Page 38 of After the Siren

They’d collected Paddy and Xen, driven back to shower and then gone on a long walk along the headland. Jake had scorned sunscreen and gotten slightly sunburned on the walk. Sunburn should not have made him more attractive.

And yet.

They were barbecuing for dinner. The weather was cold but clear, and Debbie and Lydia had a couple of outdoor gas heaters that were keeping everyone toasty.

A random assortment of people had arrived to join in.

Theo had no hope of remembering who everyone was, except some of the children were Keeley’s niblings, and everyone was very loud.

Still, they were loud in the friendly way that made it easy to drift on the edge of the gathering without feeling left out.

Theo was perched on the steps, drinking a Sprite and watching a maelstrom of children swirl around Jake, who was clearly a favourite.

Keeley came to join him and they sat in companionable silence as Jake, Paddy and Xen corralled the kids into a chaotic game of Marker’s Up.

Theo would have guessed that Jake would be great with kids after seeing him with Riley, but there was guessing it and there was seeing Jake hoisting one of his honorary niblings into the air so she could grab for the ball, screaming with glee.

It made him realise that for all Jake’s energy and confidence, in some ways he held himself back, just a little.

You didn’t notice it until he truly let go and really laughed.

He’d been laughing like that the night they’d first kissed.

Keeley held out her Corona and Theo touched the base of his Sprite to it.

‘So, you and Jake,’ she said.

Theo took a sip of his drink to avoid answering for a few seconds.

Keeley gave him a knowing look. ‘Don’t bother. I know him, and neither of you are that subtle. He’s worse, though. A couple of times I thought I was going to have to spray him with the hose.’

Theo snorted. ‘I guess he feels like he doesn’t have to hide stuff here.’

‘Yeah,’ Keeley said, sounding a little sad.

He wondered if he was about to be threatened. Keeley was clearly a staunch defender of Jake.

‘Are you going to threaten me?’ he asked, because they might as well get it over with.

She burst out laughing, and Jake glanced across at them. She waved at him and he grinned and turned to fend off a spirited assault by one of the kids.

‘No,’ she said. ‘I’ve assessed you as at equal risk of having your heart broken, so no threats.’

Theo felt like he should protest. They weren’t supposed to be doing anything with the possibility of ending in broken hearts.

Before he could formulate a response, Keeley continued. ‘Have you guys talked much about Kyle?’ She was tracing shapes in the sand at the base of the steps with one of her big toes.

‘Not heaps,’ Theo said. On the one hand, he was burningly curious about Kyle, especially after the earlier encounter. On the other hand, trying to get information about him from Jake’s best friend felt like a recipe for disaster.

Keeley studied him for a few moments, and Theo wanted to shift under the look. It was inquisitive. Measuring. Then she seemed to come to some sort of decision and looked away, her gaze tracking down the backyard again.

‘I’m going to tell you some stuff about Kyle and Jake,’ she said, voice quiet.

‘Things I noticed, right? I’m not breaking his confidence but .

.. I’m going to tell you because you seem like a good guy, and whatever the two of you are doing, I think you care about Jake.

And because of what you said to Kyle today. ’

‘I do care about Jake.’ It felt like a dangerous confession. ‘We’re friends.’

She wiped away the design in the sand with her foot and started again. ‘He told you about the break-up?’

‘Yeah, a while ago. He said they broke up because Jake wouldn’t come out.’

Keeley sighed. ‘I don’t think Kyle ever thought Jake would say no to him.

I don’t think he ever had before.’ She caught Theo’s look and shrugged.

‘I don’t really mean like that . Though probably that, too.

I just mean – well, Kyle’s four years older than we are.

Me and Jake, I mean. We were good mates with Kyle’s younger brother, Olly, so Kyle was around a fair bit, and you know what it’s like when you’re a kid.

Kyle seemed like he was so cool. I used to give Jake so much shit because his crush was that obvious. ’

Theo could imagine. He had developed a crippling and humiliating crush on his friend’s older sister at the age of thirteen. Recovery had been slow and painful.

‘Kyle never looked twice at him – obviously, we were babies – but then Jake turned eighteen and got drafted and came back looking like ... well, like that .’

She waved a hand at Jake, who was in the process of showing the niblings how to take an overhead mark. He was, for once, wearing a shirt, but it was an old footy singlet that didn’t leave much to the imagination.

