Page 45

Nova

Lance and I had gone for a walk every day this week.

Always early in the morning before too many people were out and about.

In the evenings, when Skye stopped by, she’d fill me in on her practice.

The more time I spent with Skye, the more time I wanted.

That was why today I was going out with Mama.

There still wouldn’t be a lot of people out since it was Friday, and people were still at work.

Mama said Bayou was pretty dead during the day since a lot of people worked in Baton Rouge.

It wasn’t like there were very many jobs in Bayou, so it made sense for people to commute to the city for work.

“You look beautiful,” Mama said as she stood at the bathroom door, her hair pulled back in a ponytail, showing off her high cheekbones, which she’d lightly dusted with blush.

I wondered if I was the only person who thought Mama looked young for her age. Or maybe I didn’t know what a sixty-year-old woman should look like.

“Not as gorgeous as you look,” I told her.

Mama said it was a beautiful day and we should go out for lunch.

I wanted to have something more to share with Dr. Yvonne on Monday, so lunch today was a perfect idea.

I kept reminding myself of Lance’s advice to drown out the noise.

All the negative thoughts that tried to make me believe something bad would happen.

I also reminded myself that this was Bayou.

Nothing bad happened in Bayou. I was safe here, with Mama and Lance and all the other people who thought of me as family. They wouldn’t hurt me.

We pulled in front of Bayou Café, and the parking lot was fairly empty, like Mama said it would be.

When I stepped inside, it felt like I’d stepped back into the past. I’d spent so much time in that café.

Quinton used to bring me once Mama and Daddy finally started letting me go out on dates.

It wasn’t fancy, but it was all he could afford as a broke high school student.

“Nova! Oh my gosh.” The short, thin lady behind the counter put her hands over her mouth. I immediately recognized her as Ms. Dot, short for Dorothy. Her eyes watered as she continued staring at me.

“Hey, Ms. Dot.” I walked closer to the counter.

“It is so good to see you.” Her voice cracked. “So ... so ... good.”

“It’s really good to see you too,” I said, and it was.

Ms. Dot wiped her eyes. “Grab yourselves a table wherever you like, and someone will be over to take your order,” Ms. Dot instructed.

“Thank you, Dot. I’m glad you’re feeling better,” Mama said to Ms. Dot before we found a table near the back of the café.

Mama sat across from me, facing the door. As soon as I sat, my heart raced. “Switch seats with me, please,” I asked.

Mama narrowed her gaze but didn’t ask any questions. Since it was my first time out, I hadn’t realized how paranoid I’d feel with my back to the door. I felt vulnerable and unaware, and I didn’t like it at all.

My heart rate slowed the minute I sat. I had a view of everything around me. “This was a good idea,” I told Mama after the server brought out a pitcher of lemonade and three cups. “Oh, it’s only two of us.” I picked up the extra cup to give to the woman.

Mama was about to say something when I looked over her shoulder and saw Leah. “What is she doing here?” I hissed at Mama, heat rising in my body as Leah got closer.

Pretending not to hear me, Mama poured her lemonade and waited until Leah was seated before she spoke.

“Hello.” Leah leaned down and kissed Mama before she sat.

“Hey, sweetie,” Mama greeted Leah. “I know you’re both wondering why you’re here, but you shouldn’t have to wonder.

You know exactly why you’re here.” Mama looked at me, then over at Leah.

“I’ve sat back long enough and waited for you to fix this thing between the two of you, but you’re taking way too long for my liking. ”

I felt my chest tighten with shock and anger. How dare Mama do this to me? My palms began to sweat as I realized I was trapped in a situation that I wasn’t prepared to deal with.

“I’m sorry, Mama, but I don’t know how long it’s supposed to take before someone can accept that their sister married their husband.” My voice was as tight as my throat. The frustration made it hard to speak. I shot a glance at Leah as a fresh batch of resentment settled inside me.

“Ex-husband,” Leah mumbled.

I narrowed my eyes so much that they almost closed. “But I only found out six days ago.”

“I understand that, but you’ve already lost enough time together.

You can’t afford to lose six days. And you two aren’t the only ones who are missing out.

Leah don’t come over like she used to because she doesn’t want to upset you, Nova.

