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But then again, maybe Erica won’t make any rash decisions, like pulling Josie from daycare because it will only add fuel to the fire. This whole situation has to be handled carefully, and I wish we could work together to fix it. But I can see that’s not an option. I’m being pushed aside. I feel completely helpless.
I suddenly stand from my chair and shrug on my jacket. I need to get the hell out of here. I walk out of my office and let Jessica know I’m taking a personal day. Before she can stop me and remind me of the lineup of meetings I have for the day, I keep walking until I find myself outside on the sidewalk. I decide to walk, needing the fresh air and a chance to sort through my thoughts. The tabloid and the custody papers are in my briefcase, and I clutch the handle.
Thirty minutes later, I find myself back at the zoo, this time painfully aware that I’m alone. I walk to the arctic exhibit and sit on the cool, stone bench where I sat this past weekend with Erica as we watched Josie press her face against the glass in glee. I smile at the memory, watching the penguins whiz by. Soon, I feel a tear roll down my cheek and I briskly wipe it away.
It’s unfair how much can change in just a few days. It’s cruel, really. One day I had a daughter who rode atop my shoulders, her little fingers clutching my hair, her laughter in my ears. The next, I’m sitting alone, wondering if I’ll ever see her again.
I know I can, if I want it bad enough. I have the best lawyers in the city. I could easily refuse to sign the custody papers and take Erica to court to gain custody over our daughter. But the question is if I want to do that to her and Josie. It would mess up their lives. It would bring the public into it, adding more articles to be published. It would be painful for all parties. Still, I can’t imagine life without Josie, now that she’s been in it, no matter how short of time. The thought is too painful to bear.
I leave the zoo and take a cab back to my penthouse, needing a drink desperately. I know that going to the gym won’t ease thesefeelings. The only thing that will numb me is the smooth brown liquid in the glass bottle on my bar. When I walk through my door, I make a beeline for the corner of my living room, pulling the bottle off the shelf. I don’t bother with a glass, and take a long swig straight from the bottle. It runs down my throat with ease, leaving a slight burn in its path. It’s not even lunchtime, and I have no other plans but to stay here and get drunk.
Chapter 45
Erica
Ileave Marco’s office, feeling shaky, like I might throw up. The rest of the office is a blur as I walk through it. I don’t want to be here anymore. I don’t want to be anywhere near him. I just want to go get Josie and leave. That’s exactly what I intend to do.
“Erica…are you okay?” asks Jose, as I pass by his cubicle on the way to the elevators.
“Mhmm,” I say absentmindedly.
He gently grabs my arm to stop me. I know he means well, but I shrug out of his grasp.
“Will you let me go?” I snap.
“Okay, okay.” He puts up his hands defensively, his words soft as he takes a step back.
“Sorry,” I say, shaking my head and looking down at my feet sheepishly.
“It’s okay. You just seem…upset. You look white as a sheet. Are you feeling okay?”
“No. Not really. I think I’m coming down with something,” I lie.
“Okay, well go home. Take a sick day. I can manage the department. It’s a slow day, anyway. The articles are already off to press. I’ll handle anything if it comes up.”
I nod slowly. “Thanks, Jose.”
I walk toward the elevator and head to the daycare. I hate that I even have to go here, when there’s a good chance one of them is talking to the press. The thought makes me sick. I trusted these people. I trusted my daughter with them. Now, I don’t know who to trust.
“Ms. Gunner?” asks the front desk attendant.
“I’d like to take Josie home,” I say.
“So soon?”
“Yes.” The word is curt.
“Of course. I’ll go get her now,” she says nervously. Or maybe she’s speaking normally, and I’m just being paranoid. I look around the daycare, looking at everyone’s faces, trying to understand why any of them would leak information to the press. I’m sure a story like that is enough to cover a month or two of rent.
She’s back soon, holding Josie and all I want to do is rip her from her arms as quickly as possible, but I try to keep my composure. The last thing I need to do is add more to the story, if it is one of them talking to the press. I try to muster a sweet smile.
“Thank you,” I say warmly. “I’m just not feeling well. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize. I hope you feel better soon.”
She hands me Josie, and I hold her close, breathing her sweet smell in. All feels right in the world in that moment, even though I know it’s far from it. Just having her in my arms provides a comfort to me. I say thank you and slip out the door, eager to get to the privacy of our little apartment.
Once inside, I’m just putting my keys on the hook by the door when my phone rings. My stomach drops, thinking it’s Marco or his attorney, which I’m sure he’s already lining up to fight me for custody. The thought makes my stomach churn.