Page 33

“Sure.” I pointed toward the back of the house. “You wanna go out back?”

He held out his hand as if to say, “After you.”

“I was out here earlier talking to my therapist ... Well, doctor, actually. She’s a psychiatrist. Can you believe it? I have a psychiatrist. What does that say about me?” I chuckled nervously. I wasn’t sure why I shared all of that with him, but it didn’t feel wrong.

“It says that you’re smart enough to let someone help you. The world would be a better place if more people did that.”

Needing to change the subject, I asked, “So, what did you want to talk about?”

“Yesterday.” He rubbed his hands together. “You said something that I couldn’t stop thinking about.”

“I did? What?” The only thing I clearly remembered about yesterday was what was said to me. “Quinton and I are married,” Leah’s voice played in my mind.

“You said that you blamed me for what happened to you. Nova, I had no idea that ...”

I held up my hand. “No, Lance, listen.” I exhaled, then twisted the hanging edge of my headscarf around my finger. “I did blame you, but a huge part of me knew that it wasn’t your fault. It was easier to blame you than myself.”

“Why would you blame yourself? Nova, no one is to blame for what happened to you except the guy who kidnapped you. He’s the only bad guy in that situation.”

“I know, but . . .”

“No buts. You had every right to leave out of your hotel room, go to the bar for drinks, and make it back to your room unbothered. The fact that you didn’t isn’t because of anything you did wrong.”

“Everyone keeps saying that. Maybe one day I’ll get it.” I tried to unwind my finger from the edge of the scarf, but somehow, I pulled the scarf off my head.

Lance’s eyes shot up to my hair. I waited for the laugh I knew was going to explode through him, but it never came.

“You cut your hair?” Not even a hint of a smile played on his face.

“Something like that.” I frantically tried to untie the scarf, which was now in a knot. My hands were shaking. I couldn’t lift my eyes to look at Lance even if I wanted to.

The next thing I knew, Lance had taken the seat right beside me.

He reached over and removed the scarf from my hands, which were still shaking.

After he untied the knot, I waited for him to give it back, but he didn’t.

He stood. “May I?” he asked, holding the scarf, already folded and ready to go over my head.

I twisted my body to the side so my back was to him. That was when it happened. My heart pounded, but the rest of my body froze. As soon as he put the scarf on my head, I jerked around, then jumped from my seat.

“What’s wrong? Are you okay?” He held up his hands.

I tried to speak while trying to remind myself to breathe. It’s Lance, I told myself. It’s just Lance. I tied the scarf over my head. “I’m okay,” I told him, still struggling for air.

“You don’t sound okay.” He took a step back. “Do you need to go inside? I can get you some water.” He took another step back toward the house.

“No. No, I’ll be fine. I just need a minute,” I said, focusing my attention on the white fence that lined the yard.

Once I was able to speak, I turned to him.

“It’s okay. You can sit.” He seemed hesitant at first, which made me feel even worse.

He didn’t do anything wrong, but he was acting like he had, and that was because of me.

“I think being out here and talking with you almost made me feel like I was normal again. Then, when my back was to you, I kept thinking ...”

“Thinking what?” he asked.

I couldn’t say the words out loud. I couldn’t tell him that I expected him to hurt me because I wasn’t waiting on him . I was waiting on Adam, but Adam wasn’t there, and if I told Lance that, he’d think something was wrong with me, and he wouldn’t be wrong.

“I just wanted to do it myself,” I said, knowing he’d never believe that, but he didn’t push the issue.

“Nova.”

All he said was my name, and that was all it took for the dam that had built inside me to erupt.

I’d held it together all day, but ever since I was a little girl, Lance had always been the person I could cry to and not feel ridiculous.

Of course, there was Leah, too, but once I knew how much Leah hated Quinton—which was laughable now—and after she made it clear she didn’t care for him, I stopped telling her about little fights we’d have.

I knew she didn’t want to hear it. Lance probably didn’t, either, but he never let on that it bothered him, so I kept sharing.

Lance leaned closer and pulled me into him. “Everything’s going to be okay, Nova,” he whispered.

I pulled myself together and wiped my eyes. “Leah told me that she and Quinton are married.” I could barely say the words without bursting into tears again.

“Oh.” That was all Lance could say.

That was when I remembered something he’d said yesterday. “Is that what you meant when you said I’m not the one keeping secrets from you? Were you talking about Leah and Quinton?”

Lance lowered his head, then looked at me. “Yeah, but that was childish, and I shouldn’t have said it. Quinton just gets to me sometimes.”

