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Leah

Leah couldn’t move. She wanted to. She really wanted to, but how could she when she was sure her heart had disconnected from the rest of her body? Was it possible to be living and dead at the same time? Because dead was how she felt on the inside.

“Leah. Sit down.” Martha took her hand and pulled her into the living room.

As if on autopilot, Leah followed behind her mom.

I hate you ... I hate you ... I hate you.

That was what Nova said, wasn’t it? Leah was sure she’d heard her sister say those words to her.

No one had ever told her that they hated her, and Nova would’ve been the last person she’d expect to hear that from.

“I knew she’d be upset.” Leah rubbed her chest. There was a tingling that wouldn’t go away. Was she having a heart attack? How could she when Nova had snatched her heart out and thrown it away?

“Are you okay?” Martha sat beside Leah.

“Yes,” Leah said, her breathing hard and labored. “I’m ... fine.”

“You don’t sound fine. Let me get you a glass of water.” Martha stood.

Leah grabbed her mom’s hand. “No. Don’t go. Sit with me.”

Martha did as Leah asked. Leah needed her mom to tell her that everything was going to be okay, but she’d never ask her mom to lie to her. Everything wasn’t going to be okay because Nova hated her.

“I don’t know what to do. How do I make this right?” Leah asked, or rather begged. When she was a child, she couldn’t wait to grow up so her parents couldn’t tell her what to do. Now it was all she wanted.

“There’s nothing you can do but give her some time,” Martha advised. “She needs to cool off, and maybe then she’ll be ready to hear what you have to say.”

“Or it could give her time to decide that she really does hate me,” Leah said, afraid that too much time and space could backfire on her.

“She doesn’t hate you. Her heart is wounded. A wounded heart makes an angry tongue. Remember, I used to tell you girls that all the time whenever you’d get into it with one of your friends.”

Leah did remember. Of course, back then the angry tongues didn’t mean as much to her as Nova’s did. Her sister was her whole world. She couldn’t lose her. Not again.

Footsteps on the stairs caused Leah and Martha to turn in that direction. Leah’s heart thumped with anticipation, hoping it was Nova coming back to talk.

“Can I come down now?” Skye asked.

Martha waved Skye over. “I think Teeah can use some support.”

When Skye sat, Martha stood. “I need to go and check on your sister.” She looked back at Leah. “You’re going to be okay. Our family will heal from this. God didn’t get us this far to let everything fall apart. You have to believe that.”

Leah nodded, but she didn’t believe it. Her faith was never as strong as her mom’s.

Disappointment after disappointment made it hard to believe that everything would work out when sometimes it didn’t.

What if this was one of the times when it wouldn’t?

When Leah and Quinton married, Leah went against her mom’s wishes.

Every action came with a consequence. Sometimes it was good, and sometimes it wasn’t.

Experiencing the unbelievable miracle of having Nova back just to lose her again felt like a harsher punishment than Leah felt she deserved.

How much was she expected to pay for her disobedience? Wasn’t the hysterectomy enough?

“Teeah?” Skye laid her head on Leah’s shoulder. “Gran’s right, you know? You’re going to be okay. We all are.”

Leah leaned her head on top of Skye’s and embraced the overwhelming feeling of love.

Nova was in her room, hurt and broken, while her daughter was downstairs comforting Leah.

That should’ve made Leah feel good. Skye chose her.

But that would only matter if it were a competition.

Leah and Nova never competed. That wasn’t their relationship.

They were always too busy celebrating with each other to compete.

“Are we still spending the night?” Skye asked, lifting her head long enough to ask the question, then laying it down again.

“Do you want to?” Leah knew it was best for her to leave, but if Skye wanted to stay, there was no way Nova would reject her.

“I’d rather go home.”

Leah patted Skye’s leg. “Then let’s go.”

