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Nova

I couldn’t pretend that I was happy about my appointment with Dr. Yvonne.

During our short session yesterday, which she called a meet and greet, she didn’t ask about anything that Adam had done to me, and I was thankful because I hated talking about that.

Living it was bad enough, but talking about it wasn’t much better.

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to talk about?” I looked over at Dr. Yvonne, who sat in a chair while I sat on the sofa in the living room.

Mama left to run some errands and to give us some privacy. I told her she didn’t have to leave because I didn’t plan on talking about anything that she couldn’t hear or didn’t already know about, but I could tell that Dr. Yvonne wanted Mama to go.

“Sometimes it’s hard for people to open up around family members,” she explained after Mama left.

“Open up about what?” I asked, twisting my finger around the edge of the scarf, but stopping as soon as I remembered the horror from yesterday.

“About anything you’d like,” she said.

“Skye’s coming over today,” I said, sharing information about the only person I cared to talk about. “I haven’t seen her in a couple days, so I’m glad she’s stopping by after school.”

I talked more about Skye and how much fun we had that night until Leah ruined it, but I left that last part out because it was all about Skye.

“Well, it seems that our session is almost up,” Dr. Yvonne announced after looking at her watch. “I have an assignment for you.” She removed her glasses. “I want you to set a goal. What’s one thing you want to accomplish this week?”

I gave it some thought, but I didn’t have to think long because it was the one thing I’d wanted to accomplish since I’d left that room. “I want to leave the house,” I told her.

“Okay. Then I want you to work on doing that. Even if you only get as far as the end of the lane before you have to turn around. It’s still farther than you’ve been, right?”

I nodded as the thought of driving away from the house caused the horses that lived in my chest to start galloping all over the place. “Okay,” I managed to say.

I walked Dr. Yvonne to the door after our session was done.

I stood in the doorway and watched as she drove away without a care in the world.

She wasn’t worried about anything happening to her.

Or, if she was, it didn’t stop her from going.

That was what I wanted. That was the kind of freedom I wanted to feel again.

Dr. Yvonne wasn’t gone long before Mama came back. “Nova, I have a surprise for you,” she said, smiling as she walked through the door.

“I don’t like surprises,” I reminded her.

“It’s not a real surprise. I called your cousin Bianca. You remember Bianca? She’s your second or third cousin. I can’t remember right now, but Bianca’s a beautician. The shop she works at isn’t open on Mondays, so I asked if she’d mind coming over and doing your hair for you.”

I touched the silk scarf that I was ready to get rid of. Even though I hated that Leah did my hair for me, it was the only time I felt like a real person again. I hated that anyone had to see what I’d done to my hair. It was bad enough that Lance had seen it.

“I told her I’ll let her know if you’re okay with her coming,” Mama said.

“I don’t know ...” Then I thought about Skye. The last thing I wanted was for her to see what I’d done. I wanted to look like someone Skye would be proud to call her mom. Not someone she’d be embarrassed to be seen with. “Yes, I want her to come. How soon can she get here? How long will it take?”

“I don’t know how long it’ll take, but she only lives about five minutes up the road. She’s waiting for me to call.”

“Call her now.”

Mama was right. It seemed like she’d just hung up the phone when a car pulled up to the house.

I looked out the window and saw a short, stocky woman with purple hair pulling a black bag out of the car.

Bianca was quite a few years younger than me, so we weren’t close.

Her dad and my dad were cousins, but like Mama, I didn’t remember which number they were.

In Bayou, it never mattered, though. A cousin was a cousin, no matter if it was first or fifth.

Bianca, like most of the people on Dad’s side of the family, talked a lot. She told me about everyone she thought I should’ve known, even though I didn’t. I listened and pretended to be interested, but my mind was on Skye and hoping Bianca would be done before Skye made it.

“I’m glad I grabbed all my products,” she said, squeezing something into her hands.

“I forgot that you and Leah both have 3A hair. I can’t tell for sure without testing it, but y’all have those loose curls.

A lot of my clients have 4C or 4D hair,” she continued as if I had any idea what she was talking about.

Since when did hair come in numbers? I started to ask but didn’t. I had a feeling it was more information than I needed to know. There were more important things I had to learn about, and hair wasn’t one of them.

“How is Leah, anyway?” Bianca asked, massaging the product into my freshly cut and washed hair.

Her fingers felt good until she asked about Leah. That name soured everything.

