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“I stopped him before it happened.”
“Oh whew.” She wipes imaginary sweat from her brow.
“But I think part of me wanted it…” I admit, looking out the window, remembering the almost kiss.
“Well, duh. He’s a handsome billionaire and a really good lay.”
“Sadie!” I say, my eyes widening as I look at Josie.
“Oh, come on. She doesn’t know what I’m saying.”
I laugh as I shake my head.
“Are you sure it is a good idea for you to continue working for him?”
“No. Probably not.”
“What are you going to do?”
I chew my lip. “I don’t know…”
I spend the rest of the weekend thinking about my predicament and weighing my options while spending time with Josie. We go to Central Park for a sunset picnic and to feed the ducks. We go to the library for reading time. We visit my brother Troy and his little boy. It is the perfect one-on-one time that I had been missing since taking my new position at work. All the while, I can’t stop thinking about Marco and what almost happened.
Monday morning, I wake up early and pull my laptop into bed, along with Josie who watches some morning cartoons. I type up a resignation letter to give to Marco today at work. I realized late last night that I can’t continue to work for him if there are feelings involved. It’s too complicated with work, and especially since I have Josie. I can’t get too close to him for fear he will find out about her. I’ve already gone too far by entertaining the idea of a kiss.
I print out the letter and get ready for work, dropping Josie off at daycare on the way. I give her a kiss goodbye, feeling the tears well up in my eyes as I turn and leave, knowing I’m about to screw up our future by ripping away any security without having another job lined up. I’ll have to figure something out. I’ll spendthe next two weeks scouring the internet and newspaper listings for a job, while I wrap up my time atThe NY News Daily.I can barely bring myself to think about leaving something I’ve known for so long.
I arrive at the office, and it feels like the letter is screaming from my purse, outing me to everyone. I am surprised to see Marco is here early. I decide to give him the letter now before I lose my nerve. I knock softly on his open door and he looks up, surprised to see me.
“Erica, please come in,” he says with a faint smile.
I close the door behind me and take the seat across from him.
“I just wanted to—” I start.
“Please, me first,” he says pleadingly. “I want to apologize for what happened Friday evening. I don’t know what came over me. I should never have tried anything with you. I just couldn’t help it. I know that’s no excuse. You just looked so beautiful. Well, you always do. I just thought maybe we could try again. It was stupid.”
I look at him and realize this is the first time he’s ever really stumbled over his words like this. They’re tumbling out of him like he has no control over them. I’m not used to this version of him. It’s humbling. I try not to get wrapped up in it though, so I hold my hand up for him to stop talking.
“What’s done is done,” I say.
He nods, looking somewhat relieved, not knowing what comes next. I pull out the envelope from my purse and slide it across his desk.
“What’s this?” he asks, looking from the envelope to me.
I take a deep breath. “My letter of resignation.”
“No,” he says. “I can’t accept this.” He pushes the envelope back to me without even opening it.
“I can’t stay here, Marco. Working for you, it’s too complicated. Too messy. You have to understand.”
“I know I screwed up, okay? But don’t do this.”
I’m not sure if he’s talking about the morning he left me or for trying to kiss me. Another reason why I should quit. We have too much history, even though there’s so little of it.
“I don’t see how I can stay.” I look down at my hands.
“And I can’t run this paper without you.”