‘And nothing happened, not for ages, but there was just something different in the way he looked at Jake, you know? He was suddenly keen to tell Jake all about his job and his glamorous friends and whatever else. He was around a lot more, and then he invited Jake down to the Peninsula for New Year’s and, well, that was that.

’ She scowled. ‘Jake was so fucking happy . Whenever I think about it, I want to go and punch Kyle in his stupid symmetrical face.’

That was an urge Theo shared.

‘But it was like ... like Jake felt he had to be grateful that Kyle wanted to be with him. And especially that Kyle was willing to be with him when he wasn’t out.

I don’t know if things would have been different if he had been out, but there was just this .

.. dynamic. Jake was always working to make up for the fact he was closeted.

It was always Jake making the compromises, you know?

Jake driving to Canberra, Jake dropping things to go and see Kyle, Jake making the time, Jake buying Kyle shit even though Kyle made plenty of money.

Like Kyle never had to make any effort because he’d compromised on that one thing. ’ She grimaced. ‘I hated it.’

‘Kyle seems like a shithead.’

Keeley grinned. ‘You won’t hear any arguments from me. But I’m being unfair. He was ... charming. Charismatic. Smart, and funny.’

‘Hot,’ Theo added.

‘That too. He can be pretty irresistible when he wants to be.’

‘I guess it would be tough being with someone closeted,’ Theo observed. Cautiously.

Keeley glanced across at him. ‘Of course. And to be honest, if Kyle had called it quits because of that, I would have understood. I still would’ve thought he was a dick, but I get it. It wasn’t the fact he decided he couldn’t do it – it was the ultimatum. You don’t do that if you love someone.’

‘I guess you don’t.’

Theo thought about Sarah and the moment he’d known it was over between them. It felt like a lifetime ago.

‘Jake, uh ...’ Theo paused, trying to frame the question in a way that didn’t make it seem like he was fishing for information. Even if he absolutely was. ‘He hasn’t mentioned any other boyfriends. As opposed to, uh ...’

‘Dudes he fucked?’ she finished for him. ‘Well, you should ask him. But yeah. Kyle was the only serious one.’ She sighed. ‘The prick.’

They lapsed into silence for a couple of minutes, watching Jake pretend to fight off a couple of the kids.

Keeley sighed. ‘Sometimes I think he’s convinced himself he doesn’t deserve a real relationship because he hasn’t come out.’

‘Surely ...’ Theo started, and then stopped.

‘Look,’ Keeley said. ‘It’s all speculation on my part. I get that it’s complicated, for both of you, and that it’s not official or anything.’ She gave him a wry look. ‘I promise I won’t slash your tyres. But just ... be kind to him. Please. Sometimes people don’t see that he needs that.’

Theo felt as though someone had wrapped their hands around his heart and squeezed. ‘I will. I promise.’

She smiled. ‘Thanks. He’s lucky to have you.’

She was lucky Theo had good reflexes, because he just managed to punch the footy away as it barrelled directly for Keeley’s face. The nibling responsible for the rogue kick was staring at them, frozen with horror.

‘Thanks,’ she said again. It was even more heartfelt this time.

‘That’s why they pay him the big bucks,’ Paddy said, coming over to retrieve the ball. ‘C’mon, Stavs, Keeley. We need you.’

Theo let himself be towed to his feet, and he only dropped a couple of marks because he was distracted watching Jake.

By the time they called it a night, Theo’s stomach muscles hurt from laughing.

Once the guests had all drifted away, they’d settled by the fire in the living room and Debbie had started to tell them stories about Jake as a child.

She and Jake had spoken over each other and finished each other’s sentences, arguing about the details of every anecdote with Keeley as moderator and instigator by turns.

Jake didn’t seem to have any shame about being the butt of the joke; he laughed at himself, sprawled on the worn carpet with one hand behind his head, gesturing with a mint slice in the other.

Paddy had joined in as well – he had enough siblings to have an endless supply of stories – and had made Lydia actually cry with laughter, clutching Xen’s shoulder for support.

Xen had turned out to be a surprisingly good mimic, and he’d chimed in with a couple of stories from his time in the VFL with Paddy and Jake.

Theo had let it all eddy around him, warm from the fire and the shared laughter.