Page 48

Nova

It wasn’t the best night to be upset with Lance.

Mama wanted to go to Skye’s game, too, so getting there wasn’t a problem.

The problem was working up the nerve to go inside.

I remembered the games being a big deal, and I expected the whole town to be there.

I guess I didn’t think to include the whole town plus the visitors from the other team.

There wasn’t anywhere to park near the school.

As Mama and I walked from our car, which she’d parked down the road, my heart banged with the rhythm of my footsteps.

“You okay, baby?” Mama asked, reaching for my hand.

“No, but let’s keep going.”

We made it all the way to the front door of the school before I got lightheaded. I was sure I was going to faint. I needed to sit. Not far from the door was a raised flower bed that was bricked in and made a perfect seat.

“Take your time,” Mama encouraged me while rubbing my back.

The front door swung open, pushing out the loud cheers from inside. Everything inside me ached to be in that building, among the crowd, cheering and jumping up and down for Skye.

“Martha! What are you doing out here? You missing your grandbaby. She’s in there cutting up on that court,” a lady said, standing next to Mama. She gazed down at me. “Nova? Oh my God, Nova, is that really you?” She stepped closer to me.

“Pearl, can you run back inside and get Nova a bottled water, please.”

Ms. Pearl nodded. “I’ll be right back.” Her concerned stare stayed on me until she opened the door again and rushed inside.

“Bless her heart, she don’t have the brains God gave her. She sees you in distress, and she’s just looking. Not bothering to see if she can help or nothing.”

As soon as Mama finished fussing, the door opened again, and Ms. Pearl unscrewed the top and passed the water to me.

“Thank you, love,” Mama said, her voice soft and sweet.

I would’ve laughed if I wasn’t busy trying to calm my nerves. I sipped the water and felt a little better, but it was still not good enough to go inside the building. It was bad enough that Mama and Ms. Pearl were still standing over me, staring.

I was relieved when the door opened again and diverted their attention away from me. When I glanced up, Quinton was walking out of the building with his phone to his ear. He looked over and saw us, then lowered his phone, a flicker of surprise crossing his features.

The moment I saw him, my mind instantly went back to all the times he and I had walked through those very doors, hand in hand as boyfriend and girlfriend.

We had our whole lives ahead of us and so many dreams to fulfill.

Then, those thoughts were ripped away by our reality.

He was fulfilling dreams with Leah now, not with me.

“What’s going on?” Quinton asked, his voice a blend of concern and curiosity. His gaze shifted back and forth from Mama to me, his eyebrows knitted together in a puzzled frown as if he was trying to make sense of what was happening.

“She wanted to see Skye play tonight, but it’s a little too much. She’s okay, though, aren’t you, honey?” Mama asked me.

I nodded, but I wasn’t okay. I wouldn’t be okay until I was able to walk in a building without the fear of something bad happening. I wanted to surprise Skye so bad, but it didn’t look like that was going to happen.

“Come on.” Mama reached for my hand. “Let me get you home.”

I shook my head. “No, Mama, you really wanted to see Skye play, and I don’t want you to miss it because of me. You go inside, and I’ll sit here. I’ll be okay,” I said, looking around the parking lot, fear gripping me at the thought of sitting out there alone.

“How about I take you home,” Quinton said to me, “and you can go in and watch the second half of the game. Skye will be happy to see you,” he told Mama.

“I don’t know ...” Mama looked toward the building.

“Come on, Martha. You have to see your grandbaby playing. I’m telling you she’s on fire tonight,” Ms. Pearl said, grabbing Mama’s hand.

“Okay, but here.” Mama reached into her purse and gave Quinton a key. “This is a key I had made for Nova. I meant to give it to you earlier but forgot,” she told me.

Quinton and I were on our way to his truck when a car pulled up beside us.

“Hey, you two.” The man spoke to Quinton and me.

I didn’t recognize him, but Quinton did. “You may as well go home now,” Quinton teased.

The man stepped out. He was tall like Quinton, but he didn’t have his muscular build.

“Nova, this is my friend Mario,” Quinton told me. “Mario, this is my ... this is Nova.”

Mario extended his hand to me. “Nice to meet you, Nova.”

I shook his hand. “Nice to meet you too.”

“Hold on one second,” Quinton said to Mario before walking me over to his truck and opening the door for me to get in. “I’ll be right back, okay?”