“I don’t know. I haven’t talked with Leah,” I said, praying she would move on to something else. At that point, I wanted to hear about another cousin I didn’t know.

Bianca laughed. “I remember when I was little, I used to want to be y’all’s little sister so bad.

Y’all were so pretty and so stylish. I used to beg my daddy to bring me around here so I could play with y’all.

Not that you wanted to play with me. I mean, you were, what, in middle or high school when I was still in elementary. ”

“Yeah,” I said.

“I used to do Leah’s hair all the time, but I think she does it herself now. Or maybe she found someone in Baton Rouge to do it. It always looks nice, though.”

“Did you know that Leah and Quinton were married?” I asked.

I couldn’t see her face, but I felt the stiffness in the air that my question caused.

“Um . . . yeah.”

“And did you remember that I was married to Quinton first?” I continued.

“Yeah ...” she said, her voice lowering to barely a whisper. “I didn’t know if you knew, though, so I didn’t ...”

“I know, and I don’t want to talk about Leah, I don’t want to hear about Leah, and I don’t care about Leah,” I said, my fingernails digging into the palms of my hands.

Bianca continued working in silence. “All done,” she finally said, placing a hand mirror in front of me.

“Oh wow!” I said, turning my head from one side to the other.

My hair was short and curly, and I loved it. I didn’t think I’d like short hair on me, but I never knew for sure. I looked different. In comparison to the braids, it wasn’t a good different or bad different. Just different.

Mama came downstairs as Bianca was packing up her things. Her eyes were wide, and her mouth flew open. “Oh my, Nova,” she said, smiling so hard she could hardly talk. “You look amazing.”

“You can have these,” Bianca said, pointing to the products she used in my hair. “Use the daily moisturizer every morning and a little of this gel—not much, just a little dab,” she explained.

“Let me go grab my purse,” Mama said, turning to go upstairs.

“No, you don’t have to pay me,” Bianca said.

“Nonsense. You’re working on your day off. Of course, I’m paying you.”

“You may as well let her pay because she’s not going to let you leave until she does,” I said, standing and pushing the chair back underneath the table. “Thank you so much. And I’m sorry for snapping at you. I was just ... It’s hard talking about Leah.” I swallowed the lump that her name caused.

Bianca reached over and grabbed my hand. “I understand. Believe it or not, I’ve gone through something similar. It wasn’t my sister, though. It was my best friend. I don’t talk with her or want to hear about her either.” She smiled, but it didn’t get rid of the sadness in her eyes.

“You still miss your friend?” I asked.

She nodded. “I do, but it is what it is, you know?”

Would I always miss Leah, or would the pain of not having her in my life eventually go away?

“Here we go.” Mama came back and pushed some money into Bianca’s hand.

By the time Skye came, I’d changed into jeans and a long-sleeved shirt. I’d even put on a little makeup and lip gloss like I did when I had the braids.

When Skye walked through the door, still dressed in her practice uniform, her reaction to my new hair was the same as Mama’s.

“I’m so jealous,” she said, tugging at one of her braids. “I want my hair cut so bad, but Daddy would have a fit.”

I knew that to be true. Quinton was one of the biggest reasons why I never cut my hair.

He loved my long hair. I guessed it was probably why Leah didn’t cut hers anymore.

She used to always chop hers off and let it grow back.

As long as her hair was now, I was sure she hadn’t cut it since she and Quinton started .

.. I couldn’t finish the thought. It was too hard.

“I think you’d look great with short hair,” I told Skye.

“I know I would. My friend Amber has this short wig. I tried it on one day, and I loved it on me.”

“Then you should do it,” I told her. “We can call Bianca. I’m sure she wouldn’t mind doing your hair too.”

“Cousin Bianca did your hair? I should’ve known. She’s so good. She goes to the hair shows in Atlanta and everything. She does makeup too. She can beat a face better than anyone I know.”

“What?” I gasped.

Skye laughed. “Not literally. It means she’ll have your makeup looking flawless.”

I pretended to understand but couldn’t get my mind to connect a beat face with flawless makeup.

“So, what do you think?” I asked. “Do you want me to get Gran to call Cousin Bianca?”

“What?” Skye smiled. “No way. I’d have to check with Dad and Tee ...” She looked away from me.

As much as it pained me to say it, I had no choice. “It’s okay. You can say Teeah’s name.”

“I know, but—”