I’m missing out on time I could be spending with both of my girls. ”

Leah bit her glossy lips while she made circles on the table with her finger.

I watched her and noticed for the first time how small and vulnerable she looked.

It reminded me of when we were kids, and she was bothered by something.

It didn’t happen often, but every now and then, she needed me to tell her that everything was going to be okay.

I wished I could tell her that now, but I couldn’t because I didn’t know if that was true.

“I don’t plan on going anywhere anytime soon,” Mama continued, “but I have more days behind me than ahead of me, and I don’t want to go another day without my whole family.” She stressed the word whole .

I hated it when Mama talked like that. I didn’t want to think about how many days she had left.

I wanted to pretend that she had more ahead than behind.

The reality of Mama’s words hit me hard.

The sadness in her eyes made her look much older than she had a few minutes ago.

It was as if time had sped up since we sat down.

“I don’t like it either,” Leah said. She looked at me, her eyes glossy from unshed tears.

“I don’t know how we can move past this or what to do so you can forgive me, but I truly am sorry.

” She was barely able to get the words out before her sobs took over.

Leah covered her face with her hands, and her body shook.

Mama moved from her seat and pushed the empty chair next to Leah.

She hugged Leah, and then Mama’s eyes, filled with pain, connected with mine.

The agony in Leah’s voice and the misery I saw in Mama pierced through my anger and caused it to seep from my body.

For the first time in forever, the sadness I felt wasn’t for me.

It was for the two women my heart had ached to be with for fifteen long years.

I’d been so consumed with my own hurt that I hadn’t recognized anyone else’s.

I swallowed, then said, “I know you are.” I paused before adding, “I don’t know how to be okay with all this. I mean, you and Quinton.”

Mama reached across the table, and I placed my hand in hers. “Do you still love Quinton?” Mama asked.

I hesitated, feeling the entire weight of that question.

The vision of the life I used to have with Quinton surfaced, but it wasn’t as clear as it used to be.

The image was now blurred and distorted.

“I ... I don’t know. I don’t think I love him the way I used to,” I admitted.

“But it wasn’t about Quinton, not really.

For so long, all I wanted was to be able to go back to how things were before Adam took it all away.

That meant being Quinton’s wife and Skye’s mom and living together as a family, like before.

It’s learning to accept that the life I had before is truly gone. ”

Leah’s shoulders dropped. “Because of me.”

“No,” I said softly. “Because of Adam. At some point, I have to stop blaming everyone else.” My eyes burned.

“I hate him so much, and I’m scared that I’ll have to carry this feeling around for the rest of my life because he’s gone, and he’ll never have to pay for what he did to me. What he took from me.”

Mama nodded. “You’re carrying so much, baby. But holding on to that much hate will only hurt you. Not him. I’m not saying letting it go will be easy, but if anyone can get through it, you can.”

The truth of her words resonated deeply, but the path to forgiving Adam seemed impossible.

“Nova, I know none of this is easy for you, and I am really sorry that my actions contributed to your pain. Hurting you in any way is the last thing I’d ever want to do.”

Mama reached for both of our hands that time.

She looked from me to Leah, then back to me again.

“You can’t control what happened in the past, but you’ve got a chance to build a brand-new future—a future with us and Skye.

Adam may have stolen part of your past, but he and no one else can steal your future. ”

“She’s right, Nova, and we’re all here for you.” Leah lowered her head, then glanced at me again. “If that’s what you want, of course.”

I smiled, then nodded. My throat was too tight to speak. I was overwhelmed, but that time it wasn’t a bad feeling. I was overwhelmed by their love and support.

As the conversation ended, Leah announced that she needed to get back to her office.

Leah stood and kissed Mama. “I’ll call you later.” She looked over at me. “Bye, Nova.”

“Bye . . . Leah.”

She walked away, and something tugged at my heart. I fought it as long as I could, but the next thing I knew, I was pushing the chair back and walking toward the door. I caught up to her before she made it to her car.

“Leah,” I called after her.

She turned toward me, her dark sunglasses covering her eyes.

I didn’t speak. I just closed the space between us and wrapped my arms around my sister. Leah’s body relaxed as she hugged me back.

“I don’t know when or how I’ll be completely okay with you as Quinton’s wife, but right now, I’m more concerned with you as my sister,” I said before we released each other.