I thought about that night in the hotel room.

I needed to leave because of that very reason.

I loved Quinton ... had loved Quinton .

.. or maybe it was still love. I had no idea anymore, and it didn’t matter now.

When his wife was a faceless person, I was open to the idea that maybe there was a chance, but not only did his wife have a face, at one time our faces looked very similar.

“But anyway,” Lance continued, “I wanted to ask how you’re doing after finding out, but I guess I already know.” He glanced down at the spot on his cotton shirt where my tears were still evident.

“Sorry.” I reached over and wiped the spot, as if that would help.

“I’m kidding. It’s all good.” He smiled, showing off his deep dimples that I used to stick the eraser end of pencils in.

“So,” I said, straightening my back and wiping away any leftover moisture that was still around my eyes. “Enough about all that. I want to know about you. How’s your life been?” I gasped when I remembered his sister. “Carmen. How is she?”

“Carmen’s good. Still aggravating as hell, but other than that, she’s doing great. She lives in Texas now, but you wouldn’t know it as often as she’s here.”

“I’d love to see her one day.”

“She’s coming back this weekend to do a gender reveal for her best friend.”

“What in the world is a gender reveal?”

Lance laughed. “That’s what I asked when I first heard of it.

It’s like a baby shower, but the parents reveal the sex of the baby.

Carmen said that some people cut a cake, and if the inside is pink, it’s a girl, and if it’s blue, it’s a boy, but they have different ways of announcing it.

” Lance reached into his jeans pocket and pulled out his cell phone.

“Look, I’ll show you.” He found a video on his phone and gave it to me to watch.

The video showed different couples finding out the sex of their baby, so, apparently, the gender wasn’t just revealed to their family and friends.

Everyone was surprised when they saw pink or blue balloons flying from a box or the cannon with pink or blue smoke.

It was obvious that these gender reveals were a big deal.

Once I’d seen enough, I gave Lance his phone back.

“I still don’t get it. When I was pregnant with Skye, all I did was tell Mama I was having a girl, and fifteen minutes later, everyone in Bayou knew.

” I held on to that memory and the warm feeling that flowed through me when I thought about being pregnant with Skye.

I could honestly say that other than my wedding day, finding out I was having a baby girl was one of the best days of my life.

“Yeah, I remember my grandma called and told me.” Lance rubbed his hands against his jeans, then cleared his throat.

I didn’t know what to say. Lance and I weren’t friends then, so I didn’t call him and tell him that I was having a baby.

I knew his mom had told him, though. She and Mama were good friends, and I had no doubt that his mom kept him as informed on my life as Mama had kept me informed on his.

Mama and Daddy loved Quinton like a son, but it wasn’t the same as the love they had for Lance.

He was truly like one of theirs, and neither of them was pleased when they heard that we weren’t friends anymore.

To this day, I still didn’t know how they’d found out.

It wasn’t like Lance and I announced it.

“I’m sorry,” I said softly. “I’m surprised you’re even talking to me after the way I hurt you back then.”

“Hey, you were in love. I didn’t expect you to choose me over Quinton.”

“I shouldn’t have had to,” I said, voicing what I’d always felt.

“Listen,” Lance said, “we have all the time in the world to discuss past choices and mistakes or what have you. I’m just happy to have you back now.”

“Me too.” I leaned over and rested my head on Lance’s shoulder like I used to when life felt heavy. Of course, back then, nothing was as heavy as the load I’d been carrying around the past fifteen years. “I missed you so much.”

“I missed you, too, Nova Boo.”

A laugh from the deepest part of my stomach flew through my mouth.

“Nova Boo. Wow, I’d forgotten all about that.

” He started calling me that when he was at our house one day, and Mama was fussing about someone who’d worked her nerves.

She said the person was such a bugaboo. Lance had never heard that word before, and when Mama told him she called all annoying people that, the name Nova Boo was born.

The only difference between Mama’s people and me was that I annoyed Lance on purpose.

It was fun. The first time I heard Destiny’s Child’s song “Bug a Boo” was after our friendship had ended.

That was one of the worst times ever. I couldn’t escape that song for nothing.

It was played on the radio, on television, at parties .

.. everywhere. The more I heard it, the bigger the pain of missing him grew.

Lance’s visit was what I needed that day.

Even though I knew the day would come when we’d have to talk about the hurt I caused him and myself, I was relieved that he didn’t want to deal with it today.

Today, we stuck to safe subjects for the rest of our visit, which meant not talking about Leah or Quinton, and I was fine with that.