Their bags were in the corner of the living room. Leah held hers on her shoulder and dug in her purse for the keys. Once she pulled them out, she looked at Skye, who was standing by the door waiting. “You mind going up and telling Gran we’re leaving? I don’t want to upset Nova any more tonight.”

Skye dropped her bag and ran upstairs. She wasn’t there long before she came back down. Her body drooped as she slowly made her way back downstairs.

“What’s wrong?” Leah asked, her stomach clenched.

“Gran’s really upset.” Skye looked upstairs, then back at Leah. She lowered her voice. “She’s in her room crying.”

Leah put her things down.

“No, she said to tell you to drive safely and let her know when we make it home. I don’t think she wants you to come up there,” Skye said.

As badly as Leah wanted to comfort her mom, she also wanted to honor her wishes. She’d caused enough trouble for one night, so the least she could do was leave before she made things worse.

Leah was very familiar with the dark, narrow road that led out of Bayou.

She should’ve been, since she’d been driving it since before she was legally able to drive.

Unlike her mom, her dad was a risk-taker, which he’d proven when he’d allowed both Leah and Nova to drive him around Bayou since they were in elementary school and barely able to see over the steering wheel.

Tonight, though, the road was too dark and too narrow since her tears had stolen part of her sight.

“Teeah, are you sure you don’t want me to drive?” Skye offered.

Leah lifted the top of her T-shirt to her eyes and wiped away the tears, which did no good since a steady flow was falling right after those were gone. “I’m fine,” she said, her voice failing to convince either of them that she truly was.

Skye didn’t offer any more words of comfort. She touched Leah’s shoulder, which, for Leah, said enough.

Her mom and Skye wanted her to believe that Nova’s words were out of anger, but Leah knew Nova.

She may have changed over the years, but when it came to her words, her sister was still the same as Leah remembered.

She didn’t say anything that she didn’t mean unless it was to save her life, like when she was in the room with Adam.

When she told Leah she hated her, she meant it. Maybe not forever, but for tonight.

“I’ve never seen you this upset before.” Skye’s normal, upbeat tone was replaced by a quaver that Leah hadn’t expected.

“Skye.” Leah struggled to say her name without breaking down even more. The pain she heard in Skye’s voice was overwhelming. Everything was a mess, and it was all Leah’s fault—Nova’s pain, Skye’s hurt, and Martha’s distress as a mother.

Leah was tangled in her thoughts for the rest of the ride home.

Should she have waited to tell Nova? But how could she when she saw where Nova’s thoughts were going?

She didn’t care that he had a wife. She wanted to explore the possibility that something was still there.

Leah would’ve felt even worse knowing she’d allowed Nova to think that could happen when Leah knew the truth.

She did know the truth, right? Then she remembered Nova’s words.

“We didn’t end our relationship. It was snatched away from us, and you weren’t here earlier. You didn’t see what I saw or felt what I felt. Quinton still loves me, and I believe a part of me still loves him too.”

What did he say? What did he do to cause her to feel that way? Those were questions she needed Quinton to answer.

Nova’s words haunted her until she pulled into her driveway. Leah parked and stared at her house. The blinds were closed, and all Leah could think about was Quinton in bed, sleeping peacefully, unaware that his world, like hers, was about to change forever.

“Skye.” Leah shook Skye awake. “We’re home, sweetie.”

Skye reached down and picked up her backpack, which she used as her overnight bag, and opened the door.

Leah didn’t have the energy to bring anything inside except herself.

Leah and Skye moved slowly through the house and up the stairs.

No words were spoken as they gave each other a quick kiss and a tight hug, much tighter than their normal good-night hugs. But this was no normal night.

Leah opened her bedroom door and was greeted by a pitch-black room.

She couldn’t sleep without some type of noise, either the TV or radio.

Something had to be playing in the background, or her mind would fill in the silence, and Leah would find herself up all night staring at the ceiling.

Quinton, on the other hand, preferred a dark, quiet room.

It didn’t take long before he adjusted to Leah’s need for sound.

