some point, Jake was going to raise the fact that there were options other than hands and mouths on dicks, but hands and mouths on dicks were pretty great, and he didn’t want Stavs to feel like Jake was pushing.

Jake leaned down to kiss the nape of Stavs’ neck and Stavs opened his eyes, blinking once or twice like he wasn’t sure where he was. It was extremely cute. Jake resisted the urge to kiss him on the head.

‘What’re you doing?’ Stavs’ voice was a little husky with sleep.

Jake told him.

‘What?’ Stavs no longer sounded sleepy.

‘The club told me to send them any threats and shit on social media. So they can keep track, I guess.’

Stavs wriggled to prop himself up on the pillow, pulling the blanket up with him. Disappointing, but it was chilly. Jake could probably persuade him to give up the blanket later.

‘Should you be doing that? Can’t someone else scan through them?’

‘I’m not giving Greg access to my DMs.’

‘Who’s DMing you?’

‘Why, you jealous?’

Stavs gave him a look that said I know what you’re doing and I’m not rising to the bait. ‘It seems wrong that you have to look at it all.’

Jake shrugged. ‘I don’t really care.’ Most of it was just bullshit. Some of it was a bit fucked up.

His phone buzzed on the bed and he checked it, then grinned.

Stavs quirked an eyebrow.

‘Some of the AFLW players have a group where they share the shit they get on social media,’ he explained. ‘Gabby added me after we chatted about it in the gym.’

In fact, Gabby had been sending him commentary on the screenshots he’d sent to the group, sometimes complete with annotations. The group was very funny, as long as he didn’t think too hard about it.

‘They get fucked-up shit,’ Jake said, sliding down the bed so he could rest his head on Stavs’ thigh. He had to take advantage of this sleepy, agreeable Stavs. ‘Dex doesn’t even use social media anymore because it got so bad after they came out as non-binary and had their top surgery and stuff.’

‘That’s terrible.’

‘Yeah.’

‘Are you okay?’ Stavs asked, his fingers settling in Jake’s hair. Jake pressed his head into the touch and thought about it. ‘Yeah, I’m kinda used to it. It’s worse now, but it’s fine. People have been saying gross shit to me since the first season I played. Before then, even.’

‘People suck.’

‘There are nice messages, too. I have an album. And Greg’s been sending me supportive stuff people send to the club. Plus some players from other AFLW teams have messaged me.’

‘Can I see?’

‘The good ones or the bad ones?’

‘I’ll take the good ones, thanks.’

Jake opened the album and handed him the phone. Stavs took it, but kept one hand in Jake’s hair.

‘I feel kinda bad,’ Jake admitted. ‘I didn’t do shit, and people are acting like I was really brave or something.’

Stavs’ fingers stilled in his hair. ‘It was brave. Nobody’s said anything like that before. You could have been disciplined by the club.’

‘What were they going to do? Be like, Oh yeah, actually, we don’t support the AFLW team ?’

Stavs was quiet for a little while, flicking through the album. Some of the messages were really kind. Jake wasn’t sure what to do with the way they made him feel; whether he wanted to lean into the feeling or flinch away from it.

‘Can I see the bad ones?’ Stavs asked, finally.

‘If you wanna.’

Stavs handed back the phone back and Jake opened the album.

He hesitated. ‘They’re ... are you sure you wanna?’

Something in Stavs’ face got determined. ‘Yes.’

Jake put his head back on Stavs’ thigh because it was very comfortable.

Stavs made little noises of outrage every now and again. ‘This is fucked,’ he said, finally. ‘You shouldn’t have to deal with this.’

Jake sighed. ‘It’s chill, seriously. I just screenshot it and block people.’

Stavs made another unhappy noise.

‘I’ve been thinking about what it would be like to come out,’ Jake said. He didn’t want to look at Stavs’ face. He didn’t want to see what Stavs was thinking.

‘Yeah?’

‘Like, not now, obviously.’ He wasn’t sure what he wanted Stavs to say. To agree with him? To tell him that he should come out?

‘The team would have your back,’ Stavs said.

‘Yeah, but I’m not the right person to be first, you know? I’m not, like, a model gay. But maybe if nothing happens in the next couple of years, it’s better than nothing.’

