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“Did your dad and Teeah tell you how I used to always have to referee the two of them?”

Skye’s eyes wouldn’t meet mine. “No, they didn’t tell me.”

“It’s good to see that things have changed between them, though. That makes me happy.”

“It does?” She seemed shocked. Skye bit her bottom lip like I used to do whenever I was nervous.

It was so hard to watch the uneasiness that I caused her to have.

She should’ve felt more comfortable with me than anyone else.

I should’ve been the person she ran to to feel better, but instead, I was the one who made her uncomfortable.

“But prom, huh?” I said, wanting to erase whatever caused her mood to change. “That’ll be fun. Are you taking someone special?”

Skye laughed. “Are you kidding? I was barely able to go. Going with a date would’ve been pushing it.”

Quinton had changed a lot when I heard about him from Skye’s point of view.

Then the thought hit me. Maybe he was so strict because of me, which meant that I was the reason Skye had so many complaints about her life.

I didn’t like that. Yes, I wanted her to be safe, but I also wanted her to live her life.

I didn’t want Quinton to scar her the way Adam scarred me.

I hated that the world felt like a scary place to me when it never did when I was Skye’s age.

She shouldn’t have to miss out because one man decided to steal a life that wasn’t his to take.

I didn’t think I could hate Adam any more than I already did, but it was possible, because I could feel the hate growing inside me.

Ruining my life was one thing, but ruining Skye’s was different, and I wasn’t going to stand by and allow him to have an impact on her or Quinton any longer.

“Now that I’m back, maybe I can talk with your dad, too, and see if I can get through to him.”

Skye’s eyes grew. “Really? Oh my gawd, that’ll be so great. I bet he’ll listen to you.”

“Well, I don’t know about that, but I’ll do whatever I can to help you.”

That was enough to lift Skye’s mood once again, and we spent the rest of the time talking about school, basketball, and her best friend Ava, who she’d been friends with since middle school.

“There’s nothing like having a best friend. I hope the two of you can stay friends forever,” I said as my mind flashed back to all the fun times Lance and I had.

What had become a barely there ache over time was starting to hurt a lot more now that I was out. I was returning to a world where I had no husband, no father, and no best friend. But I reminded myself that I wasn’t alone. I had Mama, Skye, and Leah, and they were more than enough for me.

I hated it when my time with Skye ended. Dr. Lee set up an appointment for me to meet with Dr. Harris, a psychologist, who was there to do something he called a debriefing.

Dr. Harris looked like one of those women who never left home without their face fully made. She looked like the exact opposite of me. I never liked makeup, maybe because I was always sweating from playing sports. Leah and Mama were just like Dr. Harris.

“It’s so nice to meet you.” Dr. Harris stood in front of me but at a distance.

I assumed everyone was told I didn’t like it when people were too close.

Not people I don’t know. “Mind if I sit?” Dr. Harris pointed to the chair next to the bed.

She sat when I nodded. “Did Dr. Lee explain why we do the debriefing?” Her voice was proper and soft.

I nodded. “To check my mental state or something like that.”

“That’s right. You’ve spent years in a situation that most people couldn’t even imagine being in.

Going through something like that for so long has to have taken its toll on you.

This is your time to share and say whatever you’d like to get out.

No one is here to judge you or to tell you what you can and cannot say. ”

“I don’t know what y’all want me to say. I was kidnapped, and I’ve lived in a room for fifteen years. Was it hard? Yes, but after a while, it just becomes a part of your life.”

My thoughts swirled like a storm, battering against the walls that I’d built around myself.

Walls that this lady was trying to break through, but there was no way I was going to allow anyone to get that close to me.

My thoughts and feelings were only for me.

Besides, what was I supposed to say that this woman didn’t already know?

That I was hurt? Angry? Upset? Betrayed?

That every time I thought about all the birthdays and milestones I’d missed with my daughter, I wanted to scream?

That the thought of never seeing my father again hurt so much that I could barely breathe?

Was that what she wanted to hear? Or maybe she wanted to hear about the numbness that had settled in my bones and had become a part of my identity.

Or the emptiness that left me like a shell of the person I used to be.

Or maybe she needed to hear how even though I was free, I still felt like a ghost, like someone lurking unseen in the shadows while everyone else lived and laughed and went on with their lives. Was that what she wanted?

Dr. Harris nodded as if she was waiting for me to say more.

“I don’t want to keep talking about being in that room, or that house, or that man. I don’t see how that’s going to help me move forward.”

“I understand. Okay, we don’t have to talk about that. Let’s talk about your life now. Do you have any questions for me? Is there any way I can help to make this transition easier for you?”

I thought about her question for a minute. “I do have one question. When will this feel real? When will I stop waiting for him to come back or to wake me up? Will I ever feel safe again?”

“Nova, I’m not going to sugarcoat it. What you’ve experienced has left emotional scars that are going to take time to heal.

Feeling this is all unreal, even when reality is staring us in the face, is normal.

In fact, I’d be concerned if you didn’t feel that way.

Your mind is going to need time to process all of this. ”

“So even when I’m home, I’ll still feel like this?”

“You’ll probably have lingering fears and anxieties.

You have to remember that for years, your mind has been in a state of hypervigilance.

I’m going to refer you to a good friend of mine in Baton Rouge.

I promise if you work with her, she can help you address those intrusive thoughts, and she’ll give you techniques to help you reframe your perception of safety.

Like I said, it’s going to take time, but she’ll be there to help you navigate through this journey. ”

I had to admit that I didn’t like the idea of having to work with anyone after I left there.

When I made it home, I wished I could pretend that the last fifteen years never happened.

Even though Skye was a visible reminder that so much time had passed.

My daughter was perfect in every way, but my heart mourned for the little baby I used to rock to sleep at night.

The chubby-cheeked baby who would cry if I was out of her sight for two seconds.

“In the meantime,” Dr. Harris continued, “I want to give you a technique to use whenever you start to question if this is real. You’re going to engage your senses. Physical sensations don’t exist in dreams, so you’re going to use touch to anchor yourself. Do you want to try it?”

“Okay.”

Dr. Harris smiled. “Great.” She looked as if my willingness to cooperate shocked her.

She seemed nice, but I didn’t want to push my luck with her.

At any moment, things could change. People could change.

One minute they could be nice, and then seconds later, they’d have you pinned down to the bed, daring you to misbehave again.

My heart raced as I saw the terror in my eyes staring back at me through my memories.

“Nova, it’s okay. Breathe. Just breathe.

You’re safe. You’re okay.” Her soothing voice eventually broke through the panic that held me hostage.

I did as she instructed, then wiped the sweat from my forehead.

Dr. Harris gave me some time to compose myself, but she never left her chair.

She sat quietly until I told her I was ready to continue.

In that same quiet, soothing voice, she continued with the exercise. “I want you to pick up the remote control. Now close your eyes and rub your hand across it. Try not to think about anything except how the remote feels.”

I did as she asked, fighting against the urge to mentally go back into that room. It was hard to keep my mind on the remote. The more I fought to only focus on it, the harder it became. I opened my eyes. “I can’t do it. I can’t close my eyes without being back in that room.”

Dr. Harris nodded. “It’s okay. How about I show you some breathing exercises you can do whenever your thoughts start to feel too real? Is that okay?”

I nodded. If breathing exercises would help to keep my mind in the present, then I’d do them all day long. All I wanted was to focus on being with my family again and eventually getting back home.