I nodded. Quinton walked back over to Mario’s car, where they talked for a few minutes. Quinton kept looking back at me, I guess to make sure I was okay, which I was. As long as I could see him, I was good.

Quinton’s posture was rigid, and his hands wouldn’t stop moving.

Mario stared at him, almost without blinking, and gave an occasional nod.

Years of living with someone like Adam meant I had to learn how to read his body language.

It was helpful to know what to expect before it actually came.

I knew the kind of night we’d have based on his footsteps and his arm movements.

If his footsteps were light and his arm swung a little when he walked, he was in a good mood.

If his footsteps were heavier, not stomping, but heavier than the good-mood steps, and his shoulders were rigid with no arm movement, then he wasn’t in a good mood, which meant by the end of the night, I wouldn’t be either.

I could tell that whatever Quinton and Mario were discussing was very serious. Quinton’s posture was intense. He and Mario gave each other a quick hug, followed by a pat on the back before Quinton turned and came back to the truck.

I was weighed down by guilt. Maybe he was telling Mario that I was messing up his night. And what about Leah? Didn’t he need to tell her that he was gone?

“I’m sorry,” I told Quinton when he slid behind the steering wheel.

“For what?” He glanced over at me.

“You’re going to miss the start of the second half because of me. Not to mention, Leah is probably looking for you. Unless Mama told her what happened.”

“Don’t sweat it. Skye will understand. Besides, she won’t even notice I’m gone. You remember how it was when you were in the zone. You don’t know anything that’s going on around you. And I was actually trying to call Leah when I walked outside. She didn’t make it.”

“Is she okay?”

“I’m sure she’s fine. I’ll try again after I get you home safely.”

The floodlights around the house brightened the yard when we pulled up. I stood next to Quinton and waited while he unlocked the front door. Once inside, every muscle in my body relaxed. “Thanks again.” I stood next to the front door. “But you need to get going before you miss the whole game.”

“I’m not leaving until your mom gets home.” He reached around me and locked the door.

“Are you sure? I promise I’m okay,” I insisted, stepping slightly away to put some distance between us.

Quinton’s presence was so familiar, yet so changed.

It still left me dealing with feelings that needed to be placed in some category, but I didn’t know where they’d fit.

I was working toward letting go of the anger I held for him and Leah, but being alone with them reminded me of the depth of what we used to have together.

I was trapped between the roles of wife and sister-in-law, and neither of those positions felt right to me.

So, where did that leave us? What was he to me now?

Just a friend? My child’s father? It was hard to see him as only those things when he’d always been that and so much more.

Quinton sat on the sofa, turned on the television, and made himself at home.

I guess, in a way, Mama’s house was just as much home for Quinton as it was for me.

While we were dating, Mama and Daddy didn’t allow me to visit Quinton at his grandparents’ house.

That was because his grandparents were rarely home.

It wasn’t like they asked to raise another child.

They were retired and spent a lot of time fishing and traveling.

As soon as Quinton was old enough to stay at home alone, not legally, but maturity-wise, his grandparents had no problem leaving for a few days, trusting that he’d get himself ready for school, which he always did.

I didn’t know any of this until we were much older.

Quinton kept a lot about his home life to himself, but after he told me, I understood why he always devoured Mama’s food like it was his last meal.

Because I needed a little extra comfort, I curled into Daddy’s recliner and wished I could get a whiff of his smell. I needed to know a piece of him was still there, but his smell was gone.

“You wanna talk about it?” Quinton asked.

“Talk about what?”

“What happened tonight.”

I shrugged. “There’s nothing to talk about. I guess I overestimated myself. I went to lunch with Mama, and that felt good. Then I went to the youth center with Lance, and that felt good. I thought I was ready to keep going, but I wasn’t.”

I didn’t miss how Quinton’s body language changed at the mention of Lance’s name. I thought of my first session with Dr. Yvonne when I told her about my feelings toward Quinton and Lance and how a part of me blamed them, even though I knew they weren’t at fault.

“I’m not a therapist, but something Dr. Yvonne told me made me think about you and your feelings toward Lance.”

“I try not to feel anything toward Lance,” Quinton said.

“But you do, and I don’t think you’re upset with Lance.”

He narrowed his eyes.