‘A model gay?’

‘Yeah, like ... people are gonna say shit about it, right? Because it’s me.’

‘I think they’d say shit about it no matter who it is. The mainstream media won’t be too bad. There’s a code of conduct.’

‘ Full Forward will do a skit about me taking it up the ass though. And ...’ He hesitated. ‘I don’t know. I wanna think that guys wouldn’t say shit on the field. But they’re gonna say shit on the field, and it’s gonna suck.’

Stavs winced. ‘Probably.’

It was kind of comforting, the way Stavs didn’t try to tell him he was wrong.

It wasn’t like it had been a decade ago; probably most guys wouldn’t care.

Some would, though. The media probably wouldn’t ask How do you feel about sharing a locker room with a gay guy?

But there were lots of questions that were more subtly homophobic.

Is it a distraction? Why do you have to make a big deal out of this?

All that sort of shit. Like people came out because they wanted a fucking gift basket.

‘It shits me, you know,’ Jake said. ‘I never told anyone I was straight. But if I do anything gay, it’s gonna be a shitshow. People will say I want the attention.’

Stavs ducked his head and pressed a kiss to Jake’s hair. ‘You do like attention,’ he said, gently teasing.

‘Mm,’ Jake agreed. ‘You gonna give me some?’

He still wasn’t sure what he’d wanted Stavs to say about coming out. Stavs hadn’t said it, whatever it was. But it was a rainy afternoon, and they were in bed together, and Jake had a lot of practice not thinking about coming out.

Stavs handed the phone back. ‘Reading those didn’t really put me in the mood.’

Jake pouted. ‘Fine. You can help me sort them. Sometimes it’s kinda hard to tell who’s being threatening and who’s hitting on me. Is “suck my dick pretty boy” abuse or an invitation?’

‘Is there a question mark?’

‘Does that matter?’

‘I think it’s the difference between ...’ Stavs assumed what was supposed to be a threatening look. ‘“Suck my dick, pretty boy.”’ Then he adopted an expression that really made the most of his eyelashes. ‘And “Suck my dick, pretty boy?”’

‘Yeah, but those were both kinda hot,’ Jake said, putting his phone aside. ‘Maybe you should order me around more.’

Theo snorted. ‘You hate doing what you’re told.’

‘Only when I don’t wanna do it.’ Jake sat up, but only so he could throw a leg over Stavs’ thighs and straddle him. It made him a bit taller and Stavs looked up at him, smiling. It was a strange smile. Soft.

Jake ran his palms down Stavs’ bare chest. Stavs sighed, his hands settling on Jake’s thighs.

‘Well?’ Jake asked. ‘How’s your mood now?’

‘Might have changed a bit.’

It turned out Stavs wasn’t very good at giving orders in bed.

He couldn’t get through, ‘Suck my dick, pretty boy,’ without starting to laugh.

It was nice to see him laughing, though, so Jake sucked his dick anyway.

Lazily this time, because they’d done it hard and fast earlier, and he liked the way Stavs gasped when he slowed it down.

Liked the way he tried to keep quiet and couldn’t.

At some point, Jake was going to raise the subject of fingering, and then he was going to have a good time making Stavs get louder.

Once he’d taken a moment, Stavs rolled them over and kissed his way purposefully down Jake’s body.

Stavs was a quick learner. Good attention to detail.

He liked it when Jake got two hands in his hair, not pushing him down or pulling it, just gentle pressure against his scalp.

He liked it when Jake talked to him, too, even though Jake had never been any good at talking dirty.

He didn’t even try these days, just said yes and fuck and variations on so good.

This time Stavs didn’t pass out immediately after; he flopped back against the pillows and let Jake tuck his head against his chest.

‘Hey,’ Jake said, tracing a finger over one of Stavs’ pecs. ‘I’m going home for the bye weekend. Wanna come? Paddy and Xen are in.’

Stavs blinked at him. ‘What, to meet your mum?’

Jake pushed himself up onto his elbow. Stavs was looking up at him. ‘Well, yeah, my mum will be there, but that’s not the point. The point is the beach. We’ll teach you to surf.’

‘It’s June .’