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stassi

Before the police officers left, they told me Dimitri would be going back to jail for being in violation of his parole... already. We’d gotten on the phone, finally, with my lawyer, who told us what happened.

“I cannot believe there was some clerical error, and no one notified you prior to last night,” Alex said as he adjusted the pillows on the couch and moved into the kitchen.

I’d found the strength again in my legs and was able to move to the living area.

“It was bullshit,” I huffed.

“You could sue, you know?” Alex added as we waited for Ledger, Dirks, and Damien to come back down.

“I could, but what if that meant Dimitri had to be there, too? I can’t do that.” I sniffled a few times. “They told me he was going away for assault and his violation, so he’ll be there for a long while. They insisted that I would be notified if anything changed.”

“How do you feel?” Alex asked, leaning over the kitchen island.

I stood up and walked over to him. So many complex emotions swirled around in my head. Relief, fear, anger, and sadness all fought for dominance.

“I feel...” I searched for the right words.

It was like I had been in a dark room for so long, and now I was stepping into the light. It was blinding, and I didn’t know what to expect. I had become so accustomed to the pain and uncertainty that it felt like my normal. Now, without it, I was exposed, yet somehow more myself than ever before.

I no longer had to second-guess every decision or live in constant fear of repercussions. I’d start making choices for myself, rediscovering who I was without this shadow of my past looming over me.

I also felt a flicker of hope. Alex had always been my rock, the one person who believed in me when I wasn’t able to believe in myself.

I resolved to focus on healing, on letting go of the guilt and fear that had held me captive for so long.

It would be a long and challenging path, but for the first time in years, there was a spark of hope and a vision of a future where I’d be free, powerful, and loved.

“I feel strong,” I finally said, realizing there was so much complexity in that simple sentence.

The door opened, and Damien rushed to my arms.

“Is everything okay?” my sweet boy asked.

“More than okay, sweetheart. Thanks for hanging out with Ledger a little bit longer.”

Damien looked over at Alex, who was already crossing the kitchen to get to us. “Can Alex put me to bed tonight?”

“Of course. Let me get you some dinner. You must be exhausted, you skipped your nap.”

“Did he go to bed okay?” I asked as Alex came from down the hall after putting Damien to bed.

“Like the angel he is.” Alex kissed me on the forehead.

Ledger, Dirks, and I were playing a game of Uno because Damien insisted he wanted Alex, and only Alex, to put him to bed tonight.

“He missed you,” Ledger said nonchalantly while dealing another round.

I paused, and Alex stopped moving.

Damien missed Alex. I always wondered if somehow the comfort Damien felt with Alex was odd. There had to be some sort of connection because, instinctively, he knew who was there when he was a baby.

I wondered . . .

My thoughts were interrupted by Alex when he came over and pressed a kiss to my forehead before wrapping me in his arms. “What’re we playing?”

“A game of Uno,” Dirks chimed in.

I looked at Dirks, and suddenly, everything seemed to wash away—all the pain and stress from earlier. I had a few follow-up appointments scheduled for this week, including a doctor’s appointment that Alex insisted I make for my leg, which was now not tingling as bad.

Dirks, Ledger, and Alex were all staring at me. I couldn’t confirm Alex was since I was wrapped in his arms, but I sensed him without needing to look. I looked back at Dirks and then burst out laughing.

It wasn’t any laugh; it came from deep within my belly, rich and full, echoing through the room. The laughter bubbled up uncontrollably, a joyous release that felt almost absurd against the backdrop of the day’s sadness.

Dirks’s eyebrows shot up in surprise, and Ledger’s serious expression softened into a bemused smile. Alex tightened his arms around me, and his chest rumbled as he joined in, chuckling softly.

The contrast was stark—earlier, the day had been filled with tension, fear, and sorrow. Dimitri’s arrest, the lawyer’s call, the looming threat of more legal battles—it had all felt overwhelming. This laughter felt like a reclaiming of joy.

I wiped tears from my eyes, my sides aching from the unexpected hilarity.

“What?” Dirks finally asked, a grin spreading across his face despite his confusion.

“I realized that I’m casually sitting in a room with you.” I pointed at Dirks.

“Me?” he asked, confused.

Alex was laughing. He knew exactly what was on my mind.

“Yes,” I laughed.

“Why?”

“Last night I kept thinking about the moment I’d have to inevitably see you again. I was going through all the ways I’d have to face you without being like, ‘Oh, hey, remember that time I saw your... you know...’”

Ledger was the first to break out into a fit of laughter, matching mine. Alex laughed so hard he let go of me and dropped to the floor, clutching his stomach.

“Stop.” Alex held up his hand like he couldn’t take it anymore. He had tears rolling down his cheeks

“I had a very similar thought. I was never going to bring it up, obviously,” Ledger said, laughing. “But I figured you’d all be together at one point, and then how would you interact?”

“Ledger,” Dirks whined. “You’re making it worse.”

“You are,” Alex sputtered through chuckles.

“Well, what can I say? Mr. Dingles is pretty memorable.”

“No.” I cackled. “No, Dirks.” This time, I fell off the chair, landing next to Alex, who’d all but started laughing uncontrollably again.

Ledger, still on his chair, glanced down. “You guys should’ve warned her that Dirks named his dick.” He was so nonchalant when he said it.

“You knew?” I asked Alex, who nodded.

“Yeah. It’s a weird thing.”

Dirks shrugged. “Not weird. Mr. Din?—”

“Stop, please.” I wheezed. “I will never look at you the same now.”

Dirks joined in on our laughter, and there was the easy camaraderie again. It felt nice, natural, and gentle. The only other person I was missing was my roommate, and I wished she wasn’t as busy so she could come see us.

I paused and looked around the room once we’d all gotten up from the floor and started to play another game. Alex scooted his chair close to mine, and his hand never left my thigh. I stared at his lush locks, the stubble on his strong jawline, and the way he glanced at me every so often.

I never knew what love looked like and often worried I’d never know, but I knew. I was in love with Alex.