Quinton stirred when Leah turned on the lamp that sat on the nightstand. He narrowed his eyes to give them a minute to adjust to the light. Once they did, he sat up straight. “Leah. What ...” He looked toward the window. “What time is it?”

“Midnight.” She sat on the bed next to him.

“What happened? Why aren’t you at your mom’s?”

“Quinton.” His name was all she was able to get out before she broke down again.

“Leah, what’s wrong? What happened? Where’s Skye?” He scrambled from underneath the covers.

“She’s fine.” Leah reached for his hand as he tried to get out of the bed. “Skye’s in her bedroom.”

“What happened to the sleepover?”

“I told Nova.” Leah bit her bottom lip.

“Told Nova what?”

“About us. I told her the truth.”

“Why? We said after we talked with Dr. Yvonne. We said we would go to her together. What happened?”

“I know, and I wanted to wait, I really did, but ...”

“But what?” Impatience coated his words.

“What happened when you went over there earlier?” Leah asked.

Quinton’s brows dipped. He shook his head. “Nothing. I told you I tried to talk to her about Lance.”

“Anything else?”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know, but whatever you said or did gave her the impression that there was possibly something still there between the two of you. She started telling me how she thought the two of you should spend more time together to see if what she’s feeling is true.”

Quinton stood. He clasped his hands on top of his head. “That doesn’t make sense. She knows I’m married even if she didn’t know it was to you.”

“And she didn’t care about the wife that you were obviously embarrassed by, since you never brought her around.” Leah held up both hands. “That’s what she said. When I saw that nothing I said was going to get through to her, I had no choice but to tell her the truth.”

Quinton sat back on the bed. His head dropped into his hands. He stayed that way for several agonizing minutes.

Leah’s stomach coiled into knots. Was he upset with her?

With his body still leaning forward, Quinton turned his head in her direction—just enough for her to hear his words but not enough for her to look into his eyes—or for him to look into hers.

“How’s Nova?” he asked. “Never mind; I know how she is. Upset, obviously.” He sat upright.

“Yes. She’s upset. She’s angry. And she’s hurt.” Leah paused before adding, “But so am I. Me. Your wife. I’m hurt. I’m hurt, Quinton,” Leah cried. She repeated the words, and each time she sobbed harder.

Quinton erased the space between them and pulled her into his arms. He held her tight. “Okay, babe. Okay. I know you’re hurting.”

Leah pushed herself out of his embrace. “Then why don’t you act like it?

I get why you asked about Nova, but for once, can you check on me first?

I just want to be someone’s number one. Is that too much?

” Leah spoke words that she’d never said out loud.

Never even realized it bothered her until that moment.

It was how her life had always been, and she accepted that for what it was, but tonight that wasn’t good enough.

“What do you mean? You are my number one.” He said words she wished she believed, but they both knew that she wasn’t.

“Mom was Daddy’s number one. Nova was Mom’s number one.

Mom would say that’s not true, but everyone knew it.

Nova’s the oldest, she and Mom had a bond that I never had, and I was okay with that because I knew that one day I’d have a family of my own, and I’d be someone’s number one, but Skye’s your number one.

As she should be,” Leah added quickly before Quinton could dispute it.

“She’s your baby girl, and for years she was all you had, but the reality is that I’ve never been anyone’s number one. ”

“Leah.” That was all he said. He didn’t deny it, and he didn’t protest it because how could he?

“Actually, I’m wrong. There was a time before you and Nova started dating when I was her number one. I always knew if no one else in the world loved me, my sister did.” Leah paused because the lump in her throat blocked her words. “But now she hates me.”

“She doesn’t hate you, Leah.”

“She literally said I hate you .”

“You know what they say about hurt people. She wanted to hurt you as much as she was hurting,” Quinton explained.

Leah shook her head. “You didn’t see her eyes when she spoke those words. She may as well have been looking at Adam. That’s the level of sincerity she held in her eyes. She